AIBU to be bored of people who don't eat what their given

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

Seriously, when is it gonna sink in to people that if you accept an invitation to have dinner in someones home, it's only polite to eat what they give you.

On what planet is it ok to do anything other than eat what your given?

It was roast beef by the way, and the guests were british. I didn't give them lambs brains.

fucking twats

AllPastYears, never had an adult leave or pick bits out of their food?! I think that's incredible. Or maybe you just have less rude/fussy friends and acquaintances than me.

I've weeded out the ones that behave badly though, mind.

Maybe I just rarely cook for people . I do ask in advance what people don't like, and take that into account, but I guess I don't know anyone hugely fussy.

Had a friend round once who was a bit of a challenge though. She was on a mad diet at the time - can't remember exactly, but she wasn't to have gluten, dairy, sugar, fruit (made dessert a real challenge!), plus we are vegetarian. Managed to make something edible though .

Hang on lady you just said it was ok to avoid or leave bits and now you're saying it's incredible?!

I don't like anchovies, btw, and would definitely leave them.

I don't like being a fussy eater. I bloody hate it. I hate going to a restaurant and looking desperately at the menu for something I can eat. I hate the worry of going to someone's for dinner and being served something I can't eat. And if I thought my host was making judgements about my manners if I left something, then seriously, fuck them. Fuck them and their complete lack of understanding about something which is actually quite a blight on my life.

ohdear - maybe some people are just interested?

As a vegetarian I am happy to discuss how long I've been veggie, why I'm veggie, what was the 'trigger', what I miss, what I eat yadda yadda yadda - but really, it's very akward when you ask when we are sitting at the table eating as no matter how I phrase it, I feel like I am criticising people who do eat meat, it's uncomfortable.

Well today i was at work and we were discussing what we had for dinner yesterday (riveting i know!). I said what we'd had (roast chicken) and a women, in her 40's, with kids, starting pulling vomiting faces!

I was at her. What's that all about? have some people never realised where they end and others begin? Too weird.

As someone who is both a) incredibly fussy and b) anorexic I would say YANBU

I would not willingly eat out at all and to have to eat in somone else's house (ie where someone I know will have spent time and money on a meal is my worst nightmare). I will only do it with close friends who already know my problems.

But I know that it is me who is awkward, dificult and potentially very rude so I remove myself from the situation rather than hurt someone's feelings and embarrass myself horribly.

It doesn't help to tell a fussy eater we are childish though - we KNOW this and it doesn't make things any easier to get over.

I've had people tell me I am being ridiculous not to go out to eat but when you will not/cannot eat anything that is:
over 500 calories per meal, red meat, has a sauce, foreign, is mixed together, contains butter/milk/cheese/cream, has a high fat content, contains tomato/onion, seafood, pastry, chocolate, custard, cooked/dried fruit
then it's easier and politer to stay at home!!

If I went to someone's house for dinner I would eat up whatever they served, unless it was a fried shite.

I'm not childish, I don't see anything childish about not wanting to feel ill and uncomfortable by eating something I really don't want to.

I would eat things I didn't like, out of politeness. Gulp it down, drown it with some wine, eat something nice straight after. So thinks like prawns, rare meat...

But I wouldn't eat things I hated, no matter how bloody polite I felt like being. Foie gras would make me puke, as would anything with tentacles, oysters are just ick......

giraffe, no, I find it incredible that AllPastYears has never come across an adult who leaves food or picks bits out. But, as I said, perhaps she's luckier with the company she keeps than I've sometimes been!

Sorry ladyclarice when I go back your posts seem perfectly clear but for some reason I keep misreading them!

The ranty bit of my post wasn't aimed at you btw, I'd just gone back and reread the OP and it made me really cross.

hmm. I've been at a dinner party where beef was served. I hadn't eaten beef for over 15 years but dh had forgotten to mention to the host (his sister) I tried some but couldn't force it down. I shovelled some onto dh's plate when the hosts weren't looking and ate everything else (including some vile salad) and praised the host's cooking enthusiastically. It was the polite thing to do.

When I'm hosting I'll ask if there's anything the guests don't eat - I don't care why, it's not my place to judge, just to serve something my guests will enjoy. I'll also send out a quick note saying "I'm doing fish pie, veg and lemon pudding - hope that's ok".

Clean plates round here..!

giraffe called herself a fussy eater. There are others here who seem to have real problems with certain foods. No doubt they are all discreet and polite when they are at other people's houses. What I would like to know (and it's a genuine question) is what leads to someone having very restricted and restrictive preferences. There are some things I don't like: okra, avocado, offal, but thank goodness I enjoy food in most shapes and forms. Presumably when we were stone age people we had to eat what we were given. So how do the extremes develop? Can they be unlearned? A bit off thread, perhaps but if you have a theory, do tell.

But that's why I think it's much easier (and ultimately more polite) to be upfront about these things and explain that you have food restrictions or preferences that mean it's easier for you to do social events that don't involve food. Surely that's better than having the host spend money and time on a dish that upsets everyone around the table?

