To ask FIL and BIL not to bring meat to our BBQ...

[37jonsialex]

Ugh, i have a horrible feeling that i'm being ridiculously petty, but here we go...

We're having a family BBQ/ housewarming tomorrow. 8 of us in total (DP's parents, brothers, sisters and various partners) DP's family are all vegetarian, him and his sisters were brought up that way. By coincidence, i've been vegetarian since i was 9 and DS has been brought up as one too.

A few years ago BIL and FIL went over to the...ehem... dark side and started to eat meat again. I have no problem with this at all, their choice and none of us believe that everyone should be vegetarian.

Anyway, DP mentioned this morning that the B/FIL have insisted on bringing their own meat tomorrow. I was a bit shocked to be honest. I've been working really hard to work out a menu, so they weren't expected to provide anything. I'm always willing to except food based gifts, but i think that if you're taking food to someone's house, it should be something that everyone can eat, right? (for example, we're spending easter sunday with a friend that hates raisins, so i'm taking hot cross buns with other things in instead.)

Apart from that, our BBQ is brand new and we're the ones that will have to cook the meat and then clean off the BBQ and the plates...

Reading this back i can see that i sound like a bit of a nutter... but at the same time i think this is such an odd and disrespectful thing to do!

WIBU to ask them to leave the meat at home?

It all depends on whether you want your guests to be happy or not I suppose.

A decent host would make sure everyone eats something they like....the same as at a wedding for example, you'd have a vegetarian choice.

At least they're willing to bring their own meat choice that you're refusing to offer.

So I think the disposable BBQ is a great idea.

I wouldn't care about not eating meat. But some people do feel as stronly about eating meat as others fel about not eating meat. And some hate feeling they are bein dictated to by vegetarians.

OP - I would just say is it really worth making a big deal of this?

This just boils down to militant veggies believing that meat eaters have to kowtow to their tastes, as per usual, while never extending the courtesy the other way.

I suspect in this case BiL and Fil have had enough of it and are basically saying F Off.

I agree with those that have said that it is usual to bring your own food to BBQs. I'm sure if you'd said you were cooking dinner they wouldn't have dreamt of bringing their own food.

I love veggie BBQ food, like halloumi and veg skewers and corn on the cob, but it's the meat that makes a BBQ IMHO.

Having said that are ey aware of how strongly you feel about meat?

Perhaps the in-laws went to a veggie bbq where someone cooked their own sangers and it turned them?

Also if I am honest I find the idea that vegetarians can't stand being around meat odd as surely if you ever eat out, this is a common occurrence?

YANBU! The divisions on the thread are very clearly separated into veggie and non-veggie. If BIL & FIL used to be veggie and most of the family are, then it's looks to me that they are deliberately trying to cause trouble or make a point. Even my strictly carnivore DH wouldn't take meat to a vegetarian house. As someone else said you wouldn't take pork or alcohol to a Muslim house, it's rude and disrespectful.

If the host has made it clear that they are providing the food, then the correct etiquette is to bring a couple of bottles. And surely a BBQ is simply cooking outside!

Anyone that tells you you are clearly will not understand how it feels for a vegetarian to have to be around meat, especially while it is cooking. It's disgusting and personally would turn my stomach.

Signed a vegetarian. Aged 12.

I nearly always take my own meat to any barbecue I go to, primarily because I can't eat half the stuff that people provide. I always take more than I need just in case, but I'm mostly taking it for me so I get something to eat.

Perhaps this is rude too?

I think that you should be a bit more forgiving about this, if they bring a disposable barbecue and cooking their meat themselves. IF they were to insist on cooking it on your own veggie barbecue, then THAT would be rude.

Would you be happy to got to theirs and be asked not to bring food you like?

Bad form for a host imo...

LadyClarice, I can see what you're saying, and of course I'm not so rude to not be grateful, if they really didn't want meat there, then fair enough.
I'd still enjoy it as the stuff that OP posted like halloumi and veg kebabs sounds yummy. (Still not a proper BBQ though ) but I'd think it was lovely.
However, is it not just the same as a meat eater throwing a BBQ then inviting some vegetarians and telling them not to even think of bringing 'veggy rubbish' into the house, and it repulses them - it's meat or nothing?!
It's exactly the same.

