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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change tampon etc in front of DD (2.10)?

315 replies

PatButchersEarring · 03/05/2012 08:25

Genuine question. DD has recently started asking me 'why I'm putting that up my bottom!', and I'm struggling to explain in an age appropriate way what it is I'm doing.

I mentioned this to DP last night, and his response was that I shouldn't really be changing sanitary wear in front of her if I can possibly help it.

I mean, it's not like I frog march her to the bathroom to witness the magic of my menstruation-but if she's trailing after me chatting etc, I just get on with it and do what I have to do in her presence.

AIBU to be doing this in front of her?

OP posts:
KellyElly · 03/05/2012 10:38

My daughter always follows me to the loo and I change my tampon in front of her. It's all just natural bodily functions isn't it - no big deal. When she's a bit older she probably won't be following you to the loo any more.

MrsLettuce · 03/05/2012 10:38

Yes good point aitch - but I think it'd be possible to explain where exactly inside it needs to go. IIRC (from before my fanjo was knackered), you could feel a sort of ledge that the tampon needed to be above. I think I'd tell DD to cop a feel up her fanjo between periods, work out the anatomy and then answer any questions she came up with.

perceptionreality · 03/05/2012 10:39

YANBU

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 10:41

see my mum never used them, so she actually didn't know. of course i helped my my sisters (didn't need to intervene physically)... which is why i know that it's not as simple as the diagrams suggest. different sisters, surprisingly different anatomy...

diddl · 03/05/2012 10:41

Not sure if putting a tampon in for your daughter is so "out there" tbh.

That said, I´m not that sure how it would workBlush

JustinBoobie · 03/05/2012 10:43

I remember being utterly petrified of my period when I started.

My mother never discussed these things with me, which, has been a problem... but I wont go into that.

I will openly discuss anything she is curious about, if she see's anything while I'm on the loo, especially. It's never something to be 'completely private' about.

Obviously, this is when she has to be in the same loo as me! WOuldn't want you to think I drag her in everytime just to show her! Smile

hattymattie · 03/05/2012 10:45

Didn't read all thread but if your children are as chatty as mine it'll probably be repeated at playgroup etc to people you'd rather wish to hear about it. I remember when I said I couldn't go swimming because I hadn't shaved my legs and the whole town new about it!!! Grin

my2centsis · 03/05/2012 10:46

From what she told me she put he leg up on the toilet while her mother put her tampon in for her using her finger.

I personally think it is way across the line. I will thoroughly discussions with my dd and go through the booklets etc with her but would not feel comfortable putting it in for her I find it inappropriate but in saying that I do see it a little diff now knowing that other mothers see it as normal. Thank you for enlightening me :)

hattymattie · 03/05/2012 10:46

people you'd rather

wigglesrock · 03/05/2012 10:48

I have 3dds and have had to change tampons in front of them usually in public loos. Its never been a big deal - "what's that?", "Women need them once a month or so, if they're not having a baby?", "does daddy have them?", "Nope" - "okay".

My mum bought me tampons when I was reaching puberty and she stood on other side of bathroom door when I first started to use them, but did ask if I needed help etc. It was never that big a deal in our house, although I do remember the local shop giving my Dad tampons in a brown paper bag when he bought them, you know incase anyone saw Grin

TheRhubarb · 03/05/2012 10:52

My dd is 11 and my ds is 8. They have both been in the bathroom with me and have seen me change my sanitary towels.

It's nigh on impossible to be able to go to the toilet in peace when they are little and now I've just accepted that the kids will usually barge in when I'm having a bath or sometimes when I'm changing my pad. They aren't embarrassed and neither am I. It's one of those things. My dd has to learn about it as she'll soon be having them and I want ds to know about it too as why the hell shouldn't he?

By being open I've been able to answer questions about periods and hopefully both my kids know a lot more than I did at their age.

It's a natural thing that happens every month, why hide it from them? You aren't shoving them in there whilst you get changed but if they happen to be there, then it's a good chance to let them see what's going on if only to dispel fears about what happens. If they are brought up knowing all about periods then it doesn't become a big deal for them.

kmdwestyorks · 03/05/2012 10:58

I guess if tampons bother you then sanitary pads are a less intrusive start.

My mum was out when i needed them but my dad came to the bathroom with a pack of pads they had already bought in. I remember him explaining to me why they'd chosen that particular brand. Bless.

My mum later talked me through the tampon process.

TheRhubarb · 03/05/2012 11:00

Tampons don't cut it with me, far too much blood loss for some compacted cotton wool to handle.

