AIBU to be bored of people who don't eat what their given

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

Seriously, when is it gonna sink in to people that if you accept an invitation to have dinner in someones home, it's only polite to eat what they give you.

On what planet is it ok to do anything other than eat what your given?

It was roast beef by the way, and the guests were british. I didn't give them lambs brains.

fucking twats

When i was growing up one child minder served up nothing but peas for me once she found out i didn't like them. All the other children had other food and i would be presented with a plate of plain peas. I wouldn't eat them so she wouldn't let me down from the table.

So i would sit there till my parent picked me up. No matter how many times my parents told her, she would insist that you shouldn't let a child dictate what they will and wont eat. It was utter indignation that a child should have an opinion and say politely 'no thank you' to an adult.

She was very strange.

Empusa, yes, but my comment was in response to Outraged, who suggested that people who think the OP is being unreasonable are being control freaks and 'precious', and seems to conflate examples of people with genuine health/emotional issues and with people who are plain fussy.

Surely as long as they didn't make a huge fuss and ate some potato, veg and yorkshires it really doesn't matter.

I hate mashed potato. To be polite I once ate it,as a student when someone cooked a meal for me. I then vomited 15 mins later. So now I politely decline if offered mash. Call me fussy if you like. I would call it being sensible.

I Do eat anything and everything else. Just not mash.

lulubellarama I've being itching to say that. But I'm far too polite

I don't mind fussy visiting children. I just assume if they don't like what we're having their parents can feed them again when they get home.

Spuddy my mum was a bit like that. If you let on that there was something you didn't like she'd make it more often, not less. So I kept my mouth shut! She didn't force me to finish my plate, but there wasn't ever an alternative offered.

I usually force it down when I'm a guest. Not quite sure what I'd do it if was liver or something with loads of Anchor butter.

Not as bored as I am with people who don't know the difference between their, there and they're...

::helpful and pedantic all in one post::

It's a tricky one this. One wants to be a good host and provide food that one's guests will like, of course. One makes allowances for allergies and vegetarianism.
There is also such a thing as being a good guest. I don't like avocado (seems such a pointless food to me) but a friend made a starter with it recently and I ate it without making a fuss. If you choose not to eat something, I believe you should either not help yourself to it or if it is put on your plate, you leave it, again WITHOUT MAKING A FUSS.
What I can't bear are the grown up babies who whine and moan and draw attention to themselves as if the fussiness is somehow endearing.

Also annoying if you are having to pander to a grown-up-baby when trying to arrange a meal out. I know someone who will only ever order lasagne. If lasagne isn't available they don't want to come. No food allergies, no religious reasons, grown adult.

My dinner parties are all about the company and the conversation rather than fussing about food. rather similar to our daily evening meals which sometimes involve three different food combinations for three or four different people.
Make it clear how annoyed and upset and devastated you are that they didn't enjoy your roast beef, and they won't come back. Problem solved.

' If lasagne isn't available they don't want to come'

That seems simple and unfussy. They have a choice and so do you.

Polite to tell hosts eating preferences when you accept invite (eg vegetarian, allergies etc etc). That all being said, its quite annoying when the food is something you really don't like.

I don't really care if my guests don't eat the food, its their problem for not warning me they don't like beef / chicken / fish whatever it was - although usually have some sort of choice, and generally put it on the table so people can help themselves as there is nothing I hate more than someone else plating my food.

LadyClarice, the things you describe are just plain rude, there's no arguing with that!

The OP didnt say anything like those other rude behaviours though, just that it was rude not to eat what you were given. Other posters suggested that they thought the same.

I guess I'm coming at this from a different perspective, because of the things that being a fussy eater have meant for dh. It's not always that easy to explain things like food phobias or gag reflex issues to people because people often know little about them, while at the same time they believe in good table manners which include eating what you are given.

You can have the conversation about what food you eat before accepting a dinner invitation, but when the list of what you can comfortably eat is so narrow, people see that as fussy, and in turn, rude.

I'm on the YANBU side.

It is fine to have things you do not like.

