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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to change tampon etc in front of DD (2.10)?

315 replies

PatButchersEarring · 03/05/2012 08:25

Genuine question. DD has recently started asking me 'why I'm putting that up my bottom!', and I'm struggling to explain in an age appropriate way what it is I'm doing.

I mentioned this to DP last night, and his response was that I shouldn't really be changing sanitary wear in front of her if I can possibly help it.

I mean, it's not like I frog march her to the bathroom to witness the magic of my menstruation-but if she's trailing after me chatting etc, I just get on with it and do what I have to do in her presence.

AIBU to be doing this in front of her?

OP posts:

nothingoldcanstay · 03/05/2012 08:59

As a single parent of a son I have to say he's seen me change mine too. Possibly just as important that a man has a grip on female biology.

He was very sweet in Tesco's (aged 5) when my DP's daughter started her periods. I said we'd help her chose and DS said " Here have these tadpoles like mummy has"! Bless

MrsLettuce · 03/05/2012 09:02

Oh yes, DS barges his way into the loo with me too. Just as important for periods to be normalised for boys as it is for girls IMO.

Feminine · 03/05/2012 09:02

biscuit I turn away because blood is blood, no matter how natural.

At 3 , children will still link it with a cut/pain...it can make them worry.

I don't request my DD turn, but I remain careful.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 03/05/2012 09:03

DD always tries to accompany me to the loo and well, that's her call. She once witnessed me sorting out my moon cup and asked if I put it up my bum . thinking that would be the easiest explanation, I said yes and she was quite happy with that.

TMI ALERT: I'm PG with DS1 and have more discharge than normal. She wanders into the loo, looks and my pants and asks why I've wet myself. I tell her what it is and that mummy's with babies in their tummies have this.

I'm not going to make the things that go on in the loo a mystery to her or to give her the thought that it's something shameful. If she chooses to come in, that's fine and by and I'm happy to explain things.

kmdwestyorks · 03/05/2012 09:04

I never had much choice, DD always came to the bathroom with me.

I try to avoid her seeing much on the days when the word flood is an accurate description. I want her to learn but not be traumatised.

Other than that, it's basic ( actually awesome if you think about it )biology and will be happening to her at some point so it should be treated as a normal hygiene routine.

RationalBrain · 03/05/2012 09:06

I can't believe how many of you say the op is bu!

It's a natural part of life. Shall we go back to calling it the woman's shame, or the curse?

Of course yanbu. Just explain what needs to be explained in simple age appropriate terms, and don't go into any more detail unless asked. A bit like sex ed. Or is that dirty too?

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 09:07

getting them to turn away is absolutely bloody bonkers...

why not just say 'no, kids, it doesn't hurt'. (which it doesn't, if you use a mooncup. )

senua · 03/05/2012 09:09

When DD was about 3 yo I caught her trying to shave her top lip. She was copying what she had seen Daddy doing.

Do you want your DD to copy your behaviour and stuff things up her bottom?

CremeEggThief · 03/05/2012 09:09

Absolutely nothing wrong with this at such a young age! YANBU, OP.

Feminine · 03/05/2012 09:11

senua how random was your comment?

That is nothing at all to do with periods?

How did your DD manage to reach the razor anyway?

and ...it must be near on impossible to stuff a tampon up your butt!

StealthPolarBear · 03/05/2012 09:12

I didn't realise this was controversial. Would do this in front of 2yo DD without an issue. Would do it in front of 5yo DS if I had to, although that's never really happened recently I don't think - he's past the following me everywhere stage

MrsLettuce · 03/05/2012 09:13

FFS I'm really quite shocked at some of the attitudes on here. Periods are normal. If DC think the blood is a sign of something wrong then they need an explanation.

But then if they don't know the basics of reproduction then I suppose it could be difficult to explain. But, why would they not be told the basics?

My DC know they grew in my tummy from a tiny seed and a tiny egg. They know that each month my body makes a soft 'nest' in there in case I want to make another baby and that when the 'nest' isn't needed then my body cleans it away - it looks like I'm bleeding but actually it's a period not a hurt and just fine. A good thing, in fact because mama doesn't need any more babies. They are quite capable of understanding that.

DC are 4 1/2 and almost 3.

minouminou · 03/05/2012 09:13

That's what cupboards are for, Senua.
I don't think I've ever heard of a kid trying to shove a tampon up. I have heard of "shaving" cuts, though.

StealthPolarBear · 03/05/2012 09:13

senua do you let them watch when you're chopping vegetables? Driving? Drinking wine?

RationalBrain · 03/05/2012 09:14

Well, there's only one way she'll find out that it's painful to try and stick a Barbie up her bum....

Seriously, that's no reason to hide these things from them. Its like saying we should never use a knife in front of them, or they might try to chop up their fingers pretending they are carrots. Just keep an eye if you're worried and explain explain explain.

Mine really weren't that interested (only in that a plastic wrapped tampon looked like a sweet!).

senua · 03/05/2012 09:15

Why was it random? I thought it was agreed on MN that children learn most by example esp parental example. If she sees Mummy doing it then she may try to copy, with a tampon or some other approximation.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 09:15

agreed, mrs l. although mine think it's a trampoline in there because the eldest saw the youngest bouncing around on a scan once.

Earthymama · 03/05/2012 09:15

I always told my two that you had a period so that you would know whether you were having a baby and could start knitting for it!

I am ancient.

I often change my mooncup with 3 4 year old boys in the tiny public toilet cubicle with me. I am very skilled and they never see my bits at all. (I wear long skirts and tunics for this very reason! They are easily distracted by other things thankfully

minouminou · 03/05/2012 09:16

Ooooooohhhhh.....ladyparts..........ooooooohhhhhh, wrong, shameful, diiiiiiirrrrrrty......but let's dress it up as a "reasonable" concern, eh?

RationalBrain · 03/05/2012 09:17

mrslettuce nice way to explain it - the 'soft nest', I might use that one.

My two know that I don't want any more babies as well - as DD1 (4) puts it 'two children are quite enough hard work aren't they mummy?'

minouminou · 03/05/2012 09:17

They might try it once.......
No reason to foster fear and mystery......

MrsLettuce · 03/05/2012 09:17

Hell, they don't see the details! I'm not spreading my fanjo and demonstrating and I can't imagine anyone else is either.

9 out of 10 times that I change one in their presence they don't even notice.

minouminou · 03/05/2012 09:19

I know.....most of the time you're sat on the loo and the view is obscured anyway.

Labradorlover · 03/05/2012 09:20

Have always changed my tampon if needed when DD in the toilet with me. And talked about periods and how babies are made.....
I'd like her to grow up comfortable with her body and able to talk about about all of this without thinking it's embarassing or shameful.

MrsLettuce · 03/05/2012 09:20

Yes, and too much interested peering is greeted by a reminder than my fanjo is also private, not just hers.

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