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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want DP to go away for 10 days

250 replies

verew · 12/04/2012 22:44

DP's sister lives in Dubai, she has invited him to stay with her, she's even prepared to pay for his flights. Its only him that has been invitedand we don't get on nor does she take any particular interest in the dcs. DP wants to go but I don't want him to as I don't want to be alone with the kids and I don't want it to appear to me or the kids that he is going on holiday as it very unlikely we will be going on holiday for financial reasons.

OP posts:
faeriefruitcake · 12/04/2012 22:48

Let him go, she's his sister.

Mrsjay · 12/04/2012 22:48

do you live together as a family ? if you do id be pissed off tbh if my husband went on holiday to dubai without us , however if you dont live together maybe his sister just sees you as his girlfriend and not familiy , still not right and i would still be annoyed ,

Original poster
verew · 12/04/2012 22:49

We live together

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/04/2012 22:52

MrsJay is right - it does depend on whether you live together. I would be annoyed, but tbh it sounds as though he's going anyway.

aquashiv · 12/04/2012 22:53

How old are you children and how many would you be left looking after alone?
I guess its only ten days but I would have the hump if he was off having a great old time whilst I was left at home esp if there was no family holiday on the horizon bit on unfair all round. Why cant you all go?

wineandroses · 12/04/2012 22:54

Do you want to go? If so, get DP to ask his sister to widen the invitation. If you don't want to go because you don't like her, then it's a bit unfair that your DP won't get to see her. Perhaps he could go for a shorter visit - e.g. 4 days?

Casmama · 12/04/2012 22:54

Are the children his? If so I think it would be outrageous for him to go for such a long time when his children are not getting a holiday.

Original poster
verew · 12/04/2012 22:57

The children are his. We can't go because we've not been invited and she would pay for his flights so we can't really ask her to pay for us as well and frankly I don't really like her anyway.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 12/04/2012 22:59

ok so you dont like her which is fair enough but she gets on well with her brother it would be unfair for him not to see her i think wines idea of a shorter visit or save up and you can all go next year and stay in a hotel ,

Mrsjay · 12/04/2012 23:01

and imo she is being a bit of a bitch not inviting all of you the children could go and see their auntie and you stay home , I think he is going to go though you cant really stop him,

DinahMoHum · 12/04/2012 23:03

id be ok with it, can he take any of the children?

Winkly · 12/04/2012 23:10

10 days is a long time so YANBU about that but it isn't costing anything and it's nice that he gets on with his sister AND you really wouldn't enjoy going, by the sounds of things, so it would be mean and petty to try to stop him going to see his sister just because he's getting a holiday and you're not.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 12/04/2012 23:16

YABU to not want him to go because you will be alone with the dc, but YANBU to not want him to go. He shouldn't get an all expenses paid holiday if the rest of you don't get a holiday, that's unfair. He should get to see his sister, but there is no reason for that to take 10 days. He could go for 5, Dubai isn't that far away. I would be annoyed that he wanted to use up 10 days worth of holiday from work more than anything, because he shudo be prioritising his time off work for you and his dc.

DinahMoHum · 12/04/2012 23:20

can you get away without him or the children sometime?

Pinkflipflop · 12/04/2012 23:24

YADDDNBU! Either you go as a family or you don't go at all! I would be livid if my SIL invited DH and not me to go visit her if she lived in Dubai. It's really weird to invite husband but not wife, but what is weirder is if he goes without you, particularly as your family won't be getting a holiday this year.

BackforGood · 12/04/2012 23:26

What Winkly said (unless you are going to drip feed that you have 9 month old quads or something that would be a bit tricky to look after on your own Wink)

Jinsei · 13/04/2012 01:06

I think yabu. SIL has offered to pay for your DH. She probably can't afford to pay for all, but I'm sure the invitation would extend to all if you could afford it, and if you actually wanted to go. It doesn't sound like you do.

Personally, I think it would be really mean to deny DH this opportunity. Surely you can cope on your own for ten days? How old are your children?

savoycabbage · 13/04/2012 01:10

I think YABU as you don't want to go anyway as you don't like her.

My DH went to the World Cup and left me with the dc but I didn't want to go so it would have been ridiculous for him not to go as well.

startail · 13/04/2012 01:12

10 days is too long, apart from the being away it's a large chunk of holiday allowance I'd expect DH to spend with me and our DDs.

Apart from being furiously jealous at not getting to somewhere with outdoor pools and warm sea.

RobynLou · 13/04/2012 01:15

as others have said, it would be the using up of holiday allowance that would annoy me. Those days are precious. Does it have to be 10 days? why not 4/5?

FuckedOfftotheFarSideofFuck · 13/04/2012 01:40

I came on all ready to say YABU but no, I don't think you are being unreasonable not to want him to go off on holiday when you won't get one.

Yes, it'd be nice for him to see his sister and I guess she probably would love to show him 'round where she's living now but it's a lot of holiday time to use up. hmm...kind of heading towards sitting on the fence now.

Could you arrange to save up and go together and stay in a hotel, maybe next year (assuming it would take a while to save).

Or, could he go and you take those days as holiday and head off somewhere with the kids?

FuckedOfftotheFarSideofFuck · 13/04/2012 01:42

Yeah, I think I am with Winkly now, on further reflection.

Unless there are particular issues that makes it hard for you to cope with the DCs on your own, I reckon make the most of it and try to enjoy the time he is away so you won't be jealous of him getting the warm sun.

kesha · 13/04/2012 01:43

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topshelfrita · 13/04/2012 01:44

Hmmm. Must admit I'd be suspicious of his sister's motives, seeing as there's no love lost between you. She doesn't sound very nice, TBH, giving him a free holiday but not the resot of his family!

FuckedOfftotheFarSideofFuck · 13/04/2012 01:44

Kesha I have reported your post.