To ask FIL and BIL not to bring meat to our BBQ...

[37jonsialex]

Ugh, i have a horrible feeling that i'm being ridiculously petty, but here we go...

We're having a family BBQ/ housewarming tomorrow. 8 of us in total (DP's parents, brothers, sisters and various partners) DP's family are all vegetarian, him and his sisters were brought up that way. By coincidence, i've been vegetarian since i was 9 and DS has been brought up as one too.

A few years ago BIL and FIL went over to the...ehem... dark side and started to eat meat again. I have no problem with this at all, their choice and none of us believe that everyone should be vegetarian.

Anyway, DP mentioned this morning that the B/FIL have insisted on bringing their own meat tomorrow. I was a bit shocked to be honest. I've been working really hard to work out a menu, so they weren't expected to provide anything. I'm always willing to except food based gifts, but i think that if you're taking food to someone's house, it should be something that everyone can eat, right? (for example, we're spending easter sunday with a friend that hates raisins, so i'm taking hot cross buns with other things in instead.)

Apart from that, our BBQ is brand new and we're the ones that will have to cook the meat and then clean off the BBQ and the plates...

Reading this back i can see that i sound like a bit of a nutter... but at the same time i think this is such an odd and disrespectful thing to do!

WIBU to ask them to leave the meat at home?

Buy a disposable barbecue and ask them to cook their meat on that, problem solved.

I think you could ask if it means that much to you. If they're determined could you use one of those disposbale BBQs and paper plates for the meat?

Yy to their own BBQ

And what do veggie BBQ's consist of?

Disposable BBQ is your friend.

Get them their own bbq if you are that bothered. I think you're being a bit petty, but it's up to you.

Jesus! They should no fucking way put meat on your bbq. That's rank. Tell them to bring a disposable. How incredibly rude of them. Not at all petty.

YANBU. You don't bring meat to a vegetarian party. If you can't stand one meal without meat at someone else's house, don't go. It's very, very rude.

By way of analogy, may I point out that no-one I know would bring pork to a Muslim family's barbecue?

Tell them to bring their own bbq. Its completely unreasonable to expect meat to be cooked on a vegetarian's bbq.

Personally, I'd want to eat meat at a barbecue, wouldn't feel like one without meat

if you have a flat bbq plate (not grates) you can put baking paper on it to cook. I just found that out :)

As already said, get a disposable one for them.

I'm not a vegetarian but I would imagine that if I was I wouldnt like meat cooked on my bbq and I would never expect vegetarian friends to cook meat on theirs just for me.

I was all set to come on and say YABU as I cannot imagine anything more damp squib than a veggie BBQ but actually, YANBU and I can't believe they'd really expect to be able to roast flesh on a vegetarian's BBQ. [bushock]

YABU sorry.

Meat eaters wouldn't consider a BBQ a BBQ without burgers and bangers.

And also it is a courtesy - but very much an expected courtesy - to bring food to a barbie, usually meat.

I think YABU, why should they eat vegetarian food, they are not asking you to provide it!

If it was the other way round you would expect to be able to bring or eat vegetarian food at someones house, its no different at all.

My best friend is vegetarian but would never consider not having meat at her BBQs if the people she was inviting weren't vegetarian!

If it worries you that much then get a disposable BBQ, they are dirt cheap. I don't really understand your comment about cleaning off the BBQ and plates, I have never heard of a vegetarian that goes that far as to not be able to clean meat off a plate?!

I thought the point of taking stuff round to someones BBQ/party ie food or drink is that if you have any particular dietary requirements you wouldn't expect the host to fork out on something different so take your own, I would also take wine and chocs/flowers for the host of course!

What can you eat at a vegetarian BBQ? I have only ever had meat so just curious now!

I wouldn't allow them to cook meat on my BBQ though if I were you.

Meat smells. Many people love that smell, and it makes their mouths water. Other people, such as the host, and other guests (comprising six in all, is that right?) may well hate it.

Is it fair to demand to bring food that others may find loathsome to someone else's party?

YABU. I love vegetarian food but have never been to a barbecue that doesn't have meat, including those hosted by vegetarians. I think a barbecue is a strange choice of social activity if you want no meat.

Buy a disposable barbecue and disposable plates, etc for the meat and make it clear that other stuff shouldn't be used for meat.

But they know this is a veggie bbq! They were vegetarian for years and surely know what your feelings will be. You wouldn't take a crate of wine to a recovering alcoholic's party and say "well, it's not a party without booze". Because it'd be rude and disrespectful to the host. If you're going to a bbq where you know everyone else is a vegetarian, take fucking potato salad, not ribs.

Yanbu at all ! Your house your party your rules - tell them to bring a bottle but no food

Large family with mixture of food preferences. We all love BBQ. If at veggie house meat lovers take meat and disposable BBQ. If at meat house veggies bring lovely veg stuff and disposable BBQ. They tend to luck out as the neat eaters all want to try their stuff though! At my sisters ( very strict veggie) I also take disposable plates for my meat eating boys do she does not have to deal with meat at all. Is all very easy. We have a fab system for Christmas lunch too.

They are being extremely unreasonable, especially having been vege themselves. At a vege BBQ there are loads of things you can have. There are umpteen vege burgers, sausages and products available. You can also put vegetables on skewers.
Stick to your guns. It is your house and they must know it would cause offense.

I don't aske veggie friends to eat meat for the day, I want their company so I will fit in with their wishes and cook their food.

And IMO its a 2 way street.

I would treat it like I do for veggie friends and barbeque their stuff on a separate BBQ or part of the griddle.

YANBU and what cazza said. They won't die if they go one meal without meat. Personally I'd be dying to find out what veggie delights would be on offer. And I am an enthusiastic meat-eater, by the way.

Whatmeworry I assume you normally abstain from vegetables for some reason? Moral issues with root vegetables, perhaps?

peerie - The difference is the etiquette around barbecues is that people bring stuff to share that they like to eat. Its not like going for dinner to someone's house.

And puffin - veggie sausages and burgers are rank. i love veggie food but not veggie food pretending to be meat. i really think this is like Gregg sausage rolls or Fruit Shoots - pretty disgusting and usually very unhealthy.