AIBU to be bored of people who don't eat what their given

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

Seriously, when is it gonna sink in to people that if you accept an invitation to have dinner in someones home, it's only polite to eat what they give you.

On what planet is it ok to do anything other than eat what your given?

It was roast beef by the way, and the guests were british. I didn't give them lambs brains.

fucking twats

Outraged, I'm assuming (and possibly I'm wrong, of course) that in the OP's case her guests didn't have actual problems with the food but just didn't much like it, or didn't like it as much as they like other things. I'm trying to make a distinction between that (which is what I'd call fussy or rude) and the things you mention, like gag-reflex issues, which I'd consider to be health problems or restrictions. In the latter case, if someone said to me that they had health issues that meant they couldn't eat x, y or z, of course I'd understand and cater for that.

Health/ethical/religious issues aside, these two posts pretty much sum up my opinion:

'IMO, manners come before preferences. I don't like sprouts or parsnips, and wouldn't ever have them at home, but if a friend was kind enough to cook a veggie meal for me that included those things, I'd wash it down with plenty of wine and smile and say thank you.'

What I can't bear are the grown up babies who whine and moan and draw attention to themselves as if the fussiness is somehow endearing.'

I would usually try and ask them what they do and don't like first - having messed it up twice Although I would have thought roast beef was fairly innoffensive unless you are a vegetarian. And if you are veggie/intolerant of certain foods I would hope you'd mention it beforehand.

And it depends on the way the guest reacts. If they announce 'God! I'm not eating that!' I'd think them a little lacking in manners. If they ate what the could and didn't make a fuss I'd think they were politely making the best of a bad job. But in the second case I'd feel bad that I hasn't done my best to make them happy.

I'm another one that won't eat what I don't like it has nothing to do with manners as I say "No thankyou". I don't expect anyone else to eat what they don't like either. Why on earth should you just shove it down your throat if you DONT LIKE IT.

Years ago when at school there was this sort of draconian philosophy. I remember once seeing a dinner lady shove food down some poor boys throat, he was sick and very very distressed.

People don't have to eat what you cook.

It's good manners to eat what you're given (or at least have a good try).

However it's also good manners to check in advance whether there is anything your guests don't eat.

Why wouldn't you check in advance? Surely you want your guests to enjoy the food rather than gritting their teeth and forcing it down?

YANBU - if they have issues with certain foods that are as common as beef they should have mentioned it to you. I presume this was sunday lunch so there is a high chance of getting a roast dinner of some sort so they should have mentioned in advance if there was anything they didn't eat. I always eat what I am given at friends houses.

I was shocked when I did a roast for my friend and husband and he left the veg (apparently doesn't eat vegetables!!!) and asked for ketchup!!!

And please, please don't season your food until you have tasted it ... really does my head in.

I have a fussy family member. Her child has turned out the same way. She is surprised by this. I'm not

Sorry but thats rubbish!! I eat anything, absolutely anything yet my DS is still very very fussy!! Potatoes make him gag/sick so there is no way I am going to make him eat them.

These fussy eater threads....zzzzz....done so many times. You dont understand how it is to have a fussy eater, it's not just a case of them being rude you know, and thats a rude thing to assume.

So on that basis YABVVU!

We had the ultimate fussy eater to stay. Host foreign students so am careful to cook food that most teenagers like (toad in hole, spag bog, pizza no curry or spices etc). Most of the girls wolf it down but one Spanish girl stayed for a month and turned her nose up (quite literally) at EVERYTHING. I gave her posh food, junk food, grand food, Spanish food, everything. She was not exactly sylph like either so was getting sustenance somewhere. I was intrigued as to what exactly was she did eat any questions met with a shrug. Ooh it was too annoying.

my thoughts exactly coconutty but it would have been rude to say

Wow, what poor hostess doesn't check in advance for any preferences/that the menu is ok?

I agree it's rude is someone goes 'urgh! I'm not eating that!'

But so is the host pointedly looking at everyone's plate and saying, 'Do you not like that?' Or 'Is that all you're eating?' Which is what I find 'non-fussy' hosts do an awful lot of the time.

I'm an odd one: I love a wide range of foods, but bizarrely have serious issues with texture and smell. So, for example, I can eat cheese on salad or grilled, but cheese sauces, or liquid melted cheese will make me feel queasy from smell alone. Similarly, the texture of anything gristly or fatty will literally leave me gagging.

I can eat any ethnicity you'd care to name, I can eat almost any meat, but if it's even slightly pink, or fatty, I'll gag, repeatedly, with every chew until I either spit it out or make myself sick.

However, I can and will eat what I can of what you put in front of me, around the bits I don't like it, or palm it off on my DH, without saying anything other than 'Thank you very much'. There will (nearly always) be enough food so I can cheerfully much away without it being an issue, unless the host makes it so.

If you've never had food 'issues' you have no idea how stressful it can be. To have the host repeatedly drawing attention to my 'avoidance' techniques I find just as rude as me not eating things. You are not my mother!!

And don't get me started on the woman who, having asked if there was anything I didn't like/couldn't eat, proceeded to make a whole menu out of exactly those things and then asked why I wasn't eating in a huff!

giraffe, what poor guest doesn't mention in advance any genuine health or ethical issues, or eat with good grace what they're served?

