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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

vegan mum at kids party was rude?

399 replies

DoozerDrift · 15/04/2012 20:42

Took DS to a young child's birthday party at soft play today, and there was a vegan mum with her DC there. When it came to cake time, there was no vegan cake, so the mum gave her DC a chocolate lollipop out of her bag.

OK, her DC seemed happy with the situation and asked to hosts to check what was and wasn't vegan. So no problem there I don't think (although I'll bet my bottom dollar they'll rebel and live on bacon sandwiches when they're old enough to ignore their mum!) Grin

BUT AIBU to think that taking separate treats to a party is A) rude to the hosts and B) unfair to the other children at the party who might prefer what the vegan DC are eating?

OP posts:
TheHonMrsP · 15/04/2012 20:43

yabvvvu

I do this all the time - I have no idea why you might think it was a problem.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/04/2012 20:43

YABU, I don't see a problem with it. would you prefer that the vegan child sat there with nothing whilst the others tucked into cake?

PurpleRomanesco · 15/04/2012 20:44

YABU, Would you rather the child got nothing and just sat and watch the other children eat cake?

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2012 20:44

Seems that parents can prove more of a problem than kids. Ban the parents....let them take their kids to the party...drop them off and collect them when it's over.

PurpleRomanesco · 15/04/2012 20:44

X post with Hex :o

fivegomadindorset · 15/04/2012 20:45

YABU, so it would be OK for the child to sit and watch the other children eating treats which they cant have?

Procrastinating · 15/04/2012 20:45

YABU. Not rude at all.

TiggyD · 15/04/2012 20:45

YABU.

D0oinMeCleanin · 15/04/2012 20:45

YABU. Surely it would have been more rude for her to expect the party hosts to cater special foods just for her? And unfair to stop her ds going because of her lifestyle?

And how do you know she didn't have extra lollies incase anyone wanted one? Did anyone ask for one?

MagsAloof · 15/04/2012 20:45

I think if you have quite a limited diet like a vegan / Kosher etc do it is fair enough.

Otherwise, rude.

FashionEaster · 15/04/2012 20:45

Sounds totally practical and a good way of ensuring her dcs don't miss out. If the other kids want what her kids are having, hard cheese or rather a slice of birthday cake.

YABU Smile

Original poster
DoozerDrift · 15/04/2012 20:45

I suppose because the vegan diet has been 'inflicted' on the DC, I also feel sorry for them having to ask what's vegan and what isn't. One day mum won't be there with her bag of lollies, then what will they do?!

OP posts:
Morph2 · 15/04/2012 20:45

i think YABU if her child can't eat the vegan treats then whats the problem with her providing her own. I think she would be unreasonale if she expected the host to provide or made the child go without

WorraLiberty · 15/04/2012 20:45

YABU

So what if some kids might 'prefer' what the vegan child was eating?

You can't have everything you want.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 15/04/2012 20:45

It sounds sensible to me. I would think a child with a restricted diet probably quite often fancies what the other children are eating, too ... I quite often fancy what the lady at the next table is eating, and the cat quite often fancies what I am eating.

Is it the end of the world?

SuePurblyBusinesslike · 15/04/2012 20:46

Indeed, what would have worked for you OP even though it was nowt to do with you? The child getting nothing? The mother taking him home? Them saying 'Oh, it was a silly idea anyway, this Veganism shizzle' and handing him a hot dog?

rhondajean · 15/04/2012 20:46

Really?

I thought this was going to be about a mum throwing a fit as there was no vegan food for her child.

So she came prepared to avoid a scene, and then when her child couldn't have cake just gave him an alternative rather than making hte host feel bad?

Yabvvvvvu.
The other kids were provided with cake, it would have been them being rude if they had asked for something else.

I also have a vegan friend and I don't think you appreciate how difficult it can be for them to find suitable food out and about.

Harecare · 15/04/2012 20:46

YABU. Would you want her kid to sit there with no cake and no treat at all?

Proudnscary · 15/04/2012 20:46

Bloody hell I thought you were going to say she made a scene about there being non-vegan food there, not considerately and sensibly giving her dc a lolly!

YABU!!!!

Are you for reals?

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 15/04/2012 20:46

Surely you know yabvu? It sounds eminently sensible to me. Otherwise her child would have had no treat at all? It would have been even better had the party hosts known the child was vegan and provided something, but in case they didn't how can this have been at all rude?

parakeet · 15/04/2012 20:46

YABU.

Butt out, there's a dear.

DoesItComeInBlack · 15/04/2012 20:47

When I had parties for my eldest I always made sure I catered for all dietary needs, be it vegetarian, vegan or halal. If i hadn't I wouldn't have been offended if the mum had sorted their own child out, I wouldn't want to see a child go hungry. So I don't think the mum was unreasonable at all.

hermioneweasley · 15/04/2012 20:47

No problem with taking something suitable fr her DS - unlikely to be vegan cake at a kids birthday party. Nowhere near unreasonable as the mum of a girl WHO DID NOT RSVP to DS's birthday party who coukdn't have nuts or milk. Her mother proceeded to grab every packet saying "Ooo, DD can't have that". If she had said 1. she was coming and 2. had allergies WE WOULD HAVE CATERED FOR THEM!!

Seona1973 · 15/04/2012 20:47

it was probably a soya chocolate lollipop and would taste minging anyway - I think it is fine to take treats for your child so they dont miss out if nothing has been provided that they can eat e.g. at ds's party there was a girl who has cannot have gluten so we provided gluten free cake for her. At ds's party a boy couldnt have dairy or egg so I bought dairy free chocolate buttons for him and sweets/crisps that he could eat

StrandedBear · 15/04/2012 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.