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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think "...but I can't drive" is a rubbish excuse

254 replies

OneHandFlapping · 18/03/2012 11:04

Over and again on threads where a DH is being some kind of a nob, the OP responds to excellent advice by saying, "I can't go anywhere/get a job/etc because I can't drive."

Unless you have a disability or medical condition that stops you, then WHY NOT? You are making yourself a victim, if you are dependent on your DH for transport.

OP posts:
WaitingForMe · 18/03/2012 11:07

Well it is rather expensive. My dad paid for all my lessons when I was 18 as he saw it as an essential skill. If he hadn't I'm not sure when in the last decade (excluding the last year) I could have afforded to learn.

TheCrackFox · 18/03/2012 11:08

It is incredibly expensive to learn how to drive and once you pass your test insurance is ruinously expensive. If a woman is being financially abused she will have huge problems in getting her hands on a huge whack of cash.

DorcasS · 18/03/2012 11:09

I agree, I'd hate not been able to drive.

I was abroad one time with my twat of an ex and we had an argument. He thought he'd be clever and drive off leaving me stranded. What he didn't bank on was the fact that I have a good credit card and a drivers licence. I hired a car, a very nice car and kept it for the rest of the week. It cost me a bit of money, yeah but hell, it felt good driving around in a car that was a million times better than his - and he hated every minute of it Grin

Spite = priceless.

SecretNutellaFix · 18/03/2012 11:09

Do you have any idea how much it costs to learn to drive?

Seriously- apart from the cost of the provisional licence then you are looking for up to £30 an hour for lessons, plus then the costs of the tests. you are looking towards £1000 before you even get a car after you pass a test.

NettoSuperstar · 18/03/2012 11:09

It's expensive.
I only can because my parents paid when \i was 18, and then I did refresher lessons wen I got DLA, which is what also pays for my car.
I didn't drive from passing my test untill last December (16 years) because I simply couldn't afford to.

wannaBe · 18/03/2012 11:10

even if you can't drive it's a crap excuse for not going places unless you live out in the back of beyond with no public transport.

I can't drive due to the fact I am VI and I depend on no-one. It certainly hasn't stopped me going places.

BananasInBloomers · 18/03/2012 11:10

I can drive but we can't afford the insurance,tax,servicing and fuel costs of a second car. At ?1.61 per litre we can barely afford the banger we have.

AgentProvocateur · 18/03/2012 11:12

I agree that it is an essential life skill unless you live in the city that you work in, and are never likely to live elsewhere.

When I read threads about people whose partners are wankers, but they can't go away for the day because they live in a village with no buses and they can't drive, I do wonder why they chose to live somewhere so isolated.

ifancyashandy · 18/03/2012 11:12

Because I've had panic attacks in the past & am terrified of having one behind a wheel.

HTH

OracleInaCoracle · 18/03/2012 11:12

I can't drive and it doesn't hinder me at all.

KatAndKit · 18/03/2012 11:13

It cost me £1000 in lessons and the test fee and that was ten years ago. Perhaps I was a slow learner, but still, it is very expensive. And if your family can't afford to run two cars many people might think it wasn't worth learning.
However, if I lived in the back of beyond with no transport and I was dependent on being taken places, then I guess I'd consider learning as a higher priority. If you live in a town with buses etc then that's different.

BananasInBloomers · 18/03/2012 11:14

I live in the back of beyond with no public transport Angry.
We had a bus service but its been non excistant for about 4 years now.

Original poster
OneHandFlapping · 18/03/2012 11:14

How do poor men learn then, because this really seems to be a female thing?

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 18/03/2012 11:15

YANBU. But I learned when Iwas 17 and passed first time. I think the older you are the harder it gets.

D0oinMeCleanin · 18/03/2012 11:15

I can't drive but I can walk, run sort of, cycle and go on public transport all on my own Shock

I don't feel like a victim, should I? I didn't realise driving was essential to empowerment.

I have given up and am going to start learning soon but only because the children want to be able to daytrip to places that are out of our reach as daytrips via public transport.

mumblechum1 · 18/03/2012 11:15

onehand Good point!

cory · 18/03/2012 11:15

not being able to drive has never hindered me because I live in a city and because I have always had a say in where we lived/how our money was spent etc

however, if I had an abusive husband I can imagine finding it rather difficult to get money for driving lessons

even as it was, we did find it very difficult to cope financially while dh was taking his driving lessons

BananasInBloomers · 18/03/2012 11:16

I live here because it was where we were allocated a council house,which we have since mortgaged. No chance of selling it.

OracleInaCoracle · 18/03/2012 11:16

Oh, and I live in a village. I am just organised.

It is a useful live skill, not an essential one though. An essential life skill is being able to cook and change a fuse/plug/lightbulb.

OracleInaCoracle · 18/03/2012 11:16

Oh, and I live in a village. I am just organised.

It is a useful live skill, not an essential one though. An essential life skill is being able to cook and change a fuse/plug/lightbulb.

KatAndKit · 18/03/2012 11:17

I don't think it is purely female. Neither of my brothers (both in early 30s) have got their licence. For me it was important when I started my teaching career to be able to drive as otherwise I'd have been much more limited in where I could apply for jobs. They've both managed perfectly fine without driving a car so far.

One of my cousins only started learning when he and his wife started a family as she didn't want him to be reliant on her for being driven around.

OracleInaCoracle · 18/03/2012 11:18

Oh, and lots of men don't drive either. Hmm

ObviouslyOblivious · 18/03/2012 11:19

YABU, thread about a thread. Kick someone when they're down....

LucyManga · 18/03/2012 11:19

I see your point, but I also think you are being unfair.

I only learned to drive at the grand old age of 34, and on my third attempt. The reasons I didn't learn to drive before were many, but included: lack of money/time/childcare to cover lessons; living in London and never really needing to drive; lack of confidence (very poor satial awareness); fear due to having been in a very bad car accident some years ago. Quite a complicated mish-mash of reasons I didnt drive for so many years.

I also have a couple pf friends who don't drive, and none of them are just lazy/pathetic bastards. They all have their reasons.

Having said all of that, I love the freedom I now have since learning to drive. It is unbelievable! I don't drive very often, but the little trips I do make life so much easier.

And I do think it is a life skill - perhaps not essential, but definitely worth acquiring. One of my main motivators for finally cracking the driving thing was my DS saying to me 'Mummy, why cant you drive like all the other mummies?'.
That made me feel like shit Sad. He was so so proud of me on the day I passed and I felt like I had set him a good example by learning a new skill (one I found very hard and very scary).

lesley33 · 18/03/2012 11:19

onehand - Sexism of family? I learnt to drive when I was older - couldn't afford to when I was younger. But my dad took my DB out and taught him how to drive at 17 as it was seen as more important that as a boy he learned than it was for me.

But I do agree that if you can't drive you either use public transport or walk, and you live somewhere where this is available.