to tell an elderly gent to f*ck off

[Helenfellows33]

i was on a family day out on a steam train and on the way home an infirm old man got on with his carer. she left shortly after and he was on his own in his wheelchair with me and my dh and dc's. this journey was about an hour long and ds being cranky started to cry. and the old man turned to him and shouted at him to be quiet boy. at this i told him to shut the fuck up and a list of words i cant mention here. dh backed me up although i was telling a friend later she said he was ok too this as he was old, we are now not speaking cause of this. AIBU for doing that to an elderly person.

Yes and no.

Am sure you could have gotten your point across without resorting to foul language like that.

YABU to speak to anyone like that. Yes, he was rude in shouting at your son but you didn't need to stoop to his level and swear at him. If you'd responded politely but firmly to his unreasonable demands you would have retained the moral high ground.

How rude of the pair of you! Honestly! You and the old man...and what a big man your dh is, bet he would have not said a word if it had been someone more healthy!

What an example to set! The pair of you want your heads banged together!!

You swore at someone in front of your little boy. You are teaching him to behave like this. Did it not occur to you?

He was unpleasant but you don't say that he swore at your DS, yet you uttered a torrent of abuse? YABU for doing that alone. They pick it up quicker than you would think - keep it for MN!

You behave like an asbo, brag to your friend, and now you have fallen out? Kudos to your friend!

yes he would have, he has stood up for on numerous, and i have done the same to me. if it had been a big strapping bloke my reaction would have been the same. NO one talks to me or my family like that.

Totally and utterly unreasonable. You have no idea what that man suffered from possibly dementia etc. In my book it is always unreasonable to use language like that in public and sets a very bad example to your children.
Yes he shouldn't have shouted at your son but your behaviour, in my opinion, was far worse.

Oh great so he loves a confrontation then. Shame he's not so keen on manners and decency.

Yet it's acceptable for you to talk to others in an uncouth way? What a lovely double standard.

Oh wow, that was an aweful way to behave top this old man. He sounded rude but your retort sounded way over the top. And you are teaching your young dc's a bad example. you should be teaching them to be polite to people they do not know and to take the higher ground.

"NO one talks to me or my family like that."

So you have to launch back tenfold, out yourself as a woman of no manners, no empathy and very little intelligence?

you did it anyway why did you ask if you were B U , you told an old man to fuck off thats beyond unreasonable , where did his carer go just out of interest ?

normally i wouldnt have swore but this mans tone was so agressive, it just happened. It not normal that i would swear like that.

poor man

NO one talks to me or my family like that.

Double standards, don't you think. Two wrongs don't make a right.

You were verbally abusive on public transport, to an old man, on his own. You were accompanied by your husband.

He was probably physically intimidated by you.

You have no bloody right to treat people like that on public transport, or in any public place!

YABU to have responded in that manner. There are more civilised ways to have made your point and to excused your child being upset and crying.

Have you ever thought that maybe if you didn't act in a certain way, teaching your child that it is okay to swear and use expletives, that perhaps no one would talk to you or your family "in that way" in the first place?

YABU - what an over-reaction! How can you think this is justified! Your poor DCs were probably really upset to witness that, unless they're used to it.

Yes the old gent shouldn't have shouted at your DS and was out of order for doing so, but you could have pointed that out without being verbally abusive and then your DH joins in too. Urgh! I feel sorry for the old bloke, he probably felt really intimidated and I feel sorry for your DC who must have found that upsetting.

the carer went to sit in another carraige. she came back periodically to check he was ok.

Meeting rudeness with more rudeness is never going to get you anywhere. Swearing loses you any moral high ground you may have had and is extremely fishwifey. If this is a real situation YABU.

YABU. Swearing at strangers in public is never acceptable behaviour. Quietly requesting the man to be quiet himself would have been much better.

The old man was a bit wrong to shout at your son but you behaved far worse. Whether the man was old and disabled or not, you should have been polite.

What was your DS saying, I wonder, for the chap to tell him to shut up...

This makes me really sad. You and your husband are setting a terrible example for your kids.

If you behave like low-level scum, dont be surprised if your kids turn out that way.

Could you not stood up for you family in a more thoughtful way? Could you not have managed your kids better on public transport? And when the man shouted, could you not take it as an opportunity to to explain to your kids that they need to quieten down because they are a nuisance to other passengers, and told them that the man was very rude, and we dont speak like that?

Perhaps-like your little boy- the elderly man was feeling a little cranky and unwell. Instead of setting a good example, you and your husband behave like foul mouthed thugs to an old person on their own in a wheelchair.
What will affect your child more in the long run?- a barked comment from a complete stranger or his mother yelling Fuck Off at someone in a wheelchair?