to give our nanny fish fingers whilst DH and I eat Waitrose Organic Salmon?

[MarieFromStMoritz]

I am laughing at myself posting this, not sure why...

Anyway, I recently decided that we were going to get healthy. DH is overweight and has high blood pressure and I am overweight, pregnant and at risk of pre-eclampsia. So I have been trying to stick with protein and a salad for dinner and healthy food throughout the day.

I was at Waitrose this morning, and I saw these salmon fillets. I thought they would go well with a nice salad and some boiled potatoes. However, they were really, really expensive. We live overseas and Waitrose is even more expensive than it is in the UK. So I bought fish fingers for DS and just could not bring myself to buy another salmon fillet for my nanny, so thought she could have fish fingers like DS (she has no health issues and is young and slim).

The thing is, by the time I got home, I felt very guilty. She is an adult after all, and I felt that we were treating her like a child giving her fish fingers. Also it suggests that she is not really good enough for the salmon fillet.

I am aware that I am probably overthinking this, but I am just wondering what everyone else would do. Money is tight. Right now, I am probably going to give her the salmon fillet and I'll have the fingers, but I don't know. Would it BU to give her the fish fingers?

It's not a joke. Most folk with maids in the ME or Asia do not eat dinner with their maid. Most maids wouldn't want to anyway.

Rhubarb, Novak's post assumes that the child eats earlier than the parents, before they get home. In this situation, would you suggest that the nanny sits down to dinner with the parents? IME most nannies wouldn't want to do this.

Sadly having been brought up in an Asian country I can vouch for the fact that a nanny or a maid never sits down for meals with her employers. I don't like this treatment of hired help and this it is not nice at all, but that is the reality. They are paid peanuts too. I had a nanny when my mum went back to work and even in our liberal household the nanny would never sit with us for meals. Although my mum did always give her the same food to eat though. She ate it on her own in her room or the kitchen (TBH, I don't really like eating my lunch with my bosses either...I'd rather be on my own, it is far more relaxing...I can read a book, surf the net etc!). She was free to help herself to any food as well, but that was uncommon. Most families would dictate what the maid could eat or not.

minipie, really? Including this little gem? "I wouldn't have the nanny at the same table as me as it will lead to excessive familiarity." which implies that even if the children ate with their parents (as is recommended by most child experts), the nanny would be cast out to eat alone.

IF I ever had a nanny, I would treat the person who cares for my child as my equal. No-one is above anyone else just because of their position in life. We all shit and piss, we all have sex, we all belch and fart, we are all exactly the same. Caring for your child is a pretty important job I'd imagine and the child and nanny must share a strong bond. In this situation I'd say it was even more important that the nanny is treated as part of the family so that she has a good sense of family priorities and dynamics that will help when raising the child to the standards and with the moral code that you would like them to raised to.

The days are long gone when children were sat apart from their parents and only came in briefly so that parents could comment on how well they are growing and what their achievements are before being whisked away again. Nowadays most children eat with their parents so that they can spend valuable time with them, discussing their day. I would imagine (hope) that this is what most parents do and therefore sending your nanny away to eat by herself seems primitive and harks back to an era of ignorance and bigotry.

TheRhubarb I think "I wouldn't have the nanny at the same table as me as it will lead to excessive familiarity". was a joke like many posts on here.

We still don't know where Marie is actually located. There aren't that many Waitrose stores outside of the UK. I know there are two stores in Dubai and one in Bahrain - I think that is it. I'm guessing then, that Marie's nanny is not really a nanny in the English sense of the word, but an asian live in maid. Sadly in countries like Bahrain & Dubai, these maids are not treated as equals, they are paid pittance & generally do not eat or interact with the families they work for, other than to look after the children & undertake domestic duties. Most appartments even come with a "maid's room" that is a tiny box room - not uncommonly without a window.
So, good on Marie for being inclusive and treating her maid like the equal human being she is - but still get to see a proper nutritionist & have a look at how to manage your meals better with the limited budget that you have.

I didn't read it as such and neither did others.

Well depends, many maids prefer to eat on their own or with their friends, they wouldn't all feel comfortable eating with their employers all the time, do you make them just to make you feel better? What if they want different food or don't want to eat at the time your employer does? And I like some time to spend with my kids and husband, just us at most meals. I want my space as well or it can all get a bit claustrophobic.

Well you would presumably give them the choice though wouldn't you? You wouldn't just expect them to go off and eat fish fingers by themselves whilst you all tuck into Waitrose finest organic salmon? (Sorry OP, I know you've sorted it now) Yet some responses on here suggest that people would do just that, because the maid apparently has to know her place.

If she wants to eat by herself that's absolutely fine but I would make it perfectly clear that she was one of the family and an absolute equal, so she would be free to eat the same food, cook her own if she liked, eat with the family or eat on her own.

It really pisses me off that some people treat their pet dogs much better than they would treat another human being.

Rhubarb I missed that sentence

I don't agree with all novak's saying (if indeed she is being serious). But I do think it is very very rare for nannies - however much loved and respected - to sit down with their adult employers for dinner in the evenings. As I say, this is generally because the nanny doesn't want to - after all, who wants to have dinner with their boss every night?

You say nowadays most children eat with their parents. Not if they are young and their parents don't get in from work till late - which is generally the situation where there is a nanny.