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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be bored of people who don't eat what their given

203 replies

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 29/04/2012 15:35

Seriously, when is it gonna sink in to people that if you accept an invitation to have dinner in someones home, it's only polite to eat what they give you.

On what planet is it ok to do anything other than eat what your given?

It was roast beef by the way, and the guests were british. I didn't give them lambs brains.

fucking twats

OP posts:
WheresMrMonkey · 29/04/2012 20:17

I'm a veggie, and have learnt since very little to just be really grateful for anything I get! Never make a fuss, just very quietly remind anyone when they invite me to anything- making sure they have lots of notice or offer to bring something. I think it is so so rude to not eat what you are given.

GrendelsMum · 29/04/2012 20:17

I've come to the conclusion that it's easiest if people who have strong and particular requirements around food, whether for health or emotional reasons, just explain straight out that they'd rather have a social event that doesn't involve food. One of DH's oldest friends isn't or doesn't feel able (I don't know why - he's never said ) to eat in our house, and we just accept that.

I think that people who choose not to eat food that they're offered tend to take the logical approach that they're simply rejecting a small piece of meat, or rice, or whatever it might be, whereas for their host the rejected food represents money, effort, time and thought.

TattyDevine · 29/04/2012 20:21

My inlaws are fussy to the extent that there is only one roast I can do (chicken) and then I must remove the skin (the best bit) and buy two so there is enough "white meat" to go round them. It does my head in, but if they are eating here, then I do it to ensure my guests are enjoying their meal enough to make it worth our while cooking it for them.

Shits me a bit though I must admit.

MrsSchadenfreude · 29/04/2012 20:26

Well I always ask, is there anything you don't/won't/can't eat? I have done gluten free children's birthday parties, so that coeliac child could eat everything, veggie alternatives, kosher meal (but not glatt kosher). Tell me what you don't eat - I don't want or need to know the reasons for it - and I'll not serve it. But don't tell me that you and your family "eat anything" and then when you arrive, tell me that your children won't eat what I've prepared, and can I prepare something else for them? That is bad manners. And no, I don't want to make fish fingers and plain pasta, as well as the main meal I've prepared "because that is all the children will eat" after you've had a good look through my cupboards and freezer to see what there is. Angry

wigglesrock · 29/04/2012 20:29

I'm not fussy but I don't eat potatoes - can't stand them - roast, creamed, fried, boiled, chips, waffles etc, not for me. Have never eaten them, well I mean I have tried them but no to no avail.

I will eat certain vegetables, meat, fish etc that I'm not fussed on, I've been known to eat sprouts washed down with water on occasion but never will a potato cross my lips again.

RubyGates · 29/04/2012 20:29

I always ask what people don't eat. And I never serve onto the plate so friends get to choose what they serve themselves. I always make more than necessary and I always make a side that could be eaten as a main if a vegetarian I have forgotten about turns up. And I always make a couple of puddings so that no one goes home hungry. Ditto cheese, bread, biscuits and fruit.

I don't ask people to dine so I can inspect their plates afterwards. I invite people because I don't get out much and I enjoy their company.

If there are leftovers in the serving dishes we get an extra meal with no extra effort.

It's such bad manners to expect people to eat anything and everything if you have invited them to your home for an enjoyable evening.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 29/04/2012 20:29

Maybe I am sanguine about it all because my inlaws are fussy:

Dfil will not eat anything "foreign" including the obvious like Indian/Chinese but also pasta and pizza.

Dmil cannot eat cheese, chocolate or citrus (migraine).

And they are not keen on rice or eggs.

These are the people who want us to go away with them for a week next year too.

Coconutty · 29/04/2012 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McHappyPants2012 · 29/04/2012 21:21

Yabu I will only eat foods that i like, I wouldn't be comforatable going to a dinner party if i was made to eat what i was given

medievalgirl · 29/04/2012 22:09

YABU. It's rude not to ask beforehand whether there's anything that your guests don't/can't eat.

maddening · 29/04/2012 22:12

yabu - a good host always checks preferences and dietary requirements - you must be a poor host

tb · 29/04/2012 22:42

Creeps in.......

I love foie gras ........

Creeps out

They produce it in the village where we live, and I force it down, if dd's left any, to support the local economy.

Badgerina · 29/04/2012 23:20

tb I love it too, but am FAR more supportive of FAUX gras.

Badgerina · 29/04/2012 23:20

p.s Haha on the irony of "forcing it down"... Wink

Byecklove · 29/04/2012 23:35

wheresmrmonkey, I'm veggie too (ethical reasons) and am very much like you. Grateful that I've been catered for! I always make sure hosts-to-be know in advance and always offer to bring something. That never happens as people seem very keen on practicing their veggie dishes on me (as an aside, have you noticed how many people say things like, 'oh, I don't really eat much meat anyway' or 'I'm thinking about going veggie' when you tell them you're veggie? Wonder why? Sorry, drifting...

