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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want DP to go away for 10 days

250 replies

verew · 12/04/2012 22:44

DP's sister lives in Dubai, she has invited him to stay with her, she's even prepared to pay for his flights. Its only him that has been invitedand we don't get on nor does she take any particular interest in the dcs. DP wants to go but I don't want him to as I don't want to be alone with the kids and I don't want it to appear to me or the kids that he is going on holiday as it very unlikely we will be going on holiday for financial reasons.

OP posts:

upahill · 13/04/2012 16:11

But that doesn't make sense destroyed Why would you have to go away at excatly the same time.
That would mean possibly paying for childcare when money is tight.
Wouldn't it be better if one went and the other looked after the kids and later on the other went away with family and/or friends and then the other looked after the kids.

destroyedluggage · 13/04/2012 16:13

I didn't say he'd have to go away at exactly the same time. But if they both went away at the same time then yes, alternative childcare would have to be arranged.

LeQueen · 13/04/2012 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upahill · 13/04/2012 16:16

I get you now destroyed I had to re read your post a couple of times.

Like I said before I'm having a slow day and keep coming back to this thread in way that isn't very healthy!!!

NarkedPuffin · 13/04/2012 16:17

I can't imagine ever choosing to offer a sibling - who is an adult with a partner and DCs - a return plane ticket to come and see me for 10 days. It's rude enough to invite just the sibling over to dinner, excluding his/her family, but a 10 day holiday?!?

Roseformeplease · 13/04/2012 16:20

I have sisters who live overseas and have visited them 3 times alone. Once I had my flight bought but the other times I paid. My husband encouraged me to go, looked after children etc. I would love to pay him back but the opportunity hasn't arisen. Why not be encouraging and then plan something for yourself without the children for a break - either to visit family or friends?

5madthings · 13/04/2012 16:20

i could if i had the money and could afford to say take myself and my sister away on holiday i would offer the opportunity and i am pretty sure her dh would say go for it and happily look after their baby whilst we went away, just as my dp will and does happily look after our children when i go away, as he did last week, oh and in january when i went to visit her also.

Spuddybean · 13/04/2012 16:22

I wouldn't begrudge DP the thought of having a nice time. But what would bother me is him using up his precious holiday entitlement without me and the children.

My DP has a friend in New Zealand but i wont agree to him using up almost all his years allocation to go somewhere without us. (We couldn't afford to all go) And i also get offended that he would rather use his holiday without his family.

upahill · 13/04/2012 16:23

LeQueen OH MY GOD!!!
That is not a healthy relationship.

Ok I know every relationship is different but in my house it goes like this

(comes in from a night out) Hey guess what!! Cath and Annie are going to Spain in September and have asked if I want to go. Cath is going to book the flights on Sunday and I fancy it. Is that OK?

DH Oh are you going to Allicante again? Sounds good. It's not clashing with anything is it?
Me No, I've checked. They won't be doing parents evening that soon so everything is cool.

My mum and dad are the same.
Mum and dad go away
mum and mates
dad and mates.
I remember in the 70's in juniour school dad picking us up every night because mum had her annual holiday with her friend and her SIl. It was fab because dad would make us fish fingers on toast and buy us breakfast cereal that we wouldn't normally be allowed!!! We would also go to a cafe in the week - that was classed as eating out in them days!! Happy times.

Jinsei · 13/04/2012 16:24

Some people make relationships such a chore, don't they?

Spuddybean · 13/04/2012 16:28

I suppose it depends how much your DP's work and how much time off they get. DP commutes (leaves at 7 gets home at 7), works most weekends, travels abroad 30% of time and only gets 20 days annual leave (American company :( )

NarkedPuffin · 13/04/2012 16:28

UpAHill, how about if your DH said 'I'm going away to see my sister. She's paying. You're not invited. We can't afford for you to go anywhere (or the DCs) this year. OK?'

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 16:29

Why would you want to go and see a SIL you actually don't like?

Even worse, why would you accept an offer of her paying?

upahill · 13/04/2012 16:31

If dh's sister who lives in New Zealand said I can pay Dh's air fare I would be over the moon because it would mean it £500 that we wouldn't have to find ourselves.

I know SIL well enough that if she would to invite just DH there is a reason for it.
My main though would be worry and hope that everything was ok.
Seriously.

NarkedPuffin · 13/04/2012 16:31

It's family. You don't have to like them, you just have to get on. After all, when you marry you don't just marry your DH, you marry into his family too - that's what people always say on MIL threads anyway.

destroyedluggage · 13/04/2012 16:33

I can't imagine ever choosing to offer a sibling - who is an adult with a partner and DCs - a return plane ticket to come and see me for 10 days.

I was wondering about that, too, but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she herself doesn't have children and doesn't really realise ten days could be a long time taken out of annual leave allowance/family budget; or maybe she genuinely can't afford to pay for the whole family to come over and this is the only way she could spend some time with her brother. I think it's a generous offer and it's not really her job to sort out logistics in her brother's household on top of everything else.

NarkedPuffin · 13/04/2012 16:33

What if the reason was 'we don't get on nor does she take any particular interest in the dcs'?

LeQueen · 13/04/2012 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upahill · 13/04/2012 16:36

NarkedPuffin Who was that last question directed at?
Was it still asking me about DH's sister?

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 16:36

But if you don't get on with someone and you take no particular interest in your DNs....why would you want to pay god knows how much money to fly them to you?

Apart from that, she might not actually be made of money.

NarkedPuffin · 13/04/2012 16:38

The 'pettiness' comes in when one partner and the DCs are left at home because there's no money, and the 'couple of hundred' spending money could get the children a weeks family holiday camping.

The children come first.

LeQueen · 13/04/2012 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

verew · 13/04/2012 16:39

Sorry I've been away so long, I've been really busy today. I'll try and answer a lot of the questions that have been asked.

We have two children who are 5 and 3, I don't want him to go partly because I don't want to be on my own with the dc but principally because I don't think its fair on either me or the dc. She almost certainly could afford to fly me and the dc out with her but I don't get on with her and she does not seem at all interested in the dc. DP really does want to go as he is close to his sister they do skype twice a week. I hadn't considered his holiday entitlement before but that is another reason why him going could be problematical.

OP posts:

NarkedPuffin · 13/04/2012 16:40

You or anyone else UpAHill.

I think it's unpleasant to only invite the brother when he has a family, particularly when the offer to pay for his ticket would suggest the sister knows they aren't doing well financially.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 16:41

Why don't you want to be alone with your own kids, OP?

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