To have been more annoyed at DP than the couple ripping the piss out of us?

[GNationalSucks]

This issue spreads throughtout the entire day so bear with me please.

DP and I had been very busy all day and hadn't had time to eat. We were driving past a McDonalds and I asked him if he fancied grabbing a burger. He agreed. We go through the drive-thru and I ask for a big mac meal and DP says he wants a chicken sandwich meal which costs £2.19. I order both and DP says "I'll sort out what I owe you when we get back to your house". I was like " don't worry about it, I'm buying". He didn't respond which I thought was rather rude but anyway!!

Later in the day we're in Asda and I have a conveyor belt of stuff heading to the cashier. DP puts a few things on the end of it, hands me a £5 note and says "that's for the stuff, you owe me 50p". I laugh assuming he's joking, turns out he isn't - I look at the stuff he's got and it can't cost more than £3 so I ask "why 50p?? that stuff doesn't come to £4.50" and he says "no, its to cover my side of the Mcdonalds earlier." At this point I see the couple in front of us catch each other's eyes and smirk without saying a word. It's obvious they were laughing at us.

I said "I bought the lunch, I told you at the time" so he says "oh did you?? oh right!! cool, well you owe me more than 50p then! () here let me work this out ... " the cashier then smirks and the man in front shakes his head. All 3 of them are ripping the piss out of us. I snap "Just sort it out later for gods sake".

We had a row about it when we got back to the car. I feel he showed us up and he does this a lot. When we got out for "2 meals for £10" things he'll try and work out exactly how much I need to contribute in front of the waitress. He's done it on buses, pubs, everything. One time we were in a bar and I'd bought the last round. We went to the bar and looked expectantly at him and he said quite aggressively "oh no! it's YOUR round!". que - a group of blokes start laughing at him. I calmly point out "err no, it isn't" to which he replies "Of course it is!!" when he realises his mistake he points out that as I drank a coke on my last round I should make up the difference or some shite that I didn't fully understand at the time.

Anyway, past issues aside, was I being unreasonable to be more annoyed at him making a laughing stock of us in asda than be annoyed at the people laughing?

I think the only way to view this is thank the Lord he's shown his hand so early on. My ex was perfectly reasonable about money until we moved in together, whereupon he suddenly felt the need to start a spreadsheet to log who paid for what when we went on holiday (and solemnly handed over three pound coins when it transpired that I had spent £6 more than he had) and go through the supermarket receipt with three different colours of highlighter pen to distinguish between my purchases (e.g. tampons), his purchases (e.g. razor blades) and joint purchases and work out our exact share on that basis.

He earned 3-4 times what I did, incidentally.

Run, OP!

Like Hec I feel a bit sad how the fact that someone with odd / unpleasant behaviour is automatically thought to be possibly autistic.

DS is ASD but I would be doing him a disservice if I failed to equip him with the appropriate social skills not to behave like this. Instead I have helped him learn that to function well in society he needs to be polite, generous and kind spirited, and that any financial cost outlaid is repaid in other ways - benefitting from being included in social activities etc.

OP if you really like him then you need to discuss this with him. My lovely friend's DH is known as a bit of a tightwad, even though he has a stratospheric salary, she on the other hand is extremely generous and has taught him that it is in his best interests to keep quiet.

Seriously......................! I don't know how you stand it!!! I would get out now, while you can!

Terminally tight, is what I would call it. My XP was the same (dearly hope it's not him you are with).
I haven't read the whole thread but I hope you are reconsidering your future with this man in the light of all the no doubt wise advice people will have given you.

Flightty : It sounds like he knows how to suppress it the rest of the time

No, it doesn't. He raves on about his cut-price jeans and trainers BECAUSE there's a group of fashion-conscious men at the next table. He thinks he's showing he's cleverer than them. Whereas he's really showing he's a pompous, penny-pinching bore.

ps, Flightty: There's nothing wrong with working out your 'share' in your head if you want to! Your thoughts are private, it's imposing them on others that's offensive.

I'll bring out a quote I've seen around here: "if somebody shows you their true colours, BELIEVE THEM"

Ooh reminds me of a horrid ex flatmates boyfriend. I was a trainee solicitor at tiny firm earning peanuts. He was 6 years older in IT at my flatmates law firm so on at least triple what I was earning. He moved into our two girl flat and didn't pay me ONE PENNY towards any of the bills or rent - he was there for months. ONce he made us all a lasagne for dinner which they both made a song and dance about as if that made up for everything. It didn't really occur to me how utterly freeloading he was until my mother said at least having an extra flatmate would help with bills etc. Err no. Sorry hadn't thought of that for years but still riles.

Ohh and a school friend who was super tight. We lived rurally so a gang of us took it in turns to drive into the local city to go out. We never charged each other as we all took turns. Except stingy friend who said her dad made her buy petrol so we all had to pay 50p when she drove. Thought this was odd as her dad was lovely and her game was up when he waved us off with "you've got a full tank darling of course Ive filled up the car" so she had been pocketing our payments for months...

LeQ

Oh DUMP DUMP DUMP.

People with this attitude towards money are a lost cause, honestly they are, and the worst of it is that they can never, never for the life of them get why that is the case.

Pennies don't matter. There are so many bigger things in life. It is better, in every way - and with most decent people, automatic - to just wave off any tiny monetary discrepancy. Isn't it?

'Oh don't worry, keep the change'
'Oh hey I'll get this - what are you having?'
'
Not pinching the pennies when with friends is a nod to them, a form of politeness, of generosity, of showing pleasantry to them. People like your Soon To Be Ex don't get why that is more important than saving 26p. They don't get why normal people feel richer by giving rather than by taking. They'd rather 26p than that warm feeling - in fact, they don't get that warm feeling.

It's impossible for this attitude to not inform other parts of their lives. They are MEAN in body and soul. Don't make the mistake of sharing your life with a meanie - it's soul destroying. Nine months? Wave him off!!!

LQ, that sounds like me with my first. He had premature ejaculation, but obviously I didnt know that and spent a year wondering what all the fuss was about sex, as it was over before it had begun :o

Talk about bad luck!

LeQueen - you must have done something very bad in a past life, but hey, reckon you've done your time

"You owe me 50p." This is ok for a 7 year old child to say, but only acceptable in a grown man if it is said as a joke.

I worked with someone who used to charge his wife petrol money if he drove her anywhere. He used to wait for exact money if he bought a round of drinks at the works tea bar.

They split up in the end. He ran off with a man he met at s star trek convention.

Tory, and Hecate - I'm sorry, I only mentioned AS because I have it myself and can identify with the bloke.

I didn't mean to suggest that he is on the spectrum necessarily but as it['s something I relate to I thought it was a possibility.

I see someone else already suggested it before I posted though. I tried my best to defend him.