Anyway so when I'm given my lovely veggie meal, I eat it. I'm not overly fond of food - I like what I like the way I make it but can eat s everything. And do (eg cooked, stuffed peppers. Veggie staple in the 90s. Ergh. Courgettes. Eggplant. Desiccated coconut). The point is, I wouldn't prepare any of that for myself but if I was given a plate with only the above on it I would polish as much of it off as possible, making suitably gushy noises. And then reward myself with some wine and chocolate! In fact, a neighbour invited me for lunch a while ago. I started tucking I into my thoughtfully prepared meal (food I really liked too!) and discovered more than one long, dark cat hair. And I polished off the lot. Does that make me an omnivore, I wonder?

Byecklove · 29/04/2012 23:37

'scuse typos. iPhone and should be asleep.

Zzzz

imnotmymum · 30/04/2012 10:04

YANBU at all. Laughing Mrbo "I can't abide fussy eaters.

Also vegetarians"

knowitallstrikesagain · 30/04/2012 10:21

YANBU.

I totally agree that people should not have to eat anything they don't like, but it would be considerate, if you have a strong preferance that the host knows nothing about, to respond to the invitation with 'That would be lovely, but just to warn you I am veggie/muslim/allergic to shellfish/can't stand mushrooms'. This saves the host wasting time and money making something you will refuse to eat.

It is not unreasonable to assume that unless someone has told you that they are allergic or can't eat something, that they will be happy to have what's on offer.

(Am also of the belief that if someone has spent time and money making you a dinner and you did not have the courtesy to inform them in advance that there are things you don't eat, just bloody eat it)

Sirzy · 30/04/2012 10:29

I think expecting someone to list foods they don't like is asking a lot. For a lot of people it would take a very long time to list things they don't like, and may not even cross their minds to mention others!

knowitallstrikesagain · 30/04/2012 10:38

I think as a host it is reasonable to check whether people are allergic or morally won't eat certain foods. After that, if the list is still really long, it is probably best not to accept dinner invitations except from people who you know only eat the same foods as you.

If it takes a very long time to lost foods you don't like, you probably are a bit of a fussy eater.

DrCoconut · 30/04/2012 11:37

Had an interesting conversation re food the other week, almost the reverse scenaio to the subject of the OP. MIL and FIL know I'm vegetarian and insisted that they were fine with veggie food when they visit if I'm cooking. So I make one meal and we all eat it. But I had a well meaning someone telling me that I was being rude not making a meat dish for them because they aren't veggie. If I'm OK cooking it and they have actually said they are OK eating it where is the problem? My worst food fear is dried fruit. I can force almost any vegetarian food down but sultanas are . I ate them once to be polite but had to arrange them carefully among my dessert so as to only get one or two per mouthful and mask the taste. I was trying not to heave as the flavour gets in everything it comes into contact with. But I didn't say "ugghhh" or anything!

fluffiphlox · 30/04/2012 11:41

DrCoconut Just think of sultanas, currants etc as raw wine Wink

I wouldn't expect a veggie to cook for me. Most veggie food is lovely.

pilohshitt · 30/04/2012 13:03

YA most certainly NBU

Obviously health matters or strict dietary rules are an exception, but it is also up to an invited guest to forewarn you IF this is an issue.

To have an ungrateful attitude, when someone has gone to an effort to do something nice for you is a rude and vile way to be. To those that are saying that they don't HAVE to eat anything they don't feel like eating, yes you're right, but that makes me feel like I don't HAVE to make any sort of effort with you again.

I was once invited to a friend's for lunch and he was making a traditional dish he was really proud of. It was pork liver and onions. I really, really hate liver. But I in my opinion one of the ultimate acts of love is to invite someone into your home and nourish them. So I smiled, chewed, swallowed and told him it was delicious. I even forced down seconds. I left feeling sick, but the host was pleased that his meal had been appreciated.

If you're at a restaurant then you can be picky about how your food's done because you're paying for it. But if someone invites you into their home and goes to the trouble of making something they think you'll like, and then you pull a "I don't like carrots/ peas/ fish", then you need to stop acting like a spoiled 3 year old. Adults make sacrifices to preserve other people's feelings.

lockets · 30/04/2012 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meglet · 30/04/2012 13:13

yabu.

Wouldn't it be polite to check in advance to make sure they all fancied it. I've never had people round for dinner but I wouldn't just rustle stuff up without making sure they were all ok with it.

FWIW I sometimes don't eat much if my stomach is hurting me.

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