vegan mum at kids party was rude?

[DoozerDrift]

Took DS to a young child's birthday party at soft play today, and there was a vegan mum with her DC there. When it came to cake time, there was no vegan cake, so the mum gave her DC a chocolate lollipop out of her bag.

OK, her DC seemed happy with the situation and asked to hosts to check what was and wasn't vegan. So no problem there I don't think (although I'll bet my bottom dollar they'll rebel and live on bacon sandwiches when they're old enough to ignore their mum!)

BUT AIBU to think that taking separate treats to a party is A) rude to the hosts and B) unfair to the other children at the party who might prefer what the vegan DC are eating?

[shesparkles]

Doozer, out of interest, how do you think veganmum should have dealt with the matter?

[mynewpassion]

I wonder if the OP will do an extensive background check on all the children before inviting them to her DC's parties. They can't have allergies; they can't be lactose intolerant; they can't be vegans or vegetarians; they have to like what she is providing for food, drinks, snacks, and party favors.

Its her way or the highway, meaning no invite.

[shesparkles]

.... Given that non vegan cake wasn't an option

[PatriciaHolm]

Have you seriously never met a vegan before? Where do you live - Daily Mail Island?!!

[DoozerDrift]

upahill, I said I think it's rude because it's rejecting the food that the host had paid for and the softplay place had provided for no good reason IMO. Also the other DC at the party might have prefered what the vegan DC had. It could have caused a problem. You don't risk causing a problem at someone's party.

[EllenJaneisnotmyname]

Are you just anti - vegan then?

[upahill]

But what if the child was Muslim and mum took some halal stuff for him so he could eat at the same time as the rest of his mates if the rest of them were eating non halal stuff?
Would you critize her as well?

[KatieMiddleton]

Yes Op. You are quite right. We should all be Exactly The Same.

Same colour, same clothes, same hair, same religion, same politics, same morals, same ideologies, same car...

[CremeEggThief]

I already said I thought you are the rude one, OP. Your subsequent posts have just reinforced my original opinion.

Here, have a nice, vegan .

[rhondajean]

Yes woe betide anyone should be - hushed tones now - different!

[upahill]

It is a good reason though.
They are vegan so not in a position to eat everything that was there.
It was of no consequence to the soft play or the host so what is the problem.

[Calamityboo]

not surprised notactually did you not realise that in RL narrow minded judgy pants people were not only judging you but were (unsucessfully) inviting others to judge you on FB. We are meat eaters, and we also know vegetarians too, (no vegan though) and I always make sure there is food for them when i do a party (and would try to do it for vegan or other dietry requirements if I could) cos I am a suck up

[PurpleRomanesco]

For no good reason?

I despair, I really do.

[LydiaWickham]

Oh I see, you don't have a problem with the way she handled it, you have a problem with a vegan parent not compromising their beliefs in order to fit in with everyone else.

She's vegan, her DCs are vegan, the food wasn't vegan so they couldn't eat it, why isn't that an acceptable reason to reject it?

[SuePurblyBusinesslike]

HAhahahahhahaha at 'rejecting the host and soft play's food'. You never seen the table after a children's party then? Ground in sandwiches, crisps and Iced Gems as far as the eye can see - all rejected. Some chewed then rejected.

But you're right. She should have put aside her moral/health/whatever choice and fitted in, in case some other child wanted a suck of a carob lolly and - HEAVENS - had to be told no.

[mynewpassion]

Well, I am pretty sure that the hostess didn't just provide food for the vegan child while your child and the rest of the other children had to pay for your own. I am sure that the kids ate enough to cover the cost of the vegan child not eating the cake.

[PatriciaHolm]

"I'd rather see the DC tucking into the same cakes as every other child there!"

but that never happens anyway! There is always a child who doesn't like chocolate cake/prefers biscuits/is too full/only eats icing....etc, so you never get an entire parties' worth of children all peacefully eating the same thing, and they certainly don't care. Several of DD's classmates can't have Haribo; at parties, if Haribo is given out, they are given something different, no children comment or even care that they have something different. Fortunately, the average 5/6/7 yr old is far more tolerant that you are, OP!

[EllenJaneisnotmyname]

So, when I brought my own gluten free cake for my DS to a party for him, was I being rude? He was on a strict gluten free diet as a trial, he needed to be GF for 6 months. Should I just have abandoned it in case his GF cake looked nicer than the birthday cake? You are beyond belief.

[notactuallyme]

Oooh calamity I shall pay more attentiom to the whispers when I enter a room with my party going child!

[KatieMiddleton]

The more I think about this the more I agree with the Op. That child should have been punished. Fancy being something as exotic as a vegan and then being out in public rubbing people's faces in it.

[Metabilis3]

@Doozer it's not no good reason


You really are a ridiculous stereotype.

[Jinsei]

Of course they are inforcing being a vegetarian as they are not giving the option of eating meat and other animal products. At a young age children should have the opportunity to experience a variety of different tastes and textures(unless there is an allergy)

I don't feed my daughter meat, as I don't eat it or cook it myself, and neither does DH. We both used to be vegetarian but have eaten fish since before dd was born, so she eats fish too. I don't regard meat as being particularly healthy, so why would I rush out and buy it for dd?

I have always told her that she is free to eat meat outside the home ie in school or at friends' houses if she so chooses. I don't have strong feelings about it and wouldn't really mind if she chose to eat meat when she is older or not. So far, however, she prefers to stay "pescatarian".

Am I inflicting this diet on her? To an extent, yes, but it is her choice too. And we all inflict our own dietary choices on our children, don't we? I don't feed dd beetroot, for example, because I can't stand the sight of it. I am guessing that you probably don't feed your child dog meat, because you wouldn't eat it yourself. That isn't denying your child the opportunity to try something different, it's just common sense.

If I were still a vegetarian, I would feed vegetarian food to my child. If I was a meat-eater, I would feed her meat. If I were a vegan, I'd feed her vegan food. It's very simple. BTW, DH was brought up as a vegetarian and is the only one of his siblings who eats fish, let alone meat. So veggie kids don't always rebel when they are older. And although my eating habits are different from those of my carnivorous parents, I don't regard that as a rebellion either.

OP, well done for admitting that you were BU, but I do find it very weird that you commented on such a non-issue on FB.

[Tiptoptoe]

No good reason? As decided by who? You do realise that there are many different diets out there of which vegans are very normal. In some parts of the world, dog and rat could have been served? Would it be rude to reject this if the host had paid for it? Sorry Doozer but I find you very narrow minded.

[LibrarianByDay]

YABVU and I would suggest you are the rude mother here. Fancy asking the party host whether she was put out by another mum's choices. What could you have done if she was other than gossiped about the vegan mum?