to tell an elderly gent to f*ck off

[Helenfellows33]

i was on a family day out on a steam train and on the way home an infirm old man got on with his carer. she left shortly after and he was on his own in his wheelchair with me and my dh and dc's. this journey was about an hour long and ds being cranky started to cry. and the old man turned to him and shouted at him to be quiet boy. at this i told him to shut the fuck up and a list of words i cant mention here. dh backed me up although i was telling a friend later she said he was ok too this as he was old, we are now not speaking cause of this. AIBU for doing that to an elderly person.

Well, what an interesting read. YABVU.

I don't want to repeat too much of what has been said (about 620 times) but I think it is very sad that you excuse youre childs behaviour as he was tired and cranky, something the old man couldn't possibly know, but made no effort to think about what position the old man might be in to be rude in the first placE (Tired and cranky, mental or other health problems etc.)

It is horrible that you think it is ok to use that language directed in such a way in front of your DCs. You should set a better example by being calm and dignified in your response.

And finally, you say you would react in the same way whoever spoke like that to your child. Really? A visibly disabled person perhaps or a child? You repeatedly make a point that the 'fully grown adult' shouted at a small child, so you recognise that in that scenario your child was the vulnerable party, but in your case the elderly man in a wheelchair was the vulnerable party.

I know this is a waste of time, but if the OP is still reading, something might make her think about her actions next time (and it apparantly happens a lot )

Do you what, I'm find this less and less believable. (I had my rant and righteous indignation upthread).

What makes me believe it even less is that the carer left him alone - either to not travel with him or to go to a different carriage. I just don't believe it. If he really was infrim, its unlikely anyone would send him on a hour's journey unaccompanied..... and if the carer was in a different carriage - why??

iscream: I see what you did there. :-)

Just out of curiosity, how long is it reasonable to leave a small child to yell and shout and generally make everyone else's lives a bit more miserable? Being as I am getting old and probably git-like and mine are old enough not to have tantrums in public anymore. I must have forgotten because IIRC I didn't let my children scream blue murder or make a nuisance of themselves for very long. Distract, distract, distract was my mantra. Happy noise is one thing, whingey noise is another. And whilst I am v tolerant re small children I would get a bit fed up if it carried on for a long time.

I wouldn't say 'Be quiet boy!' but maybe that is because I don't have the courage of my convictions and I suspect I would be thinking much worse.

About 2 minutes Orm.

I think it depends on whether the parent is making an effort to calm the child down.

NO one talks to me or my family like that.

But you think it is ok to speak to others like that?

Glad I was not on that steam train, one grumpy old man, a screaming child and chav parents, NICE

i was on a family day out at legoland and on the way home a blind, elderly nun joined the queue with her carer. she left shortly after and she was on her own with me and my dh and dc's. this queue was about an hour long and ds being cranky started to cry. and the blind. eldery nun turned to him and soffered him a sweetie. at this i told her to go fuck herself and then i beat her guide dog puppy to death with a club. dh backed me up although i was telling a friend later she said he was ok too this as she was an old, blind nun we are now not speaking cause of this. AIBU for doing that to a nun and a really cute puppy.?

Hey you owe me a new laptop. This one has diet coke all over it!

What a great (not) example you both are to your kids....marvellous!

Sorry crashdoll

Did he really deserve that kind of treatment?

You could have ignored him, or explained that your child was tired and apologised for disturbing the man, then asked him politely not to speak rudely.

Mouthing off is really not very helpful and just makes you look bad. Think before you speak.

Would love to keep reading but I have to go shopping for Two Rolls Of Large Lino

Off the point but...with regards to the carer - for all we know he (old guy) may well have been met at the other end by another carer, or a family member or friend.

OP I am the carer for my MIL who has dementia. Frankly, even before she had dementia she was quite a difficult character! Anyway, when we go out shopping or for lunch or whatever the things she comes out with are sometimes so embarrassing and inappropriate it is almost unbearable eg.

"I know you really want to burn my flat down" to the pharmacist.
"You look like Baby P" to a toddler who came to visit us at our table in a cafe.
"Are all children as noisy as that one these days" in the dentist waiting room.
And all of these loud enough to make the entire shop/cafe etc stop, turn and gasp.

As her carer I used to feel these comments like bodyblows and just not know where to put myself but literally 100% of the people who have witnessed these outbursts have looked at her and then at me and then given us both an understanding and sympathetic look.

I know it is horrible when someone talks to your child like that, you instinctively want to protect them and then end up saying something you regret but I would be willing to bet that the old man in question did not really know what he was saying and in future I would ask you to be a bit more thoughtful and tolerant.

How would you feel if someone spoke to your grandfather like this?
He had a carer take him onto the train. Does that not suggest to you that he was vulnerable? You think bullying the elderly is acceptable? Really?
Older people who're loosing their hearing often speak LOUD and sound shoutier than they intend, esp if they spend lots of time alone . He didn't swear, name-call, or even say anything aggressive. Even if he had, I would be disgusted at you.

bumperell that is a very good point with regard to the hearing loss.

Well I'm not going to condone swearing at anyone in public in front of your children.

But I also don't subscribe to any notion that being old is a get out of jail free card either.

Horrible people get old too.

(Some) old people and (some) small children are very similar in many ways - they are enable to control their impatience and emotions, thus cranky child and cranky grandad are fellow spirits.

OP - have you never heard of the phrase 'second childhood'?

It's up to the age groups in the middle to realise this simple fact. Age will catch up with you one day OP - if someone hasn't murdered you when you are in the midst of one of your foul-mouth tirades first.

The op makes Wayne and Waynetta Slob look sophisticated!

I see too many instances of gobby mums and dads who think opening their foul mouths and letting the filth spew out is ok. Unfortunately, they lack the basic intelligence and morals to realise that decent people don't need or want to talk that way. And also unfortunately, it's the people who do have decent morals who realise how low 'people' like the op are.

And I think we all know how their children are going to turn out, which is a shame because those children will spend their lives being bitter and nasty.

He was rude, you were worse. YWBVU regardless of any age difference. You could have just quietly said that you were trying your best to keep your son quiet but that toddlers are quite unpredictable quiet and every single person would have had sympathy for you and thought he was just being an old git. As soon as you opened your foul mouth, noone would have any sympathy for you and would be thinking " Those poor little kids, what chance at all do they have in life".