Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have chucked my son and his girlfriend out?

194 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 13/04/2012 11:17

Things came to a head last night and I ended up telling them both to get out of my house.

(They are both 18)

So first thing this morning his dad phoned me to 'tell me' how unreasonable I was and that I was the grownup and should just 'suck it up' . According to him 18 year olds can be tempermental and fiesty

I feel angry, confused and annoyed and also sad because I never thought I'd ever have to say to one of my children 'get out, leave'

Apparently he (DS1) wants to come round and pick up his stuff this afternoon.

I've suggested it might be better if he stays away from the house for today and tomorrow then he can come round on Sunday afternoon (without his girlfriend) and if he wants to move out he can collect his belongings.

He physically pushed me over because I went into the livingroom (about midnight) when he was playing his xbox on some sort of important battle and I wasn't allowed in

He then dragged me out of livingroom

I blew my top with him

OP posts:
lifechanger · 13/04/2012 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumblinalong · 13/04/2012 17:42

I knew it would be you creamola.

I honestly think those of you who are posting snidey remarks about the fact it could be OP's fault need to go back and read her threads from the past few months. She does not sound like a manipulative person who is difficult to live with. She sounds like she has been bending over backwards to accomodate her much loved but cheeky pisstaking son.

Your responses could enable and encourage OP to back down and let her son and his horrible gf rule the roost as they have been doing for months Angry Your points about the OP possibly being at fault because the rest of the family are emotionally blackmailing her will set in motion the doubts that she has done the right thing.

OP - YA def NBU. Do not back down.

ivykaty44 · 13/04/2012 17:44

Op
I hope you cook yourself a lovely meal tonight - buy your self a bottle of wine and sit and relax and enjoy the peace and tranquility

namechangingagain · 13/04/2012 17:51

Dont cave, we are all rooting for you, of course the GF is crying on the floor, they are losing their free love nest and their skivvy, as well as a cash point.

Good for you.

Let someone else put them up the way you have.

Violence against your mother is not acceptable never mind their other behaviour.

ratspeaker · 13/04/2012 17:53

YANBU

Your son is not on the streets sleeping on a park bench
The gf the same
The gf mum is obviously firmer than you in that she is not allowing your son to live there.
Your son, his gf and your ex and by the sound of it the relatives are used to you rolling over and doing what they want
A line has been crossed
Do not let them manipulate you
Do not justify yourself to the relatives or your ex, dont enter a discussion
Your son's behaviour was unacceptable end of

Change your locks, get a better chain

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/04/2012 18:00

Oh Creamola I am so HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY for you!!!

I know that seems wildly inappropriate, given that you're probably really upset, but those two have been abusing your kindness and your home for so long that I can only see this as a step forward. I really thought you'd let them walk over you forever.

And as for whatever your son's dad says to you - well, there's a reason he's your ex, isn't there? I expect he'll change his tune soon enough, once he experiences the full joy of his son's domestic behaviour. Ditto to the rest of the suckers your son has bleated to over the phone.

This is also a positive for your son. He had it too easy from you, which was bound to end in him having unrealistic expectations for his future - you gave him so much on a plate, that is not how children become adults. He will now have to face that actions have consequences and that he must get his finger to make his way in the world. He won't like it now (as can be seen from his mewling to family) but it could be the making of him.

STAY STRONG. Do not allow him back, it is his dad's turn now. You have shouldered other people's responsibilities for long enough. It is now time for your son, his girfriend, his girlfriend's mother, and his father to stop sucking you dry and get on with it for themselves.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY for you!!

skybluepearl · 13/04/2012 18:59

Well done Cream. If he says anything just tell him that you love him but his behaviour is totally unacceptable and will not be tollerated.

Do the realtives think his behaviour is acceptable? What awful people. Or has your son not told them the extent of his violent behaviour? Maybe they want you to be responsible for him so they don't have to be. Just a passing thought.

CarnivorousPanda · 13/04/2012 19:01

I would get the locks changed asap. Secure the house, then you can relax. He can be someone elses problem now.

FoofyShmooffer · 13/04/2012 19:02

Creamola - stick to your guns. It might not feel like it now but you've done the right thing. Yanbu.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 13/04/2012 19:06

Just wanted to say thank you.

I really have appreciated peoples comments.

The gf has removed all her stuff (except the bed which has been dismantled and is propped up againest the wall)

DS1 has phoned and apologised which makes me feel a little bit better. It's such a horrible feeling to dislike your own child

His dad has also phoned to say that DS1 told him what happened and apologised for jumping to conculsions this morning.

DS1 will stay with his dad.

