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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change tampon etc in front of DD (2.10)?

315 replies

PatButchersEarring · 03/05/2012 08:25

Genuine question. DD has recently started asking me 'why I'm putting that up my bottom!', and I'm struggling to explain in an age appropriate way what it is I'm doing.

I mentioned this to DP last night, and his response was that I shouldn't really be changing sanitary wear in front of her if I can possibly help it.

I mean, it's not like I frog march her to the bathroom to witness the magic of my menstruation-but if she's trailing after me chatting etc, I just get on with it and do what I have to do in her presence.

AIBU to be doing this in front of her?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/05/2012 21:18

I didn't mention "strutting about naked"

Nakedness and blood soaked tampons are two different scenarios, IMO

and I must have sausage fingers, because I can't keep it all hidden in the bowl of the toilet, and I don't think I should have to Smile

LeQueen · 03/05/2012 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 03/05/2012 21:22

you didnt but another poster did and your comments about 'swinging tampons' seemed in the same lines as that :)

i dont suppose i keep it all in the bowl? i pull it out and have tissue ready in my other hand which is probably on my lap? but its literally pull it out and up between my legs and into the tissue? not that i have taken that much notice of myself doing it, its just automatic! and i am assuming my children have seen the bloody tampon and have commented when little in a 'do you have a hurty' way and i have just explained to them that no i dont have a hurty its a period which grown up ladies have when not pregnant.

anyway i dont keep it hidden in the toilet bowl.

*cant believe i am actually trying to describe my tampon removal and wrapping up process online.... Blush Grin

WoTmania · 03/05/2012 21:22

YANBU

LeQueen · 03/05/2012 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 03/05/2012 21:29

perhaps i should video it and put it on youtube Shock now that would be unreasonable! Grin

legoballoon · 03/05/2012 21:34

Took DS2 (3) into the loo with me at a pizza restaurant, changed my ST, he did a wee, we went back into the restaurant... where he announced to the floor that I had poo-ed my nappy Blush!

Personally YANBU, as the mother of sons, I want my boys to accept as totally healthy and normal the idea that a woman menstruates each month if not pregnant. They are 4 and 6, and if they pop in to the bathroom when I'm changing my sanitary protection, they may ask questions, and I try to answer simply and without suggesting there is anything distasteful in the process - because there isn't.

My oldest knows that a woman has a vagina leading to a uterus, where a baby may grow. He knows that blood builds up there so that a baby can be provided with oxygen and food, but that if a woman isn't pregnant the blood comes out once a month. The little one now knows that it doesn't hurt and that it's not poo.

I try to be matter of fact and use the correct language. There is no shame in anatomy. Although when my youngest asked me loudly at the swimming pool "When I was a baby, did I come out of your vagina?", I did wince Smile

OAM2009 · 03/05/2012 21:37

No, YANBU, I don't usually get the chance to go to the toilet by myself all the way through so I usually have to do lady things with an audience!

Like someone upthread, I just say "It's a special mummy thing". They know there are special mummy drinks (hot tea, hot coffee and Coke) and special daddy drinks (BEER!) and they just seem happy with that.

Perhaps you can just matter-of-factly dismiss it like this with your DD? assuming she's not too questioning!!! Smile

TheSinglePringleWillicopters · 03/05/2012 21:39

My son has seen me do it and it will be a great story for when he's older. A couple of days ago he cut his finger at the park and he saw blood properly for the first time. I got a plaster out and put it on. Following day I had to change my tampon and he saw me. He then shouted mum! Then disappeared. 2 minutes later he appeared with a plaster!! Then tried putting it on me.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stop laughing. In the end I told him they were his plasters and mummy had her own

Lueji · 03/05/2012 22:25

Personally YANBU, as the mother of sons, I want my boys to accept as totally healthy and normal the idea that a woman menstruates each month if not pregnant. They are 4 and 6, and if they pop in to the bathroom when I'm changing my sanitary protection, they may ask questions, and I try to answer simply and without suggesting there is anything distasteful in the process - because there isn't.

