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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have chucked my son and his girlfriend out?

194 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 13/04/2012 11:17

Things came to a head last night and I ended up telling them both to get out of my house.

(They are both 18)

So first thing this morning his dad phoned me to 'tell me' how unreasonable I was and that I was the grownup and should just 'suck it up' . According to him 18 year olds can be tempermental and fiesty

I feel angry, confused and annoyed and also sad because I never thought I'd ever have to say to one of my children 'get out, leave'

Apparently he (DS1) wants to come round and pick up his stuff this afternoon.

I've suggested it might be better if he stays away from the house for today and tomorrow then he can come round on Sunday afternoon (without his girlfriend) and if he wants to move out he can collect his belongings.

He physically pushed me over because I went into the livingroom (about midnight) when he was playing his xbox on some sort of important battle and I wasn't allowed in

He then dragged me out of livingroom

I blew my top with him

OP posts:
bamboobutton · 13/04/2012 11:20

if he wants to move out?!!

i've followed your threads but never posted before but bloody hell, just leave their stuff in bags in the garage/shed/rain and get shot of them once and for all.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 11:20

You should have called the Police and had him arrested!

I'm sorry to say but as soon as I saw the thread title I knew this would be you.

He's been walking all over you for as long as I've 'known' you on here and it's not getting any better is it? Sad

What do you mean by "and if he wants to move out he can collect his belongings"

I thought you'd quite rightly thrown him out? Confused

squoosh · 13/04/2012 11:20

YANBU

He's a man now and displaying violence towards his mother. Not OK. If his Dad is so concerned why doesn't he have them come live with him?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/04/2012 11:22

Of course YANBU.

Everyone on here has been telling you to kick him and his girlfriend out for ages.

I wonder how long this will last...

FallenCaryatid · 13/04/2012 11:23

I knew it was going to be you, OP.
Now stick to your guns. They can move in with her mother and the bloody cats, they can move in with his father or they can stop being abusive freeloaders and get their own place.

FallenCaryatid · 13/04/2012 11:24
my2centsis · 13/04/2012 11:24

YANBU!!

I'm shocked at what his dad said! There is no excuse for your child who you gave birth to and raised to push you over!!

I am so sorry you are in this situation op, although one thing I'm wondering is you seem to not like the gf much saying he can come get his stuff without her? I'm not sure how this situation is her fault?

I really hope he apologizes to you!

Goodluck!

GavisconJunkie · 13/04/2012 11:26

I also j ew who the op would be before opening. YANBU don't let him back. Have his stuff ready & have someone with you when he comes to pick it up.

diddl · 13/04/2012 11:26

Why would you need to ask after what he did?

Can his father offer him a home if he´s so concerned?

ObiWan · 13/04/2012 11:26

Put their stuff in bags outside the door.

If you allow him to move back in after what he has done, he will never realise how serious his actions were. Especially as his father seems to think you were in the wrong.

GavisconJunkie · 13/04/2012 11:26

*knew!!! One handed bf/phone typing

BlackOutTheSun · 13/04/2012 11:29

sorry how it happened but it's about bloody time

bag his stuff up and leave it on the doorstep

YonWhaleFish · 13/04/2012 11:32

YADDDDDNBU. Stuff, in bin bags, on front pavement/lawn/yard.

If "Dad" is so bothered he can take them in.

Violence is unacceptable.

Go you! cheers for Creamy Be strong.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 13/04/2012 11:32

I did phone the police on the non emergency number. That was the only way I could actually get them to leave.

The police guy was brilliant and said (over the phone) to DS1 'look I'd get out the house if I was you it's obvious you are in the wrong'

But then this morning I have his dad telling me I over reacted and should never have involved the police.

Then ive had aunties and uncles phoning to tell me how cruel I am and it is so unjustified and unwarranted to chuck him and his girlfriend out.

DS1 has obviously been busy on the phone this morning

OP posts:
redlac · 13/04/2012 11:32

Well done Creamola! Bag up there stuff and leave it on the doorstep. Change the locks if they don't give you back the keys - after him dragging you out of your own livingroom he doesn't deserve to live under your roof.

Now you have got shot of them DON'T let them move back in - get rid of his bedroom furniture and turn it into something for YOU

OddBoots · 13/04/2012 11:32

It is not unreasonable to remove an adult from your home when that adult has been physically abusive to you, your son needs to know that is absolutely unacceptable.

bobbledunk · 13/04/2012 11:34

He physically dragged you from your own living room?Shock

Pack up all his stuff and tell him that he can pick it up Sunday afternoon, leave it outside for him to collect. Tell him he is no longer welcome in your home and until he grows up, learns some respect and expresses proper remorse with a genuine apology you will have no contact with him. Make clear that you will not be treated like that and he will never be allowed live with you again under any circumstances.

Then leave him be. He is an adult, a very obnoxious, juvenile one by the sounds of it, see him as he is and be disgusted. Hope that he grows up someday. Know that won't happen while his parents coddle him. You teach him how to treat you and others by what you allow him to get away with. Don't give this adult baby any leeway, don't let him come into your home, don't give him another opportunity to bully and abuse you, don't back down.

glastocat · 13/04/2012 11:34

I also knew this would be you. FGS chuck them out, they have had this coming for a long time! If the rest of the family are so concerned, they can house them.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 13/04/2012 11:35

Let his dad, uncle and aunties house the freeloaders then. And their bloody xbox, cats etc. Don't let them back. Change your locks, too.

YonWhaleFish · 13/04/2012 11:35

Ignore the aunties et al - they have been manipulated by your son and his gf, and doubtless are unaware of the true facts.

FallenCaryatid · 13/04/2012 11:36

How lovely that he has so many supportive relatives. He can stay with them all in turn, or they can have a whip-round and give him a deposit.

AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 13/04/2012 11:36

Good for you! Stick with it and don't let them back, they are old enough to deal with the consequences.

I've followed your threads and think you are a saint for letting them stay as long as you did.

Stay strong and ignore everyone who tells you to let them back - If they are that concerned then they can let them move in with them!

LoopyLoeufdePaques · 13/04/2012 11:36

What everyone else said. It's sad, but regardless of whose son he is, an adult being violent to you has no right to remain in your home.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 11:37

Every time you get a phone call from the family, repeat these words over and over again...

"He physically pushed me over because I went into the livingroom (about midnight) when he was playing his xbox on some sort of important battle and I wasn't allowed in. He then dragged me out of livingroom"

If they're not listening, change your phone number.

bobbledunk · 13/04/2012 11:37

Oh and tell all those idiots that they are welcome to have him in their homes, they can facilitate his bullying, nasty behaviour by allowing him to treat them like dirt, you won't be tolerating it.

Don't back down! You deserve to be safe, free, respected and happy in your own homeSmile.

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