AIBU to have chucked my son and his girlfriend out?

[CreamolaFoamless]

Things came to a head last night and I ended up telling them both to get out of my house.

(They are both 18)

So first thing this morning his dad phoned me to 'tell me' how unreasonable I was and that I was the grownup and should just 'suck it up' . According to him 18 year olds can be tempermental and fiesty

I feel angry, confused and annoyed and also sad because I never thought I'd ever have to say to one of my children 'get out, leave'

Apparently he (DS1) wants to come round and pick up his stuff this afternoon.

I've suggested it might be better if he stays away from the house for today and tomorrow then he can come round on Sunday afternoon (without his girlfriend) and if he wants to move out he can collect his belongings.

He physically pushed me over because I went into the livingroom (about midnight) when he was playing his xbox on some sort of important battle and I wasn't allowed in

He then dragged me out of livingroom

I blew my top with him

Omg!

OP you said you contacted the police (I think), have they been in touch yet?

I hate the "Oh it's AIBU so I don't need to hold back in my responses, if you post on AIBU you're asking for it" mentality. There's never justification for violence towards another person, especially over a bloody X box game. I wonder sometimes, I really do.

Just out of interest, OP, do you pay his phone bill? If so, stop it now.

Ha ha bruxeur!

Sorry that you didn't understand what I was saying.

Perhaps it is an infection making me completely incomprehensible...

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum .......are you my ex husband

Creamola I hope you are OK.

Of course the gf is in tears - her mum has said your ds can't stay at hers. And quite rightly so.

Both of them have a great deal of growing up to do. Your ds at his dad's until such time he realises he was better off at home and is allowed to return within clearly defined boundaries and never again with a girlfriend. If he wants his girlfriend to live with him, he needs a stable job and income and they both need to fund a flat together.

He has overstepped the biggest line and needs to learn some very hard lessons. Stay strong and let him learn them otherwise you will be taking him back in a few years time when the girlfriend has thrown him out for hitting her.

He many have learnt abusive behaviour from his father in which case one of the conditions of his return should be obtaining and attending anger management counselling.

No, Creamola I am not your ex.

But now that you mention it, why is it do you think that your ex and all these other relations are ringing you telling you you are in the wrong somehow?

Do you know why they are saying this to you?

Regardless of how hospitable (and perhaps overly-tolerant) you might have been in the past, your son's violence more than justifies your decision to ask him to leave. If the rest of the family feel he has been so hard done by then perhaps they'd like to accommodate him? For sure, he's lost any right to stay in the comfortable hotel him and his gf have made of your house.

They are phoning Crem

Feckin iPhone

They are phoning Creamola cos he has got round them all first saying woe is me! I'm betting none of them know he had been pushing her about

Hi Op. I have read some of your threads but never really posted as other posters all covered what i would have said.

I just want to say WELL DONE! When i saw the title i so hoped it was you. I have often wondered how you are and when you would reach your limit of your son and his gf's outrageous behaviour. I am sorry it came to this but glad something has made you stand up for yourself.

You really do have to be 'cruel to be kind' here. He/they need to learn a massive lesson and very fast. Do not go back on your word and ensure he uderstands the seriousness of the situation.

Do not let other people minimise his behaviour because it makes life easier for them.

Good luck.

Looks like Creamola has found that backbone

Well done, my love, most of us are right behind you x

RaPaPa - maybe her relatives are only hearing one side/unaware of the family dynamic?

Pretty much what you said yourself really

Creamola - I knew it was you too! I've read some of your threads.

I hope your son is thoroughly ashamed of himself. If not today then in the not too distant future.

I wonder why the gf's Mum didn't want them both? ...

I've no read any of yr previous posts.
He pushed you IN YOUR OWN HOME.
He's an adult.
He could find somewhere else to go - somewhere to rent if no-one else will have him live with them. This will do him good. It will definitely do you good.
You don't need to be his punchbag or his skivy or anything else: he's a grown man who needs to take responsibility for himself. It isn't healthy to teach him that he can bully someone just because they love him.
If you or anyone else belives that it's "your own fault" (why would you???)then better still that you tell him to leave: let him make his own way and be independent and escape your "terrible ways" that means he feels like he's justified in hitting you.

He's been going round yr relatives with one (likely inaccurate) version of events looking for sympathy and a place to stay. Let someone else take him in if they feel you've been so dreadful to him; they'll find out the truth soon enough, but won't have the maternal-guilt you do and will therefore not put up with it.
And in the meantime if anyone criticises then tell them exactly what happened, then walk away.

X-box should be destroyed along with Facebook. Causes too much trouble. Why isn't there a real life room 101? I'm sorry you are having to experience this from your own flesh and blood. YANBU

Sigh...

Yes, but I was interested to hear Creamola's take on it.

Look I get that only unmitigated support is wanted here. Not awkward questions.

And it's obvious that all of you disagree with me or don't get what I am trying to say.

Obviously I need to reflect on this [AIBU jury has spoken!]

So here's me fucking off now.

Creamola, I also read some of your other posts and I'm so pleased you've to them to leave. They need to learn to treat people with respect or this is how they'll behave in their life and it won't do them any favours. WELL DONE and stay strong!

But RaPa there is no case for saying that Creamola was unreasonable to chuck her son out after he pushed her around.

Unless you think she was lyiing about that.

She asked if she was unreasonable to throw him out. That's it in a nutshell.

The ins and outs and back story are pretty much irrelevant following him laying hands on her.

Hooray cremola well done you.

Now, be strong and don't take any wheedling and whining and whinging to come back until there is PROOF that he has changed his attitude and a substantial time has elapsed. And even then, don't!

If she was overbearing or annoying or enraged her DS is some way then he should have done what 18 year olds have done since time immemorial and got his own place. Not pushed her over and dragged her out of her own living room.

I havent read all the posts but just wanted to add that his Dad and relatives are saying your in the wrong as they dont want him at their house or have to deal with him.