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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have chucked my son and his girlfriend out?

194 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 13/04/2012 11:17

Things came to a head last night and I ended up telling them both to get out of my house.

(They are both 18)

So first thing this morning his dad phoned me to 'tell me' how unreasonable I was and that I was the grownup and should just 'suck it up' . According to him 18 year olds can be tempermental and fiesty

I feel angry, confused and annoyed and also sad because I never thought I'd ever have to say to one of my children 'get out, leave'

Apparently he (DS1) wants to come round and pick up his stuff this afternoon.

I've suggested it might be better if he stays away from the house for today and tomorrow then he can come round on Sunday afternoon (without his girlfriend) and if he wants to move out he can collect his belongings.

He physically pushed me over because I went into the livingroom (about midnight) when he was playing his xbox on some sort of important battle and I wasn't allowed in

He then dragged me out of livingroom

I blew my top with him

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/04/2012 12:54

yanbu

now keep them out, the pair of freeoading, aggressive, pisstaking users

no child of mine would push me around, and expect to stay under my roof

they won't end up on the streets, it seems lots of people are just begging that they go park themselves at their house

see how they like it

in a few weeks, you will start getting the "I don't know how you put up with it for so long" calls

and you will be able to say "I told you so, good luck with that"

Whatmeworry · 13/04/2012 12:59

Good on you.

noblegiraffe · 13/04/2012 13:07

I expect if your DS contacted all the aunties and uncles, he didn't mention the physical violence. You are totally in the right and well done for contacting the police.

Likesshinythings · 13/04/2012 13:12

OP the family members that are giving you a hard time are only doing it because they are looking out for themselves. They are terrified that if they can't bully you into putting up with your DS, then they may have to step up and do something.

Chilenachica · 13/04/2012 13:13

I haven't read your threads before this, newbie, but just from this one I can see there is a huge problem.

Your son is 18, so legally if not emotionally an adult. He physically pushed you over and then, when you didn't do as you were told, he physically removed you from the room. And you need to ask if you are BU.

Pack up his things, leave them outside for him to collect. It may be the hardest thing to do as a mother, but if you don't he will continue to abuse you. You are worth more than that.

Groovee · 13/04/2012 13:16

Don't allow them back. He's assaulted you because he's a spoiled brat who thinks it's his right to move his girlfriend in.

Maryz · 13/04/2012 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rhibutterfly · 13/04/2012 13:26

what an inconsiderate pair, there is no excuse for being physically abused in your own home, and it is your living room, the cheek of himShock

5Foot5 · 13/04/2012 13:30

I have been following your plight on this forum for a while and this is the most positive step so far. Well done!

Could I request though, that if there are any more episodes that warrant a new thread, that you make it clear in the title that it is you so that noone misses the latest instalment e.g.include "(another Creamola thread)" or some-such in the title.

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 13/04/2012 13:35

I actually don't see you entirely as the victim in this situation...

I read this post [and your previous] and found myself wondering why is this woman in this situation, what keeps her there, what is her pay-off?

And I wonder if you might just enjoy the drama and being cast in the role of put upon martyr.

Is it possible that Creamola's son is not as awful as he is being painted here but just terribly confused and frustrated at the mixed messages he is getting from his mother - "if he wants to move out" being one of them.

No excuse for his pushing her but I suspect that Creamola is quite needy of her son and the role she plays in his life. She perhaps does not really want him to move out as she is as dependent on him as he seems to be on her...

And if she is emotionally needy she is probably intrusive and hence his having to push and pull her to get her to leave him alone...

Just saying this may be a possibility, which if true means Creamola is not being honest either with us or herself.

redlac · 13/04/2012 13:42

"probably intrusive and hence having to pushing and pull her to get her to leave him alone"

really?

FFS its his MUM, its HER house and HER money who is allowing him to sit on his arse playing a fucking game!

words fail me at that sentance

TandB · 13/04/2012 13:45

"And if she is emotionally needy she is probably intrusive and hence his having to push and pull her to get her to leave him alone..."

Yes. Some women just need a good slap from a man to get them to learn their place.

FFS.

Ephiny · 13/04/2012 13:46

He had to push her to the floor, then physically drag her out of the room? Her own living room, in her own house?

No way. I don't care how confused or frustrated he was, or how 'intrusive' the OP is or how many 'mixed messages' she was giving. There's no excuse for a grown man behaving like that to anyone, certainly not his own mother! He is 100% responsible for his own behaviour.

If he finds living with his mum unbearable (and quite possibly he does) the answer is to move out, not to resort to violence.

Becaroooo · 13/04/2012 13:49

OK....

If you are so unreasonable and your son and his girlfriend are so great then let them live with yoru ex or his aunts and uncles - who all think he is great and you are being cruel.

Lets see how that works out shall we?

They have treated you like dirt for far too long and you have let them.

Time to move on...for all of you.

Maryz · 13/04/2012 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redlac · 13/04/2012 13:51
RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 13/04/2012 13:52

Well redlac I did say there was not an excuse for the pushing but if someone is right in your face and won't stop is it possible that Creamola's son became so wound up he just cracked?

I am not saying that physical violence is acceptable and Creamola is right to put a stop to it and ask that he move out.

However I noted the ambivalence in her post [and previous] and wondered what that was all about.

Also there is always two sides to every story and I was trying to imagine what might have caused Creamola's son to get so agitated that he became physical with her.

I don't buy this son bad egg, Creamola saintly mother story being presented, sorry.

ivykaty44 · 13/04/2012 13:54

So the rest of the family are ringing up telling you haow you shouldn't have kicked your ds out of the house...well of course they are all really worried, what happens if the ds and his gf want to stay with them? They don't want him to stay so the best thing to do is try to tell you your being silly so they are not put in that position.

Maryz · 13/04/2012 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 13/04/2012 14:03

But how do you know any of this about Creamola and her son Maryz?

That was your experience and you are projecting that onto the situation here.

I am just saying there is bound to be more to it than we are hearing from Creamola.

And I don't feel it's helpful in the longterm for us all to be saying how awful her son is [although he might be I don't really know of course!] and how terrible it is for Creamola to be in this situation [as if it is something being done to her by her violent, selfish bad egg of a son].

I feel that Creamola needs to have a good clear look at the situation and her role in all of this. It might be possible that she [and her son] need some family therapy to really work through their issues and that some professional assistance will be of more use than all the "amateur psychology" she is receiving here from anonymous posters on a website that don't really know or understand her situation.

ledkr · 13/04/2012 14:12

Do you also think that dv victims should look at theri role in it all and seek some cople counselling?
He is 18,his mother has put up with his crap for so long as she loves him and knew the family would be on her case.
He has now escalated things to violence so op hjas no choice but to show him this is unacceptable or he will go through life thinking any woman who doesnt let him do exactly as he wishes should just be intimidated or hurt so he can get his own way.
Op hasnt kicked son onto the streets he seems to have plenty of close family to support him including a father who knows it all.

ledkr · 13/04/2012 14:12

couple not cople of course Grin

Maryz · 13/04/2012 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrbojangles1 · 13/04/2012 14:19

my2centsis of course the dad would pone o say how shocking this is and how the op is out of order as he is not the one who has had to put up ith their shot

I surspect after he has a couple of months with these two he will change his tune

Op build bridges with your son tell hime that he ALONE can come back on condition that he follows x,y and z rules tell him the offer stands and is good for as long as nessarily

Ladies let this be warning children who have no job and that have o means to support themselves are not ready to play house all that happens is you end up looking after somnolence else's teen instead of just your own

Maryz · 13/04/2012 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.