AIBU to have chucked my son and his girlfriend out?

[CreamolaFoamless]

Things came to a head last night and I ended up telling them both to get out of my house.

(They are both 18)

So first thing this morning his dad phoned me to 'tell me' how unreasonable I was and that I was the grownup and should just 'suck it up' . According to him 18 year olds can be tempermental and fiesty

I feel angry, confused and annoyed and also sad because I never thought I'd ever have to say to one of my children 'get out, leave'

Apparently he (DS1) wants to come round and pick up his stuff this afternoon.

I've suggested it might be better if he stays away from the house for today and tomorrow then he can come round on Sunday afternoon (without his girlfriend) and if he wants to move out he can collect his belongings.

He physically pushed me over because I went into the livingroom (about midnight) when he was playing his xbox on some sort of important battle and I wasn't allowed in

He then dragged me out of livingroom

I blew my top with him

Omg I would have called the police!

Don't let him back!!!

Creamola - ignore your relations.

You are so frustratingly passive in your own life, it makes me want to shake you.

Why, WHY do you care about his dads opnion, his aunties opinion when he was physically violent towards you in your own home?

Seriously, just pack his shit up and leave it outside, put a letter in it if you want explaining why he has been kicked out, and that you will not be pushed around be anyone especially an 18yr old who has used and taken the piss out of you for so long.

Maybe this will do him some good, but please, ffs, just stop thinking 'if' he wants to move out,,,, you have already chucked him out, if you go and then tell him he has a choice he will take you for the mug you are.

I would also say to these opinionated family members who think you are so 'cruel' that they can have him, put him and his gf up and see how they like being dragged about because they dared to go into their own god dam living room.

I am not surprised to read this post.

You need to keep him out now. Sod all this "I'm his mother, he needs me" shite. He has no respect for you nor does his girlfriend. Would you ever let any other adult treat you in this manner? He IS an adult now and as such should be expected to behave by adult rules and expectations. Stand up for yourself, tell them you won't tolerate their crap anymore, bag up their stuff and don't let them back.

As for other family members you know they're only saying that stuff because they don't want this freeloading pair of wasters to trash their lives and homes don't you.

I've noticed your threads before op but never commented.

By saying 'if' he wants to move out are you considering offering him a choice in the matter?
Because if you do, you know once he returns that his girlfriend will be back insitu before you can blink right?

He has shown violence to you, time for him to grow up and learn that actions have consequences. He may, no he will have more appreciation for you if he is not living with you and does not have you to pander to his every whim.

I do hope you take some of the advice offered on board this time.

Blimey, I knew this was you before I even clicked on the title.

Im also, sadly, certain that they will both be back in your home by the end of the month, and you will be posting about how awful your life is.

Like others have said, this is your clean break. If you backtrack now, you will send a very clear message to your son, his gf and the ex that its OK to abuse you in your own home. You will never be rid, and you will be in danger of further abuse. Your son has not gone to rellie and said "I fucked up and lost my temper" - he's gone "oh my mum is mad and kicked me out for nothing". So unless you are prepared to follow through with a consequence for bad behaviour, you will end up back in your crap life.

Your decision, your choice.

Well I´m guessing that they don´t want him-hence trying to convince you to keep him!

I agree with turfing his stuff out & not letting him in at all tbh-it might make him realise what he did.

Also, if he has a key, change the locks.

i haven't read any of your other posts, but you may find that kicking him out is the best thing you have ever done for him. He will have to finally fend for himself and it will demonstrate that actions have consequences, DV is not acceptable and mothers should be treated with respect. Maybe his gf will thank you for these lessons in years to come?
I also agree with those who say his father and relatives are trying to manipulate you into taking him back because they know exactly what he's like and don't want the responsibility themselves. They are all used to you being the human shield against this idiot.

Lets not all use this thread as an opportunity to hark back to Cremolas other threads - she has taken charge of the situation and they are now out of the house.

It's about freakin' time. Pack his stuff, tell the family to get their beaks out and/or take him in themselves so they can be pushed and shoved and beaten in their own homes.

And then go buy a spine. It's about time you did.

Just to echo what everone else has said op.
You have to think of yourself now. It's totally unacceptable for anybody to be violent to someone else. You come before this person now, even if it is your son.
Hope you can be strong and deal with this, so you feel safe and your son knows he can't behave like this.

'Lets not all use this thread as an opportunity to hark back to Cremolas other threads - she has taken charge of the situation and they are now out of the house.'

Yup.
For the moment.

Lets not all use this thread as an opportunity to hark back to Cremolas other threads - she has taken charge of the situation and they are now out of the house

I see what you're saying but it couldn't not be mentioned really could it?

Especially as one of the most worrying parts of her OP is "and if he wants to move out he can collect his belongings"

He isnt living in a car outside of StateOfConfusions House by any chance is he?

What he has done is unacceptable, My eldest is 15 and never had to experience anything like that (yet). I dont blame You for kicking him out, Maybe he needs to stand on his own two feet to realise what he has done. I feel for You OP.

Good!

Well done.How dare he? Dont back down now,I had to throw one of mine out when he was 18 as he was continuously stealing from us. It was the best thing i ever did for him.
He obviously gets his attitude from his Dad.
I have to say if one of mine had pushed me over my ex would have gone mental and backed me all the way.

I know the past threads couldn't not be mentioned but I think that the OP needs to be backed up on this - she has made a decision now we should encourage her to not let him back in the house and give her the support she needs rather than dredge up what happened before and then she might just NOT take him back.

redlac based on past threads, she will take him back. And we all know it. So of course we're trying to get her to see the repeating pattern. By bringing up past acts, we are being supportive.

She needs 'tough love'. Just like her son.

Well...good on you frankly.
How dare he?!

Yes - tell daddikins that they're on their way over and wish him well.

Op, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but man up a bit. You know you are in the right, anyone with half a brain knows you are in the right, don't let yourself be made a door mat by other opinions from family. I echo everyone on this thread, bag up his stuff and be shot of him, there is no excusing violence. I can tell you now, if this was either of my boys, the door would be hitting them on the way out. I love them to pieces but I wouldn't be disrespected in such a manner, in my own home.

Neither would I.
Outrageous behaviour.