AIBU to think "...but I can't drive" is a rubbish excuse

[OneHandFlapping]

Over and again on threads where a DH is being some kind of a nob, the OP responds to excellent advice by saying, "I can't go anywhere/get a job/etc because I can't drive."

Unless you have a disability or medical condition that stops you, then WHY NOT? You are making yourself a victim, if you are dependent on your DH for transport.

I agree that it's not essential to drive if you live within hailing distance of civilisation.

I agree that it is somewhat [confusing] when a poster complains that they can't go anywhere, get dcs to school on time, etc etc because they can't drive and they live in a village miles from anywhere. What chump would go and live in a village with no transport? And no school?

And also thoroughly agree with poster who mentioned that you rarely get men whining about not being able to drive/the cost/the difficulty. It smacks of harking back to that "precious little me" attitude - think of all those ladies now being chauffeured around by elderly husbands whilst they sit in state in the passenger seat. Mil even said she had no use for fil when he broke his hip if he could no longer drive her to the shops.

I couldn't get to work if I couldn't drive so for me it is essential, but I also enjoy the (extra) freedom that driving gives me and gave me at 17

I don't drive but neither does my dh. Can't afford to learn now. I had my eldest when I was young and unexpectedly so she became the main priority. We've both started learning but ran out of money. I don't feel I need to be able to drive because I live in a city, have about 10 bus services within 5 minutes walk and work 15 mins away. It would be useful to be able to drive sometimes, and might enable us to live in a house with a garden a bit further out instead of a flat in the city, but I don't feel a victim not being able to drive. I've just had to choose where I live differently.

YANBU.

Legs/wheels, bicycle, public transport, general determination. I can see how at times lack of driving and car could be an obstacle, but not all the time.

"I've just had to choose where I live differently" - quite, Sarahplane. Just as we have to live in a dull, moderately-priced suburb near to a train station, because dh commutes to London. You have to cut your coat according to your cloth. You wouldn't choose to go and live on an island in the middle of a lake and then complain that you were stuck there because you couldn't row a boat.

I live in a fairly populated area about 10mins from town. No direct bus from or to work. Work shifts and finish at odd hours. No chance of taxis on Christmas Day or NYE.
There are a few people that work here that don't drive but rely on lifts from colleagues

My commute is a very pleasant 10 minute cycle ride alongside a river, passing two parks. I pass swans and hear the birds chirping. It costs me almost nothing. It costs the planet nothing. I rest my case.

Before I could drive, I always felt bad that I could never be the designated driver on a night out. My friends never said they resented it but I felt better when I passed & I could take my turn. To always need to rely on other people and not make an effort to pass is a bit off IMO. Unless you can't drive for medical reasons obviously.

DH cant drive and nor can our 3 adult children. Totally out of our price range. Yet they still all get about. None of them want too either. DH cycles to work. Its only 5 miles.

When I learned to drive, lessons cost 15 shillings (75p) for an hour's lesson. On what I was earning, it was probably the same percentage of my wage as a £20 or £30 lesson would be these days, so the cost of lessons thing doesn't hold water, for people who are working.

Yes, I am very very old. However, I am also very very independent, and would hate not to have that heap of metal sitting in my driveway to allow me to go and do whatever I want. I can't actually remember the last time I was on a bus.

Looking back, at one time I had four children at three different schools. I can't imagine how I'd have got them all there (one school was ten miles away) without a car.

Each of my children was given lessons for their Christmas/Birthday at around 17, and each of them has a licence. I think it's one of the most valuable gifts we've ever given them, and I think they'd probably agree.

I have failed three tests so far. I do OK in the lesson running up to the test then it all turns to shit goes wrong when it counts. The theory is easy but the practical I can't crack. Have given up for now due to the cost which we can ill afford.

I was too scared to drive at 17, I learnt mid 20's and passed after a lot of lessons. Main issue was lack of confidence not poor driving skill.

DH passed his test at 17, he hates driving and I drive everywhere but we do take it in turns on long trips. We have a large estate car which I freaked out about when I chose it as until then I had small beaten up run arounds but decided to upgrade to something with an NCAP rating when I was pg.

As to your question, chibi said exactly what I wanted to but more neatly! Although what finally forced me to learn was living in the sticks with some arsehole ex who would trade lifts for sexual favours. I saved up and passed my test, a month later I moved out :)

Gosh how old are you Henrietta 107os 15 shillings is worth about £8 now

A two hour lesson with my instructor is £44

Lottie- I have to reply:

"Legs can only take you so far, unless you really want to attempt a marathon on a daily basis"

-How can you say that when you don't know how far away us non drivers live from stuff? My shops are 5 mins walk, school is 12 mins walk etc. Hardly a marathon.

And what happens when it's dark?

• We get a cab. (Very affordable if you don't run a car)

"When you want to walk somewhere that has no pavements, no pedestrian access?"

• no pavements? you mean rural places? well, there's buses, hiking, taxis, bikes, trains.