I thought young girls were supposed to start off with sanitary towels? Anyway dd knows about tampons because we had the chat in the middle of Sainsbury's. I was going to open a pack to demonstrate how they worked but she begged me not to Grin

topbannana · 03/05/2012 11:01

Gosh, DS is just 8 and I have never even considered discussing anything like that with him. I think I was around 10 or 11 before I knew anything about "stuff like that" and it was a lot more pertinent for me. My mum bought me a book and invited me to ask questions about anything I did not understand, an experience I feel we both sincerely wish we had not had to go through :o

DH and I normally leave the loo door open when having a wee and push it shut for anything else, DS has always known that when the door is shut he at least has to knock and wait for a reply so he has never seen anything like that to pique his interest. He is a treasure trove of questions and knowledge and I suspect I could not get away with simply saying "its something ladies have to use" Hmm Perhaps better to pre-empt his questions and explain it while he is off guard and his question level is at a low ebb (just before Top Gear :o)

ebbandflow · 03/05/2012 11:02

This thread is an interesting read-good to hear different view points. I am such a prude about this subject! Don't have a problem with her seeing me naked or on the toilet. I don't change my sanitary towels in front of my daughter. If we are out shopping and I need to use the toilet during my period, I tell her to turn round for my privacy. When she asked me what my sanitary towels were for-I said I'd tell her when she was older. In reply my dd said she had already asked her friend, who had told her it was for bleeding from your bottom. So that is as much as she knows so far-I need to buy a book about growing up for her-she is now 7.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 11:02

yep, afaia you start with towels, but if you want to go swimming etc you have to change at some point.

MissPricklePants · 03/05/2012 11:03

OP YANBU, my dd is 2.11 and follows me to the toilet and if I'm on my period she will ask questions. I just say that its something that happens to grown up ladies who haven't got a baby growing in their tummy. She normally says oh poor mummy, i'll make you better (she likes to play at doctors) and leaves it at that! Don't see why its such a big deal to be honest as its a natural bodily function!

whomovedmychocolate · 03/05/2012 11:04

Oh yes we've had the 'mummy why have you got a mouse up your bum' question from both DC. Agree with all who say there is no point in trying to hide it or sugar coat the pill. The kids are quite aware of the connection between sex and babies (we have wild ducks who shag each other relentlessly on our driveway) and then eventually there are ducklings and they know mummies bleed once a month because they've made a little pocket for a baby to sleep in but the pocket needs changing every month to keep it nice and fresh for the baby.

FrillyMilly · 03/05/2012 11:04

Dd is 3.5 and I change sanitary towels in front of her. I've told her its something that happens to grown up women and is to do with having or not having babies.

It's perfectly natural and I'm open with her. My mum was the same with me and puberty never bothered me and was not a big deal. My nan was really open too about these things. I never got taught how to use tampons as my mum doesn't use them but a woman came in to school to talk about it. I only used them once I was older anyway so worked it out myself.

bessie26 · 03/05/2012 11:05

I have always changed mine in front of DD1 (3.5) - I thought it would be better to be all casual & open about these things, rather than suddenly spring it on her when she was 5 (or what ever age is deemed to be appropriate).

So far the conversation has been:
DD1: what are you doing mummy?
me: changing my tampon
DD1: can we have a tiger?

When she does eventually ask me for more info I will just tell her that I have my period & when she wants even more info I'll say something about mummy having a special pillow (I might change this to 'soft nest' now) in her tummy incase her & daddy want to grow a baby & if they don't it falls out (like changing the sheets). I am expecting her to then prod my (flabby) tummy and ask if I am sure that there isn't a baby in there

GrahamTribe · 03/05/2012 11:05

I'm utterly bemused why anyone would have an audience while they're in the washroom.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 03/05/2012 11:07

My DD is 13 and hasn't started hers yet. Reading this thread I'm wondering if I've been too discrete about periods. Recently I've left my boxes of tampons out a bit more often as a small sign of normality around periods. I've talked to her and DS about periods/ tampons etc as well as how babies develop occasionally since they were quite young. I've bought her some slim pads for when she needs them and told her about them and where they are in bathroom cupboard.

However I like a bit of privacy and have usually managed to find some. I've noticed DD is quite private too though and doesn't want me to walk in her room when she's getting dressed. I hope I've been open enough and that when we get to the first period bridge we'll stroll across it with no probs !

Hopefully DDs preparation will be just that bit better than mine was, and things can gradually move forward with each generation. I've noticed her friends are more comfortable and cooler with it all than we were.

I'll probably use some of Mrs Lettuce's excellent explanations as feel that simple is always good !

ebbandflow · 03/05/2012 11:09

I keep thinking Mrs Lettuce looks like a character out of a Beatrix Potter book Grin

festiemum · 03/05/2012 11:10

My ds went through a phase when he was about 4 of being absolutely fascinated with tampons!

First off, he thought they were sweets, so I opened one to show him and explained what they were for. He thought it was amazing. Then, I thought it would be fun to immerse it in water and show him and dd how they puff up and soak up liquid (a la lilets adverts in the 80s!) That was a big hit, and prompted many "experiments".

Luckily, I moved onto a mooncup shortly afterwards, which was greeted with disappointment, as they're not nearly as much fun!! :o

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 11:11

for a thirteen year old i think you'd want a better explanation than mrslettuce's!