Actually some Muslims would let you bring a small amount of alcohol to their house.

Worra, 'It all depends on whether you want your guests to be happy or not I suppose.'

For heaven's sake. Going to eat at someone else's house is a two-way thing IMO ? yes, as the host you want everyone to have a nice time, but as a guest you are a guest, who is lucky enough that someone has offered to feed you, and it's common decency to accept gratefully what's offered. It's not the same as going to a restaurant where you DO get to indulge all your preferences.

And as for 'A decent host would ...', what a horrid dig at the OP.

'militant veggies', 'vegetarians need to get over themselves' ... Words almost fail me. I'm amazed at the aggression and vitriol being levelled at the OP and at vegetarians at random on this thread.

I'm not a vegetarian and I think it's incredibly rude to bring meat to cook on a vegetarian's BBQ. If they must, they should bring their disposable BBQ.

Also, veggie hot dogs and baked beans are yummy.

"Whatmeworry I assume you normally abstain from vegetables for some reason? Moral issues with root vegetables, perhaps?"

Don't be silly.

The point is that respect for others' diet is not a 1 way street.

I'll take that to men that you have no moral considerations concerning vegetables, and indeed, eat them yourself!

So, how, in anyway, whatsoever, is it comparable?

Let me illustrate:

Meat barbecue, with vegetarian guests.

Hosts eat meat, and vegetables. Fare on offer may even include vegetables, in form of kebabs. Vegetarian guests bring vege-something, without meat in it, or on top.

Vegetarian barbecue, with meat eating guests.

Meat-eating guests bring meat, which no-one else eats. The host and guests have moral objections to meat, and possibly feel sick at the smell.

It's not a formal sit down jobby, BBQs are a laid back affair usually, just chill and go with it, I mean, what are they going to eat between two of them? Two burgers, a sausage each, surely you can cope with that without getting the smelling salts out?

Perhaps the use of the word "barbecue" has caused the problem here. Many people have said they associate a barbecue with meat. If the OP just invited people for a meal and promptly cooked it on the barbecue, she probably wouldn't have encountered this.

As long as the OP isn't cooking veggie sausages and other meat alternatives, there will no doubt be lots of lovely food. You could always just get BIL and FIL to cook their meat in the oven and avoid your new barbecue, which will no doubt be full. Just don't make a big thing of it.

If they're setting up a hog roast in your back garden, well then I might agree with you!

Love hog roast!

YANBU said as a meat eater.

lesley33 I have never been asked to dispose of animal remains at a restaurant even if a fellow guest has done the eating.

Whatworryme any healthy meat-eaters still eat plant based food as the majority of their diet, ie bread, rice, chips. Most of them probably don't have slabs of meat for every meal ( even if its only cereal for breakfast). Vegetarians on the other hand do not eat any meat, so the situations are not comparable.

pictish, don't be ridiculous. That was extremely rude. And, ironically, quite childish.

It is disgusting, and the smell of meat cooking does turn my stomach. The fact is, if I was invited to a bbq that served meat, I would choose not to go. If I was hosting a bbq that I had specified was vegetarian, I would not be pleased if a guest that knew my standing on this turned up with meat. If I could stomach the smell of meat cooking, I would probably provide a disposable bbq for meat eaters to use, and perhaps this is an option (not a requirement) for the OP. It wouldn't be for me.

This is such a stupid situation. If the OP's ILs had respect for her choices, they wouldn't bring meat without asking if it was okay and giving her a chance to say no. They will not die if they don't eat meat for a single meal.

Allowing meat eating guests to bring meat to a vegetarian bbq is in no way the same as allowing vegetarian guests to bring a vegetarian option to a meat eating bbq.

whatmeworry
This just boils down to militant veggies believing that meat eaters have to kowtow to their tastes, as per usual, while never extending the courtesy the other way.

I suspect in this case BiL and Fil have had enough of it and are basically saying F Off.

LOLOLOL

Seriously? Far as I can see, it's always militant meat-eaters becoming really insecure about their own dietary decisions, and attacking vegetarians at every opportunity.

I haven't met a vegetarian over 12, who criticises meat-eaters' plates. But the number of apparently normal adults who seem to go around trying to spot vegetarian plates, so that they can try and antagonise a vegetarian over the lack of meat on the plates...