" Or a crappy public transport network?"

-excellent public transport round my way.

"Or late at night?"

• a taxi, an overnight stay, or go when it's light.

"Or if you want to go somewhere which would involve two trains and a bus?"
-It's a lovely adventure and children LOVE public transport.

By the way- I have NEVER sponged or asked for a lift. Cheeky mare.

Henrietta, thats bollocks, sorry. I paid 25 quid an hour for my lessons and it took me 40 lessons ( at a rate of twice a week) to pass. It was a huge expense that many people just coudnt justify. I was lucky I could afford it - and afford to run a car! Just insured myself - cost a grand. Just filled up my petrol tank - cost 70 quid! I am glad I have the skill, but I dont blame people for not learnng simply because of the cost of it!

Yes it is ruinously expensive - i pay about £200 a month for mine (2 hrs a week), which is half of what I pay for my mortgage! And I like to think i'm on a fair wage, god knows how people on minimum wage cope.

"... When I read threads about people whose partners are wankers, but they can't go away for the day because they live in a village with no buses and they can't drive, I do wonder why they chose to live somewhere so isolated. ..."

Because some of us were born and have lived all our lives in such places.

PT is in all likely hood cheaper than a car, I haven't worked it out, but thinking what I pay every month. It used to be different until petrol and insurance costs just kept rising.

£40 insurance (and that's 10 years no claims too! It was just £20 for the same a couple of years ago with less no claims ), £63 every 6 months tax (can't afford a year in one go), MOTs, services, wheels and petrol...before anything goes wrong!

"... What chump would go and live in a village with no transport? And no school? ..."

Beause some of us were born and have lived all our lives in such places.

I don't drive, DH does, makes not one jot of difference anyway as we don't have a car and cannot afford a car let alone driving lessons/tests for me. DH passed before we had our DD's and we were both working and bringing in full time wages, still it was an expense that we struggled with.

DH walks to work, I walk everywhere, I NEVER beg lifts and use public transport if need be, very rarely do I use taxis.

It has never hindered my life at all (or DH's for that matter). If we go out for a drink/night out which is very rare anyway as we don't have the spare cash we walk, town is only a 10 minute walk from our house. If we go further we get a bus, train or occasionally taxi (I cannot remember the last time we used a taxi)

I have to go to a hospital outpatients appointment for myself twice a year, this hospital is not my local one but one that is a couple of hours away on the train. I love it I love being able to take a book and read in peace, or if I haven't got childcare for whatever reason I take the DD's with me and we have a day out.

I personally would be more worried about becoming one of those people who cannot cope with getting about without a car. Driving their DC to school when they can see the school from their front living rooms, how lazy is that; and before anyone pipes up about disabilities etc, the very same people cope perfectly well with walking their DC to school when they can be bothered to.

I would hate to be so dependant on driving/having a car that I never left my house because of it, like a friend of mine has done, they had two cars, hers needs fixing and is in-drivable. Her and her DC's haven't left the house for months other than at the weekend when her DH was home and they could use his works car. I asked if she wanted to walk with me to take the kids out to the library (10-15 min walk max) and she said her DC couldn't as they wont walk and she thought it was too far to push the pushchair. Her DC are the same age as mine. That worries me more than not being able to drive.

Oh and I don't drive as I am very nervous, I hate it and I am a danger to other road users so stopped taking my lessons.

YABU! It costs a fortune to pass your test - I passed 20 yrs ago and even then it was expensive. Now it's ruinously so. And stressful! It took me 5 attempts and then I only passed because I got betablockers from my GP. And then there's the cost of buying a car and simply keeping it roadworthy even if you don't drive it. And then there's the fuel..... and parking, and fines when if you get caught speeding. Not to mention driving isn't that much fun when everywhere is so congested.

I take your point about being indendepent but it isn't as simple as that.

ME
because a great many people where I live have to live places where there aren't any schools. Funnily enough we moved to a town (which I hate) so that I could walk them to the school gate and now they're taxiied to the next village for school anyway because of the way schools are in this county. Wish I hadn't had to move, it was pretty idyllic before.

I feel more isolated here in town surrounded by anti social mummy cliques than I ever did pottering around the farmland or looking after the animals/birds.

Having said all that my husband isn't a wanker

And.... it's too easy to get addicted to driving everywhere. Before I passed my test I would use all the little shops along our street for bread/milk/groceries as and when I needed them. Once I could drive I would go to the big supermarket and buy everything at once. If you have a car it's so easy to get lazy. I have so many arguments with my kids who don't see why they should walk anywhere!

Sorry that was to
"... What chump would go and live in a village with no transport? And no school? ..."

Pendeen: "Because some of us were born and have lived all our lives in such places."

Well, then you've no excuse! You know the score - not many buses, perhaps no local school - then learn to drive! We no longer live in Thomas Hardy land. My father's family were all farmers - my grandfather made it his business that all 9 of his children learnt to drive asap - and that was in the 1930s.