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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have chucked my son and his girlfriend out?

194 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 13/04/2012 11:17

Things came to a head last night and I ended up telling them both to get out of my house.

(They are both 18)

So first thing this morning his dad phoned me to 'tell me' how unreasonable I was and that I was the grownup and should just 'suck it up' . According to him 18 year olds can be tempermental and fiesty

I feel angry, confused and annoyed and also sad because I never thought I'd ever have to say to one of my children 'get out, leave'

Apparently he (DS1) wants to come round and pick up his stuff this afternoon.

I've suggested it might be better if he stays away from the house for today and tomorrow then he can come round on Sunday afternoon (without his girlfriend) and if he wants to move out he can collect his belongings.

He physically pushed me over because I went into the livingroom (about midnight) when he was playing his xbox on some sort of important battle and I wasn't allowed in

He then dragged me out of livingroom

I blew my top with him

OP posts:
redlac · 13/04/2012 12:08

She hasn't been shoved over and pushed out of her own living room before - this is a different situation. Tough love yes, being called a drip and being told to get a spine is not tough love

JustHecate · 13/04/2012 12:09

It's about bloody time. They have been walking all over you for bloody AGES and you have been lying face down with Welcome painted on your back. So now they think they have the right to walk all over you. This must have been a terrific shock to them. They no doubt thought you'd take it forever.

I know you feel like being a mum means being soft, because you've said as much on previous threads, but if you don't STAND UP FOR YOURSELF now, draw a line in the sand, say this is IT. Enough - they will come back and carry on.

Although, I know you will take them back. I've read enough of your threads about them to know that you will take them back. You've got a heart as big as a bucket. You're so sweet and kind and forgiving. - but people take advantage of people as kind as you. They do. It does NOT make you a horrible person if you put your foot down. You can put your foot down and still be the kind and loving person you are.

But please - regain some control. Make sure there are rules and a proper contribution from them and they don't carry on walking all over you.

If you don't - you will end up really resenting your son and that will damage your relationship far more than this taking a stand can ever do.

LtEveDallas · 13/04/2012 12:10

Another one that is glad he is gone OP.

If your Ex / family think you are being unreasonable then I'm sure they could put him up...and I wonder how long it would take them to kick him out too? Do they know he was violent towards you?

OP he has crossed the line into violence. Physically pushing / pulling you out of the room in YOUR OWN HOME is violent and abusive - if you let him get away with this then it will get worse. If you stick to your guns this time your son will learn a valuable lesson, and hopefully turn into a decent young man, rather than someone who uses force to get his own way.

Please be strong OP. Please don't back down. Ask your ex to take him if you are worried about him, but dont let him back in your home now.

VictorGollancz · 13/04/2012 12:12

OP, if you're going to find it really difficult, why not tell yourself (and only yourself) that the 'kicking-out' can come to an end in three months? If you hate it, he can come back (I guarantee you that you won't hate it).

You say your relatives have been straight on the phone telling you off - well, they clearly deserve to know what it's like to live with your son.

I'd have him arrested for assault, personally. How dare he lay a finger on you?

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 13/04/2012 12:12

I'm glad his dad and relatives feel so sorry for then, tgat means they will have lots of offers of places to stay.

pictish · 13/04/2012 12:14

You will end up being abused at the hands of your own son, if you allow this to continue. He has abused you already.

This does not have to be your life. No-one expects that of you. It is an intolerable situation. He should not return to your home.

ClaireFromWork · 13/04/2012 12:14

The kind and most maternal thing you can do is refuse to have them back because that way you are teaching him that this behaviour is totally out of order. If you don't then your son's behaviour will get worse and he'll end up in all manner of trouble. If you let him back you are failing him miserably IMO.

GrahamTribe · 13/04/2012 12:18

It's all been said already so I can only support those who say that you should press charges and tell this man's father to take him in if he's so bloody sure your son's not in the wrong because you won't have him in your house again.

None of us want you to be back on here in a month's time saying that you took him back in and now he's been violent to you again. Do you think you deserve to have that happen?

Ephiny · 13/04/2012 12:18

Of course you're not unreasonable, that's an appalling way for an adult man to behave towards his mother. Yes young people can be 'temperamental' but there's no excuse for violence.

As for 'you're the grown-up' - if your son is 18, he's a 'grown up' too! You are not being cruel, he's not a child, and he has other relatives who can take him in if they choose.

roundtable · 13/04/2012 12:28

Thank goodness op, about time too.

Don't back down, enough's enough.

Good luck.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 13/04/2012 12:30

They have arrived to pick up some stuff!

I had the chain on the door so I'm not quite sure how they managed to get in.

I was on the phone with his dad as he walked in so have now passed the phone on to him

OP posts:
redlac · 13/04/2012 12:31

stay strong
don't let them stay
don't listen to his dad telling you that YOU are in the wrong

FallenCaryatid · 13/04/2012 12:33

Check how they got in and sort out the problem. Otherwise you are still vulnerable in your own home.
Where are they both staying at the moment?

DesperatelySeekingBunnies · 13/04/2012 12:33

You're son is 18. He seems to have a lot of people on his side. He'll be fine and you know, his dad understands teenagers so he'll be ok to have these 2 freeloading wastes of space live with him.

Your son has direspected you repeatedly and has no stooped so low to more or less assault you, in your own home over a fucking computer game. Please don't let them back in, ever.

fridgeraiders · 13/04/2012 12:34

BTW, i have two sons and would throw them out in your situation. It would break my heart but I know it would be the right thing to do for all of us. Nobody said you had to be ok with it, you are allowed to be upset, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

picnicbasketcase · 13/04/2012 12:36

I've read your other threads about this situation and quite frankly I'm surprised it's taken this long. Do not put up with this shit anymore. They are walking all over you. Stick to what you've said this time, PLEASE.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 13/04/2012 12:36

Her mother has turned up and waiting outside for them to dissassembel their double bed and put it in her car!!!!!!!!!!!!! (It is the girlfriends bed but holy moly 12 hours on from an argument and she is demanding they come and get the bed!)

Strange people

OP posts:
StellaAndFries · 13/04/2012 12:36

Your son is an adult and should learn to behave like one and expect the consequences of one! If he had pushed a stranger about it would have been assault, I think being kicked out of the house is more than justly deserved.

JustHecate · 13/04/2012 12:38

re chain - some chains you can just undo from outside. Hmm ours is useless, you can slip your hand through the gap and slide it off.

Get a new chain.

And it really is for the best that they move out. You must know that?

DesperatelySeekingBunnies · 13/04/2012 12:38

Great. they can move in with her parents. Problem solved. Smile

fridgeraiders · 13/04/2012 12:39

GF's mother is doing you a favour, still sounds like you are holding back a little. They are going, they need to take their bed with them.

SilentSinger · 13/04/2012 12:40

Having just read this thread YAsoooNBU, as everyone else has said at 18 he needs to take responsibility for his actions. He basically assaulted you in your own home and now he has to deal with the consequences. He won't learn anything from this if you are prepared to let him back in. Make sure that when they have left you arrange to change the locks. He doesn't seem to have any respect for you and its time he learnt some.

FallenCaryatid · 13/04/2012 12:43

This is the same GF's mother who threw her out in the first place months ago, and she moved in with you. You all sound very odd TBH, but it will probably do your son some good to be in a house with a woman who is prepared to turf them out as soon as their behaviour becomes unacceptable.

OddBoots · 13/04/2012 12:44

This is a good thing, right, they are moving in with her mother?

redlac · 13/04/2012 12:47

I've got a feeling the gf's mother is just there for the bed!

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