AIBU to have chucked my son and his girlfriend out?

[CreamolaFoamless]

Things came to a head last night and I ended up telling them both to get out of my house.

(They are both 18)

So first thing this morning his dad phoned me to 'tell me' how unreasonable I was and that I was the grownup and should just 'suck it up' . According to him 18 year olds can be tempermental and fiesty

I feel angry, confused and annoyed and also sad because I never thought I'd ever have to say to one of my children 'get out, leave'

Apparently he (DS1) wants to come round and pick up his stuff this afternoon.

I've suggested it might be better if he stays away from the house for today and tomorrow then he can come round on Sunday afternoon (without his girlfriend) and if he wants to move out he can collect his belongings.

He physically pushed me over because I went into the livingroom (about midnight) when he was playing his xbox on some sort of important battle and I wasn't allowed in

He then dragged me out of livingroom

I blew my top with him

Well done OP. It is harrowing but I would bet you will find a bunch of things start to go more right now.

Oh I was so hoping this was you and I'm tentatively putting up the bunting.

Can you imagine how lovely it's going to be to have your home back? :)

Well done

Yanbu at all, he assaulted you. Pack his thingsup and leave them outside the house. His Dad should have him then!

YANBU OP. Congratulations. :)

Well done CreamolaFoam.

You must remind yourself that you are doing this for his benefit.

If you had let things continue in this way it might have ended in ambulances/police being called/social services and a much worse mess to sort out in the long term even him with a criminal sentence!

He has had is wake up call so now he needs to grow up - you have done him a great favour and now it's up to him.

Don't let him wheedle his way back in. He is old enough to find lodgings and learn independence.

Thanks again.

MaryZ I'm good this morning.

I did have a bit of a wobble because I'd gone into his bedroom and noticed that he's taken his blankie (which still goes to bed with him every night) and his stuffed chip toy, and Scotty bear. I'm not sure why them going set me off but it did.

I feel weirdly relaxed now

I have accepted his apology , I do think he has had quite a shock which is a good thing and I am hoping that it ends wih him becoming a better person as happened with harressedandherbug son

He will stay with his dad for now.

I'm hoping this will kick start him into getting another part-time job and going back to college and making an effort and getting his own flat.

There is no way if he ever does have to move back in, which I'm hoping won't the be case as he has to stand on his own two feet, that a girlfriend would ever be allowed to 'lodge' in my house again

It's been a hard lesson for me but I do think I'm learning from it

Well done Creamola, you sound much more focused and firm this time.

A lesson well learnt for you both, howevere hard it has been. Hopefully you can have a much more positive relationship with your son from now on.

Having read your previous posts I'm thrilled for you, I hope you can stay strong.
However, I think you're wavering. You're already talking about if he comes back you won't let a girlfriend join him again. Who was it who threw you about and abused you in your own home? Your son. Do the best thing for him as well as you and don't let him move back in under any circumstances. He's with his dad, he can stay there, or his dad can help him make other arrangements. You've served your time and deserve to be released.

I'm not wavering

At last cremola i know you have been annoyed at people on your threads about them but i guess it had to come from you and what you would tolerate ,
im sorry it came to aggresion and violence but them not being in your home anymore is for the best imo ,
from your other post he came across as the man of the house for want of a better phrase he basically thought he was above you , dont take them back for now let them stand on their own 2 feet , he has no right to treat you like that , and let his dad deal with them see how long his patience lasts , and dont feel guilty about it he may give you some sort of story stand up for yourself ,

Please don't waver, and if you think that you are about to wobble, log on and get some support.

Great news Creamola. We have a (only very slightly) similar thing with a family member. Basically mothered quite a bit, lived rent free etc etc, and it's taken quite a while for him to grow up because he didn't really have to. It's a bit sad really, as if the parents had been a bit more parental then I think he would have developed emotionally a bit sooner. No violence or anything like that but just too much love and not enough guidance.

You're actually being a better mum to your son by standing up to him and drawing a line in the sand. Good luck :)

Oh... I don't mean you've been a bad mum but just that he clearly needs some firm guidance over what's acceptable which I think has probably been a bit lacking because you seem so nice... I'll stop digging now!

I think part of the problem was because I left his Dad and fell really bad about breaking up the family unit

Then I had a new guy who was with us for a long time but then he commited suicide

I suppose in a way I was overcompasating (if that makes sense?)

yes you were over compensating, but dont be hard on yourself i know some people me included were a bit hard on you about him but i do think people care and dont want to see you walked over , he is a grown man needing to mature cremola and I think this will be a wake up call from him , you cant spoil him like a little boy anymore

Me too MaryZ

YANBU. Let his dad have him there for a bit before he tells you YABU.