Exactly. :)

Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 22:42

Long thread but i didnt take my DDs in the toilet with me my Towesl were always on show (clean) in the bathroom infact dd1 at 2 n a bit shouted MUMMY MUMMY MUUUUMMMMY you forgot your lady nappies in the middle of tescos Blush but changing in front of them isnt something i did , I just think you have to either do it when you are not there or tell her its something that older ladies /mummies have to do ,

AnyFucker · 03/05/2012 22:46

FWIW, us that do these things privately don't give the message that bodily functions are shameful or dirty either

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2012 22:49

Lego Shock Grin

Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 22:50

No i dont say its dirty or something to be ashamed off something are for private imo , My dds have periods they know what it was about its just something they have once a month like us all , but i just liked a few minutes of privacy to do what i needed to do ,

Jaffacakeeater · 03/05/2012 22:53

Wow, long thread but I'm surprised at anyone who questions going to the toilet or changing tampons in front of DCs. What decade is this?? I never want my DD or DSs to ever think that anything that happens in the toilet is dirty or shameful or secretive.

I change my tampons if I need to. So far DCs see but don't question. When they ask I'll tell them that grown up ladies have bleeding and these are like ladies' baby wipes. Enough said.

Spookey80 · 03/05/2012 22:54

I didn't know this was a unusual thing to do, I wouldn't even think is it ok or not? It's natural, I don't ,are it obvious, but sometimes if they come in, or you need to do it then, they will see. My dd has asked recently and I just said grown up things. She then went on to next thing.

DumSpiroSpero · 03/05/2012 23:01

There's always something to worry about when you're a mum isn't there?

I have a Mirena so don't have periods and often worry a bit that my DD (7.8) doesn't ever 'see anything' and therefore have to opportunity to ask questions so I can explain these things to her!

I really don't think it's a problem at all - you just need to think of a very simple, age appropriate reply for her questions!

AnyFucker · 03/05/2012 23:01

there are quite a few bodily things that are private to me

lemme think...

1)picking my nose

2)wiping my arse

3)changing my sanitary wear

4)crying at sad movies

5)masturbating

there are some things private between me and dh...

1)masturbating

2)having sex

the rest is fair game...

Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 23:05

I agree with any i am not a sharer ive never pooped infront of my children or my husband nothing wrong with anybody who does though each to their own and all that [smile

PorkyandBess · 03/05/2012 23:05

I always change a tampon with an audience, rightly or wrongly, but pooing - I like to do in private - it's my only luxury.

fluffypillow · 03/05/2012 23:07

Personally this isn't something I have ever done, or would do in front of my children.

Not because I think it is wrong for them to see, but I like my privacy, and this is where I draw the line, I'm afraid. TBH, it wouldn't even occur to me to let my dc's in the loo with me if I had my period Confused

AnyFucker · 03/05/2012 23:09

of course, mrsjay

I haven't said anybody shouldn't do anything

if I were to overshare slightly though, the mahoosive clots that adhere to my tampons would scare the hardiest child, and they need wrestling to the ground with both hands free and no curious onlookers

what comes out of my body would tile a roof and make a grown man cry

it's private (between me and however many MN'ers..)

< perimenopausal >

BustersOfDoom · 03/05/2012 23:11

I'm with Jaffa. I changed tampons in front of DS but only if I had to. A simple age appropriate explanation sufficed. It was a similar explanation as to why he and his DF had willies but I only had 'fur' Grin

But I applaud - and am astounded at - those of you who have never seen each other on the loo and guard your privacy dearly. I can only say that after Norovirus was visited upon this house that we no longer give a shit - literally. Norovirus takes little notice of etiquette or embarrassment, you just have to deal with it.

LoopyLoopsTootTootToots · 03/05/2012 23:12

Horrific incident involving new mooncup, toddler screaming at sheer amount of blood, baby on knee and public toilets means that I have no fear f tampons and DDs.

Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 23:12

im a peri too i clot and its disgusting i wouldnt want anybody seeing that I guess we do whats comfy for our familiy I dont think i said you said anything any Hmm Grin