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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want DP to go away for 10 days

250 replies

verew · 12/04/2012 22:44

DP's sister lives in Dubai, she has invited him to stay with her, she's even prepared to pay for his flights. Its only him that has been invitedand we don't get on nor does she take any particular interest in the dcs. DP wants to go but I don't want him to as I don't want to be alone with the kids and I don't want it to appear to me or the kids that he is going on holiday as it very unlikely we will be going on holiday for financial reasons.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 12:51

And to those who think 10 days is too long, remember it's roughly an 8hr flight and then there's the time difference/jet lag.

hairylemon · 13/04/2012 12:53

LeQueen Id hazard a small guess that you also have holidays together though?

OP has said its unlikely they will get one because of finances, so this situation is a bit different.

I hope he can see how shitty this must look. But please take the fact that you will be on your own with the kids out of the equation because for me thats a non issue.

justmatureenough2bdad · 13/04/2012 12:53

have you told DP how you feel about it? if you explained how you felt, perhaps he would suggest a compromise?

iwantbrie · 13/04/2012 12:54

YABU. However you feel about her she is his sister. Ask him to bring you & the kids back a nice present & don't make him feel guilty about going.

hairylemon · 13/04/2012 12:55

Ok Worra, but by that reasoning he doesnt need 10 days to visit his sister does he?

Lets call a spade a spade, hes jetting off to Dubai for 10 days where he will spend a bit of time with his sis. Its a holiday.

ENormaSnob · 13/04/2012 12:56

Is dubai an 8 hour flight? Shock I thought it was only 6.

upahill, I have a decent amount of annual leave too but in dhs last job he only had 12 days to take between may and october. The whole company had a week at easter, 2 weeks at christmas and every bank holiday.

LeQueen · 13/04/2012 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upahill · 13/04/2012 12:59

OK OP,
The sister clearly wants to see her brother.
Why not invite her over for 10 days then.
Result? He doesn't go away and she still sees him.

I know you don't like her but you don't want him to go and see her.
She has made a generous offer to pay for his flight. I think that wasn't a bad deal.

It's only 10 days plus a sleepy couple of days out of your whole life.

RosieBooBoo · 13/04/2012 12:59

YABU. You would really begrude him 10 days out of the whole year to spend with his family? Really? If this was your DP on here saying he didnt want you go visit your sister because he didnt like her and he didnt want to be left with the kids he would get a bloody flaming!

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 13:01

Ok Worra, but by that reasoning he doesnt need 10 days to visit his sister does he?

I think 10 days is the sensible choice when you take out the travelling and recovering from jet lag.

That should give him 7 decent days to spend with his sister.

Regarding the 'holiday' thing people are focusing on, it's not his fault she lives in a hot country is it?

hairylemon · 13/04/2012 13:05

I get what you are saying, but I guess it depends on the reasons why you didnt have a family holiday for those couple of years. If it was because of finances and your DH still went on a golfing holiday then I think thats a bit shitty personally.

My DP also is a brill father, works like 2 trojans Wink and puts us first also, which is why if we couldnt afford a family holiday he wouldnt even dream of spending money to go on one on his own.

Maybe Im a bit 'sore'on the subject of holidays, having not had one, not even a bloody weekend away, for 7 years. Ive forgotton what its like to set foot in a different town let alone country

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 13:10

What if he lived down South and his Sister lived up North?

Would the word 'holiday' still be bandied about or would it be a 10 day 'visit' to his sister?

Mumsyblouse · 13/04/2012 13:12

I don't think she can reasonably be expected to pay for you all, you can't pay for yourself and don't want to go anyway, so what's the issue? The only one I can think of is if you have lots of children or they are very young and you can't cope, or that he will use up all his annual leave. If neither of these are true, then I would say to him 'go' and enjoy 10 days peace and quiet in the evenings without DH asking 'where's my socks?'

Yama · 13/04/2012 13:12

I would say YANBU if he works and these 10 days need to come out of his holiday entitlement. Especially if you are not getting a holiday yourself.

I wouldn't do it, neither would dh.

hairylemon · 13/04/2012 13:12

Worra - nothing to do with where it is. Hes having a holiday, that is going to eat into family money when they cant afford a holiday together, away from home/day to day drudge/work etc.

it could be in my back garden and he is still getting 'away from it all' - thats a holiday.

a couple of days is more than enough time to travel, see sis etc, he can take a few days off work afterwards to recover from the massive jet lag of going to a country that is oooooh about 4 hours ahead.

LeQueen · 13/04/2012 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 13:16

It's not a holiday for goodness sake.

And hairy you sound immensely controlling.

A brother and sister want to see each other...the sister is paying to fly her brother out to see her.

That is all.

upahill · 13/04/2012 13:21

For goodness sake it's not 10 days out of his annual leave unless he works 7 days a week and doesn't get a day off!!

namechangingagain · 13/04/2012 13:22

let him go, its the chance of a lifetime

hairylemon · 13/04/2012 13:23

Worra, what insight you have into my personality based on a few posts. Have you thought of touring with that talent?

fedupofnamechanging · 13/04/2012 13:25

It would be about 6 days though, if he used 2 weekends. And I would question whether he is likely to fly back and be ready to go straight back to work the next day.

kitsmummy · 13/04/2012 13:25

Oh of course it's a holiday, it's 10 days in Dubai for goodness sake. They'll hardly be staying in, cooking, cleaning and doing admin like you do when you're at home, not on holiday.

I think YANBU, if his sister lives in Dubai and can pay for his flights, there will clearly be a fair bit of spending money needed out there. They'll go out for dinner, he'll feel obliged to pay for her once or twice etc etc, I bet he'd get through £500 in ten days.

So on the basis that you can't afford a holiday, I'd say he is BU.

If there was plenty of money around, I'd think perhaps it would be fine for him to go (although am a bit Hmm about his sister just inviting him over) but in your circumstances, I'd say it's taking the piss a bit if he does go.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 13:26

Have you thought of touring with that talent?

Yes, just so my DH can start a thread saying he can't cope without me....

Jinsei · 13/04/2012 13:26

It's really interesting to see the limitations that some people put on their partners. DP and I certainly don't have the perfect relationship, but I am so glad that we don't feel the need to restrict each other in this way, or keep count of everything to ensure that it's "fair". I really couldn't live with someone who begrudged me every nice opportunity that came my way - if someone offered my DH a free holiday, I'd be thrilled for him!

SoupDragon · 13/04/2012 13:28

When was the last time he spent any length of time with her?