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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be bored of people who don't eat what their given

203 replies

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 29/04/2012 15:35

Seriously, when is it gonna sink in to people that if you accept an invitation to have dinner in someones home, it's only polite to eat what they give you.

On what planet is it ok to do anything other than eat what your given?

It was roast beef by the way, and the guests were british. I didn't give them lambs brains.

fucking twats

OP posts:
MrsKevinBridges · 29/04/2012 18:28

Surely the other easy option is to call/speak to your host on receiving the invitation and say
"Thanks so much for the invitation. Thought I should let you know I can't eat - insert food name here -. I hope this won't interfere with the menu, would you like me to bring anything?"

AllthatshewantsisanotherBBaby · 29/04/2012 18:30

We are regularly invited to friend for food, the female of the couple does the cooking. Without fail the cooking is poor bland dry meat etc. i eat enough to appear polite. I will not clear my plate as a. Its appaling food b.the portions are huge and c. I dont have to. We still attend to maintain the friendship

However i wouldn't expect anyone to clear their plate at my own home, and i wouldnt feel offended at all, I try not to be wasteful but i wouldnt feel angst toward my guests due to the situation you have represented as long as they ha been polite about it, rather than asking for something else. That said if I do a curry i do a mild and a hot to please everyone so...
Yab a bit U

Sirzy · 29/04/2012 18:32

MrsKevinBridges - for some people it would take a long time to list everything they don't like/can't eat though. Much easier to when making plans say "how about I do roast beef" which gives them time to say they don't like it or thats fine, I will just eat the veg and trimmings as I'm not a lover of beef.

I would never think about cooking for someone else without knowing it was something they like beforehand.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 29/04/2012 18:32

Ahh, thanks for the posters that would be lovely to my dh Smile

I suppose I just wanted to show the other side because I know being fussy has been a huge problem in DHs life, it really has transformed everything now that he can deal with it. But, the people who for us, did just 'get it' and were kind and accommodating without trying to understand the inns and out of something very complicated to explain are all the loveliest people I know.

BobblyGussets · 29/04/2012 18:34

My Nan visited a Toby Carvery (without me, thank fuck) the other week. She told me how much she enjoyed it on the phone, how lovely it was etc.

I am so scared of being "invited " there next time I am visiting the family. I am going to have to go aren't I? Boak.

She is my lovely Nan, so between the Toby Carvery and the bastard butternut squash from Dsis, I am fucked.

Actually OP, looking at the food apprehension I now have, YABU Grin

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 29/04/2012 18:34

Should also point out that my dh would never display any other rude behaviour when it comes to commenting on food or whatever, there's no excuse for that! He just avoided it altogether.

Shagmundfreud · 29/04/2012 18:36

"Do you not dislike any food at all?"

Possibly I'd not want to eat fugu.

But that's because if it's not properly prepared it kills you. Grin

Would eat everything else that was put in front of me. Unless it was bristling with dog hairs or I thought it was off to the point of giving me food poisoning.

chandellina · 29/04/2012 18:38

Yanbu, of course it's rude, barring medical reasons. I can't stand even young children at my house that need special meals made. A guest should always be thankful for a meal and eat without complaint, leaving behind what they despise without commen

FallenCaryatid · 29/04/2012 18:40

So if a visiting child brought a lunchbox with food they ate, rather than eating any of your food, would you find that acceptable, chandellina?

thestringcheesemassacre · 29/04/2012 19:02

I with you girlwithalamatat. I just bloody pick around what I don't like, eat as much as I can.

I can't bear mushrooms but manage get a few down if the host has cooked them.

AmberLeaf · 29/04/2012 19:31

YABU.

FarFromTheNaddingCrowd · 29/04/2012 19:35

I don't accept invites to dinner parties and I have no qualms telling inviters that it is because I am a fussy eater. One of the perks of being an adult:

I GET TO EAT WHAT I WANT AND DON'T HAVE TO EAT STUFF I DON'T LIKE!

Ah, it felt good shouting saying that out loud Grin

kerala · 29/04/2012 19:37

Im with OP and shagmund - its basic manners. If you really can't eat something say in advance and thats fine. Had a family over whose kids (older kids 7 and 9 not tines) wouldn't eat my roast chicken, roast potatoes and veg. Aww they are not feeling well said rather soppy mum letting them play games on phones whilst lounging on sofa while rest of us (including our small children ate said lunch. Amazingly the afflicted pair recovered when the homemade treacle tart came out Hmm.

Mollydoggerson · 29/04/2012 19:42

My MIL and now my step fil are very fussy eaters:

No cream,
No chocolate,
No sauces from packages/jars
No MSG products
No dairy
Don't like fat

Sis in law is vegetarian and obsessed about weight and portion control.

There is so much they don't eat I feel I am justified in not cooking for them. I'm gone beyond caring if this is rude on my part or not. I've tried in the past and they are so awkward, it's just not feasible for me to cook for them while also running our home and looking after small kids.

Hope you enjoy that rant! lol.

Fussy eaters drive me mental.