Going to someone's house to eat is not like going to a restaurant. IMO, within reason it's the host's prerogative to cook something they want to cook and want to eat.

Hmm, I am in 2 minds with this one.

There are some people that are just plain fussy to the point of being ridiculous. I can think of 2 people, 1 is my BIL, he will only eat things like Pizza, fried chips, Smash, anything even close to a fruit or vegetable and he will strop and refuse to go near the plate.
The other is someone I know, he is 19 and will only at Chicken, Broccoli and Chocolate.
Both these people were brought up eating normal family meals, including a wide selection of food from all the food groups, both will not even try foods, if they have in the past its brought on an exaggerated "gagging" fit.

These people I can't stand catering for, so don't.

On the other hand, as mentioned many times before people have allergies and reasons for not eating certain foods, some people simply don't like certain foods, if I know before hand - fine, however I ask people if they do/don't like what I am cooking and will make changes where needed.

I get the hump when people moan at me for not eating a lot, I am in the early stages of pregnancy anyway so eating is a challenge, but usually I eat very small amounts of food and often get negative comments or looks, usually in restaurants.

manners come before preferences - sums it all up really

ginny, that sounds like a nightmare! 'proceeded to make a whole menu out of exactly those things and then asked why I wasn't eating in a huff!' Poor you.

I'm definitely a 'non-fussy' host but I never draw attention to it if someone leaves food on their plate or doesn't take some of everything I offer. On the other hand, neither do I offer to make them something else instead; I'm not a short-order cook. I also don't appreciate it if someone draws attention to the food in a negative way e.g. announces that they don't like something, makes 'yuck' or gagging noises about it, wonders aloud why I cooked it that way etc, and would never do this myself as a guest.

Ladyclarice expecting someone to eat something that they find deeply unpleasant is just bizarre to my mind.

Remember some people are supertasters and some are non-tasters. Other people's experience of food may be completely different to yours.

I would certainly mention that I don't eat seafood to a host, but there are other things that I don't eat that I might quietly leave on the side of my plate and I certainly wouldn't expect to be tutted at like a naughty school-child.

I have a fussy episode to conquer all rude episodes.

We had some "friends" who we're always "popping in" around mealtimes. They are notoriously tight. They have bbqs where everyone brings things and they provide erm, the BBQ coal.

Anyway, this one day they hung around and hung around until I had to start preparing our meal. I was making chicken chaser with chicken legs.

They hung around and pointedly offered me a " hand" in the kitchen until I felt I had to ask them to stay.

I asked, to be asked in return what I was cooking. I said chicken chasesseur.

Friend goes "well, you have got just one problem there... WE don't eat meat off the bone".

I told them I was cooking it anyway and to do what they pleased. They stayed!

Am in 2 minds about this. I think it's totally unreasonable to say that people should just eat 'everything' that they are given. Most people dislike at least a couple of foods. I can't abide fish in any shape or form but will eat just about anything else. So if I was invited for dinner I would make sure that when i accept I say that I'm sorry to be a bother but let the hosts know that I' can't do fish. Similarly, if I'm hosting new people, I'd always ask if there was anything in particular they didn't like.

But I also get incredibly irritated by the number of grown women I know who take great pleasure in making food a huge issue and seem to think that it is endearing whan they go on and on and on about how they're 'never ' hungry and oh so ditsy and girlie and have such a tiny appetite and then proceed to push perfectly good food around the plate, all the time hoping that someone will draw attention to the fact that they are oh so girlie and have sucha teeny weeny appetite ickle ickle sweetie pie It makes you look like an attention seeking fool......

Years ago I was invited to a dinner party with a boyfriend - he took one look at the food (which was perfectly acceptable) and went out and got a Chinese takeway and sat down and ate that at the table.

I was mortified and I think it is a tribute to the hosts that they didn't ask him to leave. He made fussy eating into an art form.

giraffe, I've said that I don't draw attention to people leaving things on their plates or quietly passing on a communal bowl rather than taking any food from it. I certainly wouldn't 'tut' at these things; and as a guest, I occasionally do both of these things myself.

In return though I expect guests not to make faces/noises about the food or tell me self-importantly that they'd have cooked it differently/preferred it if we'd had x instead of y. That's all I'm saying and I don't think that's unreasonable, or very much to ask.

Ah LadyClarice, you said guests should 'eat with good grace what they're served'. If you don't mind them leaving or avoiding bits and don't actually want them to force down sprouts/anchovies/whatever then that's fine :)

How do we feel about people coming to dinner parties/restaurants and then not eating? Something I have to do as like ginnybag I have trouble with certain textures.

I don't understand how people can be so rude as to question me on what I eat and why don't I eat that- it is no-one's business but my own. I don't expect anyone to go out of their way to cater for me, I will either eat before, skip a meal or decline the invitation. We're not like this for fun, you know!

giraffe, exactly! although I think people who don't like anchovies need to get a grip

redrubyshoes I hope you dumped him pronto!

I don't like people leaving food or picking bits out, but I've never actually had this with adults, only kids and teenagers - and for them, as long as they just do it quietly and don't say "That's disgusting," I'm not hugely bothered.