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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to change tampon etc in front of DD (2.10)?

315 replies

PatButchersEarring · 03/05/2012 08:25

Genuine question. DD has recently started asking me 'why I'm putting that up my bottom!', and I'm struggling to explain in an age appropriate way what it is I'm doing.

I mentioned this to DP last night, and his response was that I shouldn't really be changing sanitary wear in front of her if I can possibly help it.

I mean, it's not like I frog march her to the bathroom to witness the magic of my menstruation-but if she's trailing after me chatting etc, I just get on with it and do what I have to do in her presence.

AIBU to be doing this in front of her?

OP posts:

MrsLettuce · 03/05/2012 09:54

yy Amber, any period pain I get is usually before the bleeding starts so no way a mooncup would stop that. I'd still like one though.

GinPalace · 03/05/2012 09:55

they won't want to see it when they are older, for now it is no big deal to them so YANBU. When they cease wanting to follow you to the toilet, I imagine they won't even remember it really, but the lasting impression that bodies and their functions are nothing to worry about, probably will remain.

My mum (and to a lesser extent Dad) made that whole area such a massive big deal it affected me massively for years and years. It wasn't Mum's fault - her growing up experience was even worse. :(

But the rot stops with me and isn't going onto my dc's. (I sincerely hope)

I will be pinching Lettuces explanation too.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 03/05/2012 09:57

I always managed without dd being aware, she's 4.5 now and i try to not have her in the toilet with me mostly cause she won't shut up and i like quiet.

Sometimes it's just unavoidable having a child with you when you'd rather not.
As someone said something child friendly should be ok for now.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 03/05/2012 09:58

I have a 5yr old DS and a 3yr old DD. They both wander in and out of the bathroom and have witnessed me changing sanitary towels (can't seem to get on with tampons any more).

Initially they expressed concern that I was 'a bit bleedy', but I just explained that it was my period, something that happens to girls when they grow up. I'd rather that they get introduced to the idea now than have it as some Big Talk when older.

gnushoes · 03/05/2012 10:01

Don't see the problem. If the DC get a matter-of-fact explanation early and always know that mummies have periods, it's no big secret deal and you share other information as they ask. My mum left a booklet about growing up on the stairs for me when I was 11, and I had to hint that I was running out of sanitary towels each month until I was old enough to just go and buy for myself. I did not want to do that to my daughters and so I am open. They think the mooncup is ewww though (only seen that clean and ready to use though!)

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 10:03

dunno, mrsl. i do know, however, that if you don't get on with them, the company will give you your money back with no questions asked.

regarding the pain... all i know is that i suffered terribly with cramps etc before and would have to take to my bed, but now i don't. and i know heaps of people this has happened to, it's been discussed on here many times.

wimblehorse · 03/05/2012 10:07

I always did this, DS wandered in and out of the toilet and very interested in bodily functions and weeing/pooing aged 2. Haven't had to deal with tampons for a while as now pg, but he would call it my nappy.
Don't understand why you would need to hide it away, I assume they will lose interest and can give an age appropriate explanation reassuring that you are not hurt and it's just something that happens to ladies, nothing to worry about.
Although yesterday while I was on the loo, he was reaffirming that I didn't have a winkle, but I have lots of hair there. Time for a tidy up!

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 03/05/2012 10:08

I totally agree with everything Mrs Lettuce has said!
I will knick the explaination so far the boys have said "oh you have a nosebleed from your bottom" I have just said "kind of... yes" and changed the subject.

BiscuitNibbler · 03/05/2012 10:11

Ephiny - how can you possibly manage to have private pees? Going to the toilet alone is impossible with toddlers. They even bring their friends in to watch when they are around!

All this treating periods as something to be hidden and shameful makes me shudder. Girls and boys should be brought up to know there is nothing shameful, dirty or embarrassing about a NORMAL bodily function.

my2centsis · 03/05/2012 10:11

Geez your dh thinks that's bad?

I was 19 went round to my dads (who I saw maybe twice a year since he separated with my mum when I was 3)

My step sister who was 13 walks up to me and tells me she got her first period a few weeks ago... I say umm wow arnt you growing up (secretly wondering why she would broadcast this infront of my bf?)

Anyway she then asks if I use tampon or pads? I say tampons.. She then says I do too now that mum showed me how to use one! I said how did she show you? Her reply? 'she did put the first one in for me'. !!!!!!! I say WTF my other step sister (who isn't really related) who was 16 at th time gave me a death stare and said I was over reacting there's nothing wrong with it??? Ummmm I'll always remember that

Bunnyjo · 03/05/2012 10:11

I use sanitary towels, DD, 4yo, is often in the bathroom as she follows me there every bloody time when I go to the toilet. After I had DS, 11mo, she was in the toilet and noticed the blood (lochia) on my huge maternity pad and asked why I had pooed on my 'nappy'. I saw that as a good time to explain that mummy bleeds every month and that it is perfectly fine and natural. She now knows it is a called a 'period' and that she will get them when she is older. Our family are early starters in terms of puberty, my mum was 8 and I was 10, so I would much rather she knew about it and that it is nothing to worry about.