FallenCaryatid · 29/04/2012 19:47

Get them to cook for you.

marriedinwhite · 29/04/2012 19:55

If I invite adult guests for lunch or dinner whom we don't know very well I ask if there' anything they don't eat, however, I was brought up to believe that if the guest has specific dietary requirements then the onus is on them to let the host know in advance. If they don't do that then the general rule is to put up and shut with good grace. For example "I'm not going to eat it all because I can smell marvellous things form the kitchen and want to save myself" or "I had all of the starter, it was so divine and know I shouldn't have had a big lunch today but I simply can't manage a mouthful more of this even though it's delicious - I can see what trouble you have gone to". Get my drift.

Children should be trained from the cradle not to say "ugh" - it's so rude, just rude, when you are a guest in someone else's home.

I do once though remember almost heaving trying to get down a bowl of apricot, almond and something soup at a dinner party - the most revolting thing I have ever tried to eat. Not even something that a dietary requirement could have foreseen. Oh I can taste it now: spoonfull, boak, sip of water, spoonful, boak, piece of bread and looking around for some sort of container I could have discreetly spooned it into, washed out and got back in place before the host noticed. That course nearly finished me.

HowAboutAHotCupOfShutTheHellUp · 29/04/2012 19:55

Some people don't like every type of food. Get over it. There must be one or two foods that you don't like, would you force yourself to eat something you were presented with even if it meant it made you feel sick, because that's how certain foods make me feel!

If I invite people to my home I establish first whether they enjoy eating what I had in mind and if necessary, amend my menu accordingly.

I want people to enjoy coming to dinner, not eat whatever I have served out of politeness, that is such an uncomfortable feeling. As a child I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I had eaten all of my food, even if I was something I really didn't like. As an adult, I will decide if I eat something or not. If my host hasn't bothered to enquire as to whether I like something then it is she who is rude for making assumptions, not me for not enjoying the food she has prepared.

SundaeGirl · 29/04/2012 19:56

YANBU. Fussy eaters are incredibly irritating.

What I particularly can't stand is when I phone to invite someone and ask if there's anything they can't/won't eat, they say 'oh no, we're easy' and then leave the fricking olives and anchovies on the side of the plate. If they'd have told me I'd have made something they liked and not wasted my time... Hmm

Table manners are such a delineator - I try to keep an open mind, but basically bad table manners are just so difficult to accept. That guy who won't eat starter or pudding Shock - that's just badly brought up.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 29/04/2012 19:56

If you want to horrify yourselves at how fussy some adult fussy eaters can be, have a look at this mnet thread from a little while ago Grin

bibbitybobbitybunny · 29/04/2012 20:02

I would hate to think anyone was forcing themselves to eat something they can't stand just because I had cooked it for them. How awful! Its why I always ask if there are any no-nos when inviting people over. I think that is basic manners, the onus should not be on guests to flag up what they can't bear.

There are some foods I would never give myself: kiwi fruit, cooked beetroot, tongue, natural yogurt - which I could eat and smile and be polite about.

And some ...

oysters, cucumber, foie gras

that I just couldn't force down, sorry.

greenplastictrees · 29/04/2012 20:03

My partner won't eat certain things. Eggs and minced meat he can't eat - he was held down and forced fed it at school. He knows part of his dislike of it is psychological but don't think that makes it any less of a valid reason not to eat it. I've also managed to get him to eat minced pork but beef or lamb he can't do.

He also doesn't eat lamb due to ethical reasons (he wrote his theses on this at university).

There's stuff he doesn't particularly like (fish for example) but he will eat it despite this to be polite.

We tell people we are goi for dinner with that he can't eat those things. I don't see anything wrong with that. I would also always check with dinner guests what they can and can't eat.

HillyWallaby · 29/04/2012 20:09

It depends. Was the roast beef pink and luscious, or grey and leathery?

Seriously though, I always (where possible) check on guests preferences, but super-fussy people get on my tits.

kerala · 29/04/2012 20:11

My FIL is also super fussy. Hilariously he is also vitriolic about "faddy" children am dying to ask what the difference is between a faddy adult and faddy child and why one is ok but the other isn't but Im not rude enough.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 29/04/2012 20:13

Oh go on kerala, I dare you.

scotsgirl23 · 29/04/2012 20:13

I think YABU. You would probably call me fussy, but basically there are certain textures of food that I just can't stomach at all. Things which (to me) taste kind of slimy. Now I have been trying for YEARS to improve this, and I have actually added a fair number of things which I couldn't previously eat. But unfortunately, things like mushrooms, raw tomatoes, melon, bananas, definitely banoffee pie, and most fish (although that one is improving)/seafood, make me feel physically sick. I can't eat them, I literally can't. My throat feels like it is closing up and I start to gag.

So frankly, you can think I am being rude if you want to, but if you serve up a giant stuffed mushroom, followed by beef stroganoff, followed by banoffee pie (yes, that's you SMIL, despite being told I hate mushrooms) then I am going to eat very little. I won't say anything, I will push it round my plate and eat whatever I can (i.e as much of the stroganoff as possible whilst playing dodge the mushroom) but I will not make myself physically ill. Sorry. And if that seems rude to you then tough.

When I invite people for dinner I always make sure that either they are happy with the menu, or there is a choice of dishes. And if someone doesn't eat much that's fine. I'd rather my guest was able to have a nice time than feeling like they had to eat something they really dislike.