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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want DP to go away for 10 days

250 replies

verew · 12/04/2012 22:44

DP's sister lives in Dubai, she has invited him to stay with her, she's even prepared to pay for his flights. Its only him that has been invitedand we don't get on nor does she take any particular interest in the dcs. DP wants to go but I don't want him to as I don't want to be alone with the kids and I don't want it to appear to me or the kids that he is going on holiday as it very unlikely we will be going on holiday for financial reasons.

OP posts:

upahill · 14/04/2012 14:13

Malificence
Going hugely off subject for a moment- what did you think of China?
It's on both our wish lists but Japan is a bit higher up IYSWIM!!!

FlangelinaBallerina · 14/04/2012 14:23

Upahill I'm aware that OP's post wasn't just about financial issues. There are two separate sides to this problem, as I see it. I don't have any issue with what people have written about the childcare, there are valid points to be made on both sides wrt to that. Focusing on the thing I do have an issue with is not missing the point, anymore than your posts about the childcare issues have been. Nor is discussing the example you freely gave. In that particular post, you weren't only discussing attitudes to looking after the children, at all. And it comes off as insensitive to chastise someone for not behaving like you did when you were in a much more financially privileged situation.

upahill · 14/04/2012 14:25

Oh well there you go!

Jinsei · 14/04/2012 14:26

upahill, Japan is fantastic. Amazing, wonderful country, amazing, wonderful people. I lived there for a long time and loved it, planning a visit next year.

Have only been to China once, but found that fascinating too. I'd love to go again!

Am about your trip to the himalayas. Went to Nepal a few years ago, and the views were stunning, but didn't really make it up into the mountains. The people were lovely too - one of the nicest places I have visited.

Malificence · 14/04/2012 14:27

China was amazing, we did Beijing ( my least favourite city) , Xian, Shanghai and Chengdu ( to see the Pandas ).
It's hard to pick a favourite "attraction", the Great wall was incredible, as were the Terracotta warriors, as were The Summer palace and Forbidden city in Beijing , Xian is a lovely city and we stayed right next to the city walls.
I think Shanghai was the best overall section, Yu yuan gardens were like a little piece of heaven and strolling along the Bund at night was like being in Manhattan.
The transportation network puts ours to shame, all the airports are brand new and it's very easy to get around.
I would go as soon as possible, China will be unrecognisable within 5 years due to the pace of Westernisation.

Japan is a possible for our joint 50th/30th Anniversary in 3 years time, but we'd also like to do Australia, NZ and Antartica in one hit.
To counter all that culture, we're off to Disneyworld soon for a fortnight , although DD has thrown a spanner in the works by splitting with her Boyfriend who was due to come with us, so she'll now be playing gooseberry and will tut every time we so much as hold hands in public .

upahill · 14/04/2012 14:30

Thanks Malificence and Jensei

I'm going to save that information.
One day we will get there!!!

alistron1 · 14/04/2012 14:33

A few years ago my DP got the chance to go to New Orleans (party central!!) with his younger brother courtesy of their parents. We have 4 kids and at the time the youngest was 4. My response when it was mentioned was 'Hell yes, what a great opportunity'

We didn't go away that year, but he went away, had a great time and brought us back lots of nice presents. I am convinced that he and his younger brother spent their time on Bourbon Street in New Orleans visiting tea shops and museums, not in all the bars, drinking fancy beer, lusting after harley davidsons and throwing beads to girls And they definitely didn't venture into a rodeo bar where cowgirls were serving the drinks. No sir.

And I am pretty sure that if the same opportunity came my way he'd be more than happy for me to go away too.

Jinsei · 14/04/2012 14:38

yy, we went to same places as malificence in China, with the exception of Chengdu - but now have good friends there so will be first on the list next time. :) I loved the terracotta warriors, they were incredible. We also went to Guilin - the scenery around there was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

There are loads of good places to visit in Japan, but partly depends on the time of year as to which places are best. I wouldn't recommend going in June (wet) or July/August (hot & humid)!

seeker · 14/04/2012 14:44

malificence- so you pick 99% of your joint holidays, your dp gets a week more holiday than you do, but you would be hugely upset if he went off on his own in that week? That really really sounds bizarre to me!

upahill · 14/04/2012 14:45

I so want to go to China now.
It has moved up my wish list!!

