to think that "refrigerator mothers" = ones on the ASD spectrum?

[Anna1976]

AIBU to think that people are missing the point?
In today's BBC news article about France's psychoanalytic treatment of autism, there is this little box of explanation:

From the 1950s to the 1970s, autism was frequently attributed to emotional frigidity on the part of the mother. In a 1949 paper, psychiatrist Leo Kanner suggested "parental coldness, obsessiveness, and a mechanical type of attention to material needs only" left children in "refrigerators" and caused them to withdraw and "seek comfort in solitude". Some experts who believe autism is a psychological disorder continue to regard poor parenting as the source of the problem.

Parental coldness, obsessiveness and mechanical attention to material needs, to me, sounds like those parents may have had ASD and been struggling to cope. As someone with Asperger's I completely recognise the feelings that lead to me appearing cold, obsessive and mechanical - and if one thing would induce those feelings reproducibly, it would be enforced societal expectation to have babies and nurture them like a perfect 1950s housewife, when all i wanted to do is get away and have some peace.

AIBU to think that it would be appropriate to acknowledge that ASD is a pervasive developmental disorder, but also that it does have a genetic basis - and thus note that "refrigerator mothers" could (do) actually exist and could benefit from help? If the parents don't get the basis of what they're teaching their kid, it's not going to work well... I think we need both the neurodevelopmental side, and the psychosocial side of the explanation, given that most of the useful strategies in later life are psychosocial ones.

I'm absolutely not saying that it's refrigerator mothers' fault their kids have ASD - I'm saying that it would be important to look at the parents and whether they also need some of the strategies being taught to their kids.

It just so happens to be world Autism awareness day today ( well yesterday but what's 27 minutes ?? ) There has been a LOT of stuff in the media and bits on here.........i'm joining GlitterKnickaz as a 40 stone trucker called JimBob tbh.

Dont understand how it can be due to parenting when you get families one child with aspergers and one not, and they have been raised the same? so surely this "refridgerator" theory must be way oversimplifying things
Thought it was actually something to do with the brain? (admit i dont know alot of the details)

Its really offensive to say that parents cause this. how upsetting must that b for parents if people insist on saying that!

Anna-in the UK, we have "Adult services" and the children's plans included the whole family.

It is well documented that for emotional security, certain things need to be done by the care giver, it is true that some conditions, mean that this isn't possible and the children often show signs of emotiona ldistress, but the emotional damage is completely seperate and usually without ASD being evident.

My son has asd, I am certainly not a refrigerator mum and I've taught DS to be affectionate and let me hug him (one day I'm hoping he may hug me of his own accord with no prompt!), I think you should let the professionals do the research and make the claims as you'll just end up insulting people by making guesses or making generalisations based on your own experiences - and special needs threads on AIBU never end well either

OK, i apologise for the offence caused on this thread. People seem to be quite willing to not actually read what other people are saying.

I've reported the thread and asked for it to be removed as I have clearly offended too many people with what I thought would be something that could be helpful.

Amberleaf, thanks for saying i'm talking bull. Your experience was typical for your peer group - perhaps mine was typical for mine?

Why should the OP 'leave' because she's explaining her parents called her a 'spaz'?

Should she not be honest about what her parents called her?

Oh and OP, are you lighting it up blue for world autism awareness day, or just trying to make other parents feel blue?

YANBU. I thought the same when I read that stuff. The theory did a lot of damage to two generations (children were take away from 'refrigerator mothers') and obviously it's good that it's been disproved.

But my first reaction was the same as yours - the MOTHERS were probably on the spectrum. In the light of what we know today, that would explain both the observed maternal behaviours and their children's predisposition to autism.

Apart from the sickeningly obvious woman-blaming in the theory, autism had been identified as a male disorder so it probably didn't even occur to anyone that the mothers might have it, too.

The OP was CALLED a spaz.

She didnt use that term herself, but repeated what she herself has been called. My son IS a "Spaz" in that he has cerebal palsy and in the old days would have been called a spastic. I take no offence because I understand that she isnt saying this herself, so WTF does anyone else?

Am I reading this wrong then?

I got the impression from the OP that the discredited theory of 'refridgerator mother' could actually be a case of nondiagnosed asd in the parent.

Therefore, no one is blaming the parents in this better informed age but a few cases where the parents were blamed in the past were actually asd themselves.

I must state I have no experience personally of asd, and I also find the term 'spaz' very offensive.

OP but what was your experience? do you have a child with a diagnosis?

I feel sorry for OP on this thread - and it's only at page 2! Stick around, Anna, it might get better.

A million x posts, sorry.

And what I meant by the nondiagnosed parents was that there could have been a genetic link, not that that explained their DC's diagnosis, sorry.

From what I've read about the established thinking of the French medical profession's on autism, I feel deeply sorry for any parents living there trying to raise a child who is on the autistic spectrum. Not only are they denied effective help, they are actually (the mother in particular) blamed for the child's condition.

profession

BItter yep, pretty much what you said, and the OP was saying that if the non -diagnosed parent had been diagnosed then the parent could get treatment too and therefore understand and help the child better.

Id really like an answer to my question OP because im confused by what your experience has been with regard to what focus is placed on the parents as opposed to the child. I know what happens during assessment, do you? I mean I know from the parental perspective [ie the one being asked the questions!]

Bitter I'm quite sure the OP found being called a Spaz by her parents offensive too huh?

I'm not actually sure some people are reading this thread properly.

It's one thing agreeing or disagreeing with the OP, but taking offence at a word she was called by her parents is quite something else.

Ahhh and a cross post with Bitter so a sorry from me too

OP only used the word spas because that is what her mother called her-I.e. she is recounting her mothers words

She isn't being offensive at all. She has aspergers, her mother has ASD, and so do her dc if I understand correctly

Even with the possibilities of a genetic link, the whole 'refrigerator mother' thing should be bundled up in a box with Freud and dropped down a deep dark hole - which may or may not represent the vagina.

Have I missed a post where she mentions her DCs with ASD?

I thought what the OP was attempting to say was that some children with ASD had mothers with undiagnosed ASD, and that those mothers would need help because they wouldn't be able to teach their children how to behave in a 'normal' manner because they didn't really understand 'normal' themselves.

If that is what the OP is saying, I'm inclined not to agree because I think that in some ways it would be easier to relate to a child with ASD if you were a parent with ASD. I don't think there is good reason to believe that an ASD parent requires more support than an NT one.

Yu OP is not parent blaming- but pondering genetic link and undiagnosed parents

I missed the bit about the OP being called spaz, and apologise if I misinterpreted it.