It is bloody rude not to notify the host in advance of key items you don't eat that might form the central focus of a meal. I don't care if someone picks the cucumber out of a salad, but if they fail to tell me they are vegetarian, or have allergies, or don't eat red meat/beef/fish/whatever, then they are being rude.

To me it is a simple issue of mutual respect and consideration. Tell me you hate salmon, I won't cook it and we'll all be happy. To let a host waste their time cooking something you won't eat is very rude IMO.

So either you notify in advance, or you go with what's served.

Outraged, I'd rather have interesting than uncomplicated omnivore.

Fallen Thankfully for DH, so would I!

I disliked cauliflower and offal only, until a vegetarian relative served up butternut squash risotto. It was at best indifferent and DH had the shits afterwards, but I think I was too polite. Every time I go there we get bloody butternut squash (the host is question has been heard to utter "your favourite Bobbly") in either that gopping risotto or in a different form

It is far too late to say anything now, so there you go. The other side of the coin and yes, I do make a decent effort and eat it.

What I can't bear are the grown up babies who whine and moan and draw attention to themselves as if the fussiness is somehow endearing.

That does my head in too. I've always assumed that sharing a meal is a sociable event that is there to be enjoyed. So I always ask any guests if they have allergies or dislike any particular foods and cater accordingly. After all, there's no point cooking things people actively dislike. I would never question any allergies/dislikes either since it's a rare person who eats everything and neither would I expect anyone to justify why they don't eat certain foods. I also don't feel offended if people leave food either since I presume they've had enough.

But the sort of grown-up babies who behave worse than actual babies are really not worth inviting back or eating out with. I count amongst them the person who, when having dinner with us in New York made the sort of fuss about the possibility of getting an anchovy on his pizza that I'd not have expected from a small child. Likewise, the boyfriend of a friend who was a vegetarian (so we all happily ate a vegetarian meal) only for him to scream "Euuuuurgggghhh! There's green stuff in this, take it awaaaaay!!". It was a fucking salad....

Outraged - actually, I have no judgement at all on fussy eaters. If someone said to me "DH has some food issues and only eats quite a small range of stuff" I would find that refreshing and happily take suggestions for what the guest would like. It's the wasted time and wasted food element that gets my goat.

Yes, it's often about the company freddos and I'm sure Mr F is delightful. I would like to think that I would be able to cater for him. However, there are some other right fussy devils around who won't even try things that aren't familiar. And they make such a big deal about that they are a pain to cook for. So I tailor my menus (hark at me) to the company or just not invite the real pains.
One vegetarian acquaintance of our was almost disappointed that the bulk of a summer buffet I had done was veggie, because she wanted to do that 'poor me I can't eat anything here' shtick. I am sure Mr F is a bit more reasonable than that. :)

I HATE roast beef, lamb and pork with a passion. If I get the aroma from them while cooking, I start gagging. I'm greatful my parents never forced me to eat that food, I'd eat the vegetables and potatoes - in a different room.
If I'm served any of these when visiting I give it to my DH!

I agree that the performance art of complaining and fussing is annoying, either the 'I can't eat a thing here' or the flouncy OTT response of a host.

DS has eating issues, he brings his own food usually or eats one of the items on offer.
Best meals out have been with fellow teenagers who have no 'self' invested in whether someone will eat what they've cooked, they just think 'Good, all the more for the rest of us' and open a tin of beans for DS if he hasn't got a meal with him.
Far too many hosts take it as a reflection or rejection of them personally, rather than a choice over a few bits of food.

I'm surprised by the number of YABUs. Everybody has things they don't like, but not being too keen isn't an excuse for being rude to your host, who's gone to time and trouble and spent money to put together a meal that they hope you'd enjoy.

Only a knob would be offended if a guest said "X disagrees with me," or explained that they or their partner/child had particular issues with food, but chances are only a knob would turn up to dinner without making any real issues known, to avoid embarrassment to both sides.

IMO, manners come before preferences. I don't like sprouts or parsnips, and wouldn't ever have them at home, but if a friend was kind enough to cook a veggie meal for me that included those things, I'd wash it down with plenty of wine and smile and say thank you.

Surely the easy option would be to call them before and say "I was going to cool x, is that alright with you?" that way everyone is happy and gets something they like to eat.