MadameChinLegs · 14/04/2012 14:50

OP I am glad you have decided to 'let' your DH go. Sil obviously isnt fussed about children (lord knows im not, though of course im very fussed about my own dd).

Please, now you have accepted he is going, dont punish him for it. The time may come where you are offered a great opportunity and he will have to spend a chunk of time at home with the kids.

Im a big believer in freedom within the family and feel that if someone has an opportunity do something great, as long as it doesnt result in debt, then go for it. Would you, given the same chance, have been happy for your DH to prevent you going?

My Dh has been asked to be best man for his best friend who now lives in NZ. It is important for me that he goea, as is to him. We cannot afford to all go, and travelling all that way with a 1 year old in nonsensical, but we will save as much money (as a family) to ensure that he can. We dont take abroad holidays every year but we do go on a £200 self catering holiday every feb for which Dh has just done a few extra shifts at work to pay for. I know if it were the other way around, there would be no doubt that I would go and DH would support and encourage that.

Give and take, OP.

Malificence · 14/04/2012 15:13

Bizarre how? I love planning holidays because I'm a control freak a serial planner , DH just lets me get on with it, as we've been married for 27 years I think I know a bit about what he likes to do/ where he would like to go .
We spent enough time apart when he was in the RAF, probably well over a year in total, that's enough for one lifetime.

Malificence · 14/04/2012 15:18

Letting your husband bugger off to New Zealand , just for a friends wedding is very bizarre to me, something like NZ is usually a once in a lifetime trip and you may never have the means to go as a family .

LeQueen · 14/04/2012 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 14/04/2012 15:57

Bizarre that you would be really upset if he took the extra week's holiday he gets and went off somewhere on his own.

seeker · 14/04/2012 16:00

And because you may never have the means to go to New Zealand as a family none of you should go?

As I said, I must remember to book the rest of the family onto dd's choir trip to Venice!

kilmuir · 14/04/2012 16:02

Good grief op, grow a pair. It's his sister, FAMiLY. You don't get on and she isn't keen on your children so why would you want to go?

Jinsei · 14/04/2012 16:03

I just find it bizarre when people talk about "letting" their adult partners do things independently. I am not my husband's keeper, and he is not mine.

MadameChinLegs · 14/04/2012 17:10

See I dont see it as buggering off to a friends wedding in NZ. He is going to be best man at his oldest and dearest friend's wedding. The same friend who came over from NZ to be BM for him.

NZ may be a once in a lifetime holiday but it's not so high on my list that I would regret never going, so no need for DH to not go just to keep things equal.

alistron1 · 14/04/2012 17:14

Mal, my DP had the chance to go to New Orleans - we are never gonna have that chance as a whole family...why would I have deprived him of such a fab opportunity on that basis?

I'm going to a gig in 'that london' in june, my whole family can't go - should I cancel my ticket and stay at home?

seeker · 14/04/2012 17:14

My dp had a work trip to Japan, and took a week's holiday there as well- too good an opportunity to miss when work were paying for the flights!

Should I have stopped him?

alistron1 · 14/04/2012 17:16

Obviously yes seeker - you can only do nice stuff TOGETHER forever until you both die

alistron1 · 14/04/2012 17:18

Anyway, when DP was away I had a ball - the bed to myself, the laptop to myself, watching shite movies that he would moan through, listening to shite music etc... And the house was never so tidy!! We did miss him a little bit though

MadameChinLegs · 14/04/2012 17:25

I am secretly looking forward to the flat being a bit of a girl zone for a week too!

tearsofrobertsmith · 14/04/2012 17:31

Verew, I do agree it sucks that he will go off on a jaunt when there will be no hols fr his family at home. The only way you are being unreasonable is if you are actually envious of him getting to go to Dubai- I have been twice to visit family and if my father in law offered to pay for my husband to go back out to visit him alone I would be utterly ecstatic! We have spent a fortune going there the last 5 years and I have no desire to return! In my opinion it is not a relaxing place to go on hols with children. My husband went for a week with his brothers to visit fil without us and I was only too thrilled believe me!!

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