That said, I'm not sure I would be happy to change a tampon in her presence. I'm probably being silly, but I just wouldn't be comfortable blatant double standards, I'm sure

Feminine · 03/05/2012 10:13

amber I do/have explained it.

I said so earlier...I have taken my sons (when younger too)

I don't flaunt anything ...and I don't do anything'over the top to hide it.

It just is.

My DD is not my first , I have coped with this for 13 -ish years!

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 10:14

i'm not really finding the idea of a mother helping her child with a first tampon soooooo outrageous, tbh. i wish someone had helped me with mine, it was a miserable experience and i could never quite get it to work properly.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 10:15

'flaunt' is a bit daily mail. i don't 'flaunt' my mooncup. lol at the thought. i could wear it as a brooch, perhaps?

Feminine · 03/05/2012 10:15

I showed my sister.

MoChan · 03/05/2012 10:18

My daughter has seen me do it, and reasonably frequently. I have to admit to being slightly more self-conscious as she gets older, but I kind of force myself to be natural about it. I grew up thinking that my body, and the things it did, were disgusting, and it's not something I've ever really managed to shed. I am hoping that appearing not to be embarrassed by my body and its functions will help my daughter to feel happy with hers.

I rather like the fact that at age 4 she knows that the bleeding is perfectly normal, and will happen to her one day, I don't want it to come as a sudden horrid shock.

cardamomginger · 03/05/2012 10:18

Tricky. No idea what I'm going to do (DD is 19 months). My Mum used to take me into the loo all the time, including when she needed to change a tampon. I remember the first time I saw that it was blood being terribly shocked, scared and upset. She'd told me it was a 'period' and about babies and stuff. So I remember knowing what it was about and why, but at no point had she told me it would be bright red blood!

my2centsis · 03/05/2012 10:18

You don't think a mother putting a tampon up her daughters fanjo is crossing the line?

Wow

Everyone has their own opinion I guess :)

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 10:29

well, she wouldn't have been putting it up her fanjo, presumably... there would have been an applicator. the issue of 'private' areas is an interesting one, granted, but all i can tell you is that i sincerely wish i hadn't been left all on my own to work out the tampon thing.

MrsLettuce · 03/05/2012 10:30

Where I am (not UK) paracetamol suppositories are the norm for DC rather than calpol, obviously I have to put them up my DC's bums. I admit I found it rather odd and slightly disturbing at first.

Inserting a tampon for a daughter, at her request doesn't seem that different to me. I can't really see how it could possibly help her to learn to do it herself though.

Unlurked · 03/05/2012 10:31

I'm not fussed about my dcs watching me change my mooncup. If I've leaked dd2 asks if it's mud . I do struggle with answering the 'does it hurt?' question from my 4yo because I have horrendous periods that have seen me hospitalised a few times in the past. My Dd's could well end up the same way so don't really want to tell them it doesn't hurt when it might hurt a hell of a lot. I've told DD that some women find it a bit sore in their tummies and others don't find it sore at all. I'm sure they'll find out in time!

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 10:33

it might have helped, though, to know that it wasn't in properly. and the diagrams are not helpful in that regard. i speak from years of bitter experience.

tbh i think mytwocentsis' response to her step-sister saying that was a bit weird, and i presume she's matured a bit by now.

calculatrice · 03/05/2012 10:33

my ds (3.5) has been fascinated with this since he saw what he called "blood wee" and wanted to know if that meant I was dying. I did the simple explanation but unfortunately everytime I go to the toilet now, if he sees me, he rushes to the toilet afterwards to see if it's "blood wee". If not he says "it's OK mummy, there's no blood today". He also tells everyone he meets about mummy's "blood wee". He is going through a phase of being obsessed with blood, dying and injury though.

kmdwestyorks · 03/05/2012 10:35

I sat on the otherside of a cubicle door with a 13 year old girl, not my daughter, and talked her through the process of inserting a tampon.

She was devastated, she was away from home on an outdoor activities weekend, her mum had had her using pads but decided while she was away, if she needed it, she should have tampons but hadn't bothered to explain/show/talk her through it.

That poor girl had never seen an unwrapped tampon and a teacher was talking her through the reality of using it

I know in that cubicle that girl was crying, she was hurting and embarrassed and scared and unforgivably alone and i imagine she still remembers it to this day

Her bloody mother should have prepared her better!

I don't plan on inserting my own DD's first tampon but i am planning to be there if she wants me, to have talked to her and helped her through the process and sodding well celebrating it as well.

MumbleMumm · 03/05/2012 10:38

Please explain it truthfully to your dd - my Mum told me her tampon was a Chapstick (never saw her insert it but I knew she only ever used it on the loo with the door shut) it caused me all kinds of confusion as a kid!
I'd have coped much better with a truthful explanation rather than my imagination running riot!

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