DS1 and his girlfriend have sort of fallen out.

It all got a bit heated when they came to collect their stuff and I did end up shouting at the girlfriend after all the melodramatic sobbing, which I do feel bad about as she is quite sensitive. It was nothing major I just told her I thought she was acting like a spoilt brat

Thank you again for helping me put some perspective on it all , it's been a shitty day

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 13/04/2012 19:09

Woo hoo creamola!

LaurieFairyCake · 13/04/2012 19:10

{{{{{hugs}}}}} to you

I can honestly say if you're daft enough to have them come back I am personally going to come round and slap you with a wet fish.

I have never have less sympathy for anyone on the internet than those two.

It's your house - keep them OUT from now on.

Well done for going through with it Smile

victorialucas · 13/04/2012 19:11

domestic abuse isn't just between partners

roundtable · 13/04/2012 19:16

Well done, hopefully your son has learnt a valuable lesson.

Try not to beat yourself up about the situation, now think about how things can improve. :)

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/04/2012 19:17

"I did end up shouting at the girlfriend after all the melodramatic sobbing, which I do feel bad about as she is quite sensitive."
Sensitive? Sensitive? My arse!! Sensitive people do not behave as she has!

I second the suggestion that you change your locks.

I also second slapping you with a wet fish if you let either of them come back Wink.

RabidAnchovy · 13/04/2012 19:28

He pushed you over and then dragged you out of the room so he could play Xbox Shock is he on drugs?

If he were my son he would be out of my house and his Xbox would be in 100 bits bouncing behind him.
YANBU

AgentProvocateur · 13/04/2012 19:44

Well done, Cremola. I hoped this would be you. You've done the right thing, but I bet you miss them. Be strong though.

Also, you might like to know that your "fud" thread is my all-time. It never fails to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day, so thanks for that.

AgentProvocateur · 13/04/2012 19:44

All time favourite

redlac · 13/04/2012 19:46

Me too agent I burst out laughing just thinking about that thread :)

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 13/04/2012 19:46

I don't think wet fish will be needed. Grin

It was almost like being struck by lightening when he pushed me over then dragged me out the livingroom. Something inside me just snapped

I know people here think I have been too soft on him and his gf and I propably have in the past ....it's changed now

I don't want to end up not liking him , he is my son

The good things that have come out of this is that I found my voice with him and have been able to tell him where i think he is going wrong in life.

I didn't realise how much had been unsaid until I started to say it. Alot to do with his attitude , not just towards me but life in general.

he is at college on a course which takes him automatically on to the 2nd year of University (Edinburgh) but doesn't care. He is living like a vampire not getting up out his bed until 5pm some days then staying awake until 4am

I am learning to let go....it's hard but as others have said he is 18 he is an adult (sort off)

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 13/04/2012 19:52

He IS an adult.

And he doesn't seem to have a tremendous amount of respect for you whatever you do.

Let him live with another relative - he'll soon be back when they aren't a pushover.

And don't let the gf move back in either.

Secrecy · 13/04/2012 20:00

Yet another one who knew - and really hoped!! - that it would be you! Well done and stick with it because you are really, really doing the right thing! X

marriedinwhite · 13/04/2012 20:05

Good Luck. Treat yourself if you can. This may be his making point and so glad you haven't let him break you.

ratspeaker · 13/04/2012 21:29

It all got a bit heated when they came to collect their stuff and I did end up shouting at the girlfriend after all the melodramatic sobbing, which I do feel bad about as she is quite sensitive. It was nothing major I just told her I thought she was acting like a spoilt brat
I read this and thought good grief woman!
Stop NOW

She has behaved like a spoilt brat.
If she's that sensitive why wasn't she taking account of YOUR feelings all this time

You have to admit the pair of them have been spoilt. Sadly you are to blame as well in this. Part of being a parent is having bounderies and consequences if they are overstepped

Stay firm now.
He has to learn to respect you
Of course you will love him, he IS your son
but it's like toddler tantrums, you love THEM but don't like their BEHAVIOUR

harassedandherbug · 13/04/2012 21:50

creamola I've read your threads before but not commented.

I'm sorry it's come to this but I think it was inevitable. My ds2 was violent to me and on one occasion I had to call the police. I normally called my xh and we dealt with it, but he's a firefighter and was on a shout on this occasion. Four policemen charging into the house and being read the riot act really helped. I've also thrown him out too, and he lived with his dad for a while.

Ds2 was younger than your son when this happened, but now he's just turned 21 and is just lovely. I fully believe if I'd not been firm then he wouldn't be the person he is today.