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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to change tampon etc in front of DD (2.10)?

315 replies

PatButchersEarring · 03/05/2012 08:25

Genuine question. DD has recently started asking me 'why I'm putting that up my bottom!', and I'm struggling to explain in an age appropriate way what it is I'm doing.

I mentioned this to DP last night, and his response was that I shouldn't really be changing sanitary wear in front of her if I can possibly help it.

I mean, it's not like I frog march her to the bathroom to witness the magic of my menstruation-but if she's trailing after me chatting etc, I just get on with it and do what I have to do in her presence.

AIBU to be doing this in front of her?

OP posts:
PorkyandBess · 03/05/2012 23:12

When my son was 2 he appeared at my bedside with a tampon and said 'here mummy, would you like to stick this up your willy?' Grin

AnyFucker · 03/05/2012 23:14

aww, mrsjay, I was agreeing with you

I am simply saying each to their own

but you wouldn't want to be in the abbatoir bathroom with me at changeover time Grin

Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 23:25

I knew you were agreeing with me any i misread you tbh ive been doing it all day i had a Confused look on my face when dh was tring to explain something to me earlier im having a dizzy day Grin

My mum was an over sharer in some aspects but never gave me the talk so i was confused by the tampons would wander about naked barge into the bathroom when i was in the bath as a teen to do her stuff i was always like JEEZ mother boundries please

AnyFucker · 03/05/2012 23:27

hehe

Booette · 03/05/2012 23:38

I don't use tampons, but my boys have seen me change towels plenty enough times. I used to have to find a family cubicle to take them all in when out so I'd have a whole audience!

Now they are older they don't tend to wander in as much but someone will always always desperately need the toilet when I'm in the shower, which will involve me getting out to open the door and them seeing me naked (upon which I will sing the special naked song to them and they will scream! Grin )
All perfectly normal behaviour!

They know that I bleed, been fascinated by my "nappy plasters" and have decorated the walls with unused ST's. Having 5 boys meant I had some trouble with explaining that I don't actually have a willy like everyone else in the house!

gingerwench · 03/05/2012 23:53

YANBU
I used a very similar explanation as Mrslettuce to my DS (nearly 4) i.e. my body gets ready to have a baby each month, and makes a "nest" and if it isn't needed then the nest comes out but it doesn't hurt it is just a bit messy so I need a way to catch the mess. He is well aware that I lack a willy (poor mummy!) and that I have a baby hole as well as holes for poo and wee.

We have very open bathroom practices at home (inevitable with DD under 1). DS was very curious when I was pregnant so I explained as much as seemed appropriate and it is all very matter of fact. I am looking forward to more bathroom privacy when the children are older (for everything not just changing tampons etc)

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 03/05/2012 23:57

YANBU .
It's part of life.
If children grow up observing these things then it will never become an issue for them.

I think it's really reassuring that you don't have any hang ups.

My DC 6 and 3 see us on the loo and I change my sanitary ware in front of them .

We explain bodily issues as they in our house .

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 04/05/2012 00:01

Am laughing at nappy plasters.
Our DS 3yrs is fascinated by my tampons.
He loves opening them, pulling it all apart etc and stashes unused ones all over the place.

It's a tad embarrassing if we have visitors and they empty the toy box only to start throwing out cotton wool mice everywhere ...

TheRhubarb · 04/05/2012 10:15

"Rhubarb, why would you obviously draw a line for craps, does that mean those that don't are wrong? You've practically been saying that some more private posters are wrong to not want to do certain things in front of others as they are all just natural bodily functions to not be ashamed of. Why stop at craps and think that that is the correct way?"

Hownoobrooncow could you please tell me where I have been saying that some of the more private posters are wrong? Because I actually apologised to EasilyBored if I gave that impression and also gave quite a personal account of why my attitudes are like they are. If you are gunning for an argument then you are targeting the wrong person and you have obviously not read my posts.

I have asked why having a period was compared to toilet issues. Having a piss and a crap are toilet issues, but having a period is not. It is not the expulsion of waste as a result of the digestion of food as I am sure you are aware, it is the detachment of the womb lining. It happens only to girls over a certain age and it happens every month.

The reason I feel quite strongly about it is because in some cultures this is still seen as a shameful thing. Some women are not allowed out of the house when they are on their periods. That is why I believe it is important, to me, that my children see periods as an everyday thing that is no big deal whatsoever.

Some posters don't mind their kids coming in whilst they are on the toilet and I have to confess that this has happened to me once or twice when I've forgotten to lock the door. But I kinda go by the reasoning that if it is no big deal to them then it shouldn't be a big deal to me. I don't want to teach my kids to be embarrassed in their own homes in front of their own family.

That does not imply that those who are very private ARE teaching their kids those things. But in my experience, with my own mother, that's exactly what it did and that's the reason why I want to be open with my own kids.

MrsHels - I still don't like dh seeing me naked, but that's because he sees me in a different light to the way the kids see me. Children think nothing of seeing their parents naked and only know it's a big deal if you turn it into one. For me I realised just how normal it was when the kids would rush in to use the toilet when I was in the bath and would hardly pay me any attention at all. I then realised that my body was not under scrutiny and that it was actually rather nice not to feel shy or embarrassed in front of them. My 11yo dd still doesn't mind getting undressed in front of me and that is a great thing because at her age I was beginning to see nakedness as something shameful.

And Flump - I've got a bigger handbag Grin

Mrsrobertduvall · 04/05/2012 10:23

I relish my privacy because that's just me. I can't bear anyone else in my bedroom/bathroom when I am getting ready, even dh.
In fact, i would love my own private suiteGrin

However I have no qualms about the dcs seeing me with nothing on....if there is a sleepver I am told firmly not to wander round.

MarysBeard · 04/05/2012 10:45

I have managed mostly I think to be discreet - sometimes there is no option other than to take your child into the loo with you and change your sanitary protection though. Our ensuite has no door though so sometimes kids/DH do walk in to the bedroom...but if I was really bothered about it I'd go to another loo. Generally we are very open about nudity, showering, going to loo etc.

In any event I have now explained to DD1 (nearly 7) about periods and what my towels are for.

jellybeans · 04/05/2012 11:27

YANBU it's no big deal.

lovetomoan · 04/05/2012 13:36

Please do explain this to her in a 'child friendly way'. You could say is somethig that all women do and she will have to do when she grows up. No need to go into details yet.
I was lucky that my mother explained to me all ladies-related things when I was a child, sorry to put it this way, but she died very young and at least now that I am pregnant I have an idea of how things work without annoying my friends too much (I hope).

Hownoobrooncoo · 04/05/2012 16:58

Rhubarb. My point was that by you saying 'I obviously draw the line at craps', you are making the point that to crap in front of someone is wrong, you are implying criticism for those who do, that it is abnormal, something you disapprove of - for some it is and for some it isn't, it's a personal thing. I've crapped in front of my kids but haven't really let them see me change a tampon, each to their own and their own comfort zones.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 04/05/2012 17:41

Hi lovetomoan I'm so sorry you lost your Mum so early. It's nice you remember her talking with you about Mum/daughter things and what was involved with growing up.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. You might find you have lots more questions now - I know I did. I found books like "What to expect when you're expecting" very interesting Smile All the best to you Thanks

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