According to my mother my problems began after I was forced to eat pureed meat and veg on one occasion by my gran. I regressed back to only eating bread, cheese, ice cream and jelly. My food issues weren't dealt with in any way other than being cajoled, shouted at, laughed at etc and it has taken years to teach myself to eat a reasonably 'normal' diet.

The funny thing is that I used to be tremendously 'fussy' (i.e. various psychological issues which took the form of controlling food intake), until I spent my gap year living with a family in the developing world, at which point it was eat or return to the UK.

I think mine comes from my mum being a blardy awful cook, to be honest. The number of foods she made a pigs ear of is shocking. So in her house, you were glad to get random-whatever-from-iceland and chips, it was an improvement. Nothing ever tasted nice, so I have ended up with some really weird taste buds, I love spicy food and things with really strong flavours but anything I would consider slimy, nope. And for me I think a lot of that comes from being repeatedly fed things like really cheap sausages, braised (badly), or poor quality slightly slimy chicken, or generally cheap shit food.

I am a LOT less fussy than I used to be - I wouldn't touch lamb, pork, fish (well, unless battered!), pretty much any veg, porridge (she made that taste VILE), mash or boiled potatoes, plus all the things I still don't eat. I'm working on it in my own way.

I'm gradually adding things BUT, if I am going to try something new I am only comfortable doing it on my own, or with DH. I find my inability to eat certain foods embarrassing enough as it is. So I would actually be highly unlikely to try something new at somebody elses house, because if I don't like it it is quite possible I will struggle to even swallow it which would be humiliating for everybody. It's not a case of "getting over yourself" as some people have said.

For me, there is a difference between something I maybe don't really like the flavour or taste of, but can "choke down" and things where I simply can't eat them. But, bizarrely, although I think it originates in childhood for me it is not limited to foods I experienced as a child. I think it has left me inherently suspicious of foods and with massive issues with texture which extend to foods I have never tried.

For me there are a couple of issues. 1) I really don't like the taste of quite a few foods. This makes me 2) very reluctant to try new things (food neophobia). 3) I also have a complete inability to eat things that disgust me so no way could I eat a fish with its head on or anything with tentacles or something like snails; they wouldn't even get near my mouth. 4) Some foods really don't agree with me, as in I'll be in the bathroom within 20 minutes of eating say, prawns, as they go straight through me, which also makes me wary of stuff that I've not had before or think might make me ill.

I wish I liked the taste of more stuff. I don't like wine or beer which makes you a bit of an outcast at social drinking events. No, not even that strong peer pressure will make me drink them. It's not because I was pandered to as a child, I had to regularly eat stuff I didn't like because that's what was on offer. Now I'm an adult I don't have to, so I don't.

I do think my tastebuds work differently to others.

Thanks for your replies, in the face of all these offlines. I have had the odd snail bit can't say I'm that enamoured, ditto frogs' legs. I will give most things a bash.

I don't like wine or beer either. Or tea or coffee! Very difficult to be a proper adult without drinking these I find.

According to my mum I ate everything until I was about 18 months old. Then everything suddenly started making me sick. I couldn't keep anything down and lost a lot of weight. When I got better I would hardly eat anything. I had to be tube fed for a while aged about 4 and until I was 8 I only ate 5 foods - fishfingers, carrots, pineapple chunks, apples and strawberry icecream. Around age 10 I went through a phase of eating things of the same colour on a certain day eg Monday I would eat green apples, cucumber, broccoli and mint choc chip icecream then on Tuesday strawberry yogurt, raspberries, ham and salmon. Etc.

My parents tried everything. My mum did the whole softly softly thing, taking me to psychologists, making reward charts, arranging food into special shapes etc. My dad tried force, making me sit at the table all night without success, shouting and punishing. Nothing worked at all.

Then, by the age of 12 I was anorexic. I don't know if the earlier issues are linked. I assume so.

I saw a programme with Robert Winston once about disgust, where he put apple juice into a (new) bedpan and tried to get people to drink it. A lot of people couldn't, even if they knew it was apple juice.

That's how I feel about eating snails. It's not going to happen.

"YANBU
There are only two reasons to refuse to eat what you're given:

• because it is religiously/ethically unacceptable (eg you're a muslim and your host offers pork, or you're a vegetarian)
• because you're allergic to it

Other than that - you eat what you're given. And you say it's lovely. Even if it's revolting. Them the rules in Shagworld"

what toss, I have a few friends whose personal habits leave little to the imagination, or their house is less than clea, or they allow pets to walk on the benches etc...

YABU OP, for many reasons, its not rude to not eat a meal given, its rude to make a meal that has been made without checking with the recipient of said food, if you made something, without checking the peoples dislikes and likes, more fool you, for wasting your time and money.

Its a two way streak, courtesy and peoples opinions/taste/beliefs/culture should be respected also, just because they are teenagers, does not mean they should "eat what they are given" narrow minded and closed minded way of thinking.

"I don't like wine or beer either. Or tea or coffee! Very difficult to be a proper adult without drinking these I find."

I can't stand tea or coffee either, and the smell of coffee really irritates me. But people look at me funny when I say I won't drink either of them.

Actually, on that note, for those of you saying people should eat what they are given, do you feel the same about drinks? Would you give someone a drink without checking if they like it first, and would you expect them to just drink whatever they were given?