AIBU to think "...but I can't drive" is a rubbish excuse

[OneHandFlapping]

Over and again on threads where a DH is being some kind of a nob, the OP responds to excellent advice by saying, "I can't go anywhere/get a job/etc because I can't drive."

Unless you have a disability or medical condition that stops you, then WHY NOT? You are making yourself a victim, if you are dependent on your DH for transport.

Also it is not that difficult to drive in a basic sense. The difficulty comes with the multitude of disparate traffic situations where there are awfully difficult and complicated rules that even competent drivers don't understand (myself included!) If I go somewhere else there's often a strange filter lane or set of lights I just don't understand at all, and get in the wrong lane consistently but until you are familiar with it you're just going to manage as best you can.

Most of us can operate a car though. My friend had her own mini at the age of 13 and drove it round her dad's farm. So it ain't that hard. It's just the bit where you have to do it alongside other people that gets confusing, but in an emergency, any level of driving ability is probably better than zilch.

JaneB1rkin - with an injured child you should definitely call an ambulance rather than drive. What if the child stopped breathing while you were driving, or started vomitting? Much safer to have a paramedic there while they are transported.

Why would you have no idea where you are if you can't drive? You can still give directions

It depends where you are Rita, and yes of course, with a child you have to be very careful at getting the right balance of danger from their immediate situation and danger from being driven by someone with only a small experience of driving a car, however in an emergency where it was critical to move the child, and these occasions do arise, you might find you NEED to be able to drive for the best outcome.

That's what Im saying, and clearly, the better a driver you are the better your outcome is likely to be. I'd agree an ambulance is often the better option but not always possible.

people who do not drive mostly do not choose to live in villages with crappy transport links.

i cannot imagine the circumstances which would find me in a village with 3 small children, one of whom is gravely injured, the nearest hospital miles and miles away

i have deliberaty structured my life to avoid that, and as such, do not worry about it any more than i stay up at night panicking because i may not be able to effectively fight a shark ;)

I can't think of a situation where it would be better for someone with little driving experience and no license to drive a critically injured child than to call an ambulance.

Oh I can think of some. And the out-for-the-day with an injured DH is also relevant, if that one is something you can imagine.

If you've deliberately structured your life to avoid these issues that's a very good thing as it shows you have thought about the risks. There aren't many sharks in the UK but people do use cars a lot.

this is getting silly, what if what if what if...

What if you are on a bus and if it goes any slower than 50 mph it will blow up what will you do then non drivers hmmmmmmm

you are dooooooooomed

I have never felt limited by not being able to drive. I like walking.

Now the school run etc is coming up, I might learn. I might not. I'm sure my children will be healthier for walking. We might save a lot of time by driving. We might waste a lot of money.

WTF, OP. Why feel the need to have a go at people?

what if you can drive but don't have a car, say, its in the garage, or out of petrol, and a child gets hurt - what do you do then?

fgs, it is NOT an essential life skill. merely a useful one. I am infuriated by people who cannot see past the end of their cars. we are going on holiday in June to Puerto Rico and are booking excursins now, despite not speaking spanish, we will get the bus or train, quite easily. because it is possible.

Chibi

not as silly as that...

Erm can I also just say, I'm not the OP. I'm not even of the same mind as the OP. I'm just stating some reasons why I think it's useful to be able to drive.

Fgs lissie puerto rico? think of the sharks

Well exactly.

back at janebirkin

i am being a facetious dink (a bit), i am treating myself this mother's day to a shitload of marking tests and books and am going a bit loopy

Poor you. I'm going loopy as well, I'm going OUT to Sainsburys, right now. Before my children murder each other.

Good luck with the marking and stuff driving, I bloody hate it really, just I have to...

Seems odd to me, because we all had driving lessons for our 17 th birthdays.
Rural Wales and absolutely no public transport.

The only person I know who can't drive has border line eyesight and decided she much safer not doing.

Neither of us drive, for reasons partly medical, partly financial and partly just choice.

It has never stopped us doing anything. Some things are harder, like moving house, some short journeys and taking lots of luggage everywhere, but we work around it. Atm that mostly involves helpful family, but if we didn't have them we would just have to deal with it.

It really isn't a big deal.

Lucky you startail . It wasn't on offer from my parents. Rural childhood too.

Oh, and OP, I escaped an abusive husband. On foot.

Non-driving women aren't necessarily victims...

My DP cannot drive.
I don't think that makes him my 'victim'.
He is pretty independent on public transport.

If not happening to be able to drive (and thus being on the same footing as the millions of people who can't afford or don't own a car, for example) makes you a victim in your relationship than I think the problem is in the relationship, not in the ability to drive or not.

YANBU as this a bug bear of mine.

Although I acknowledge driving lessons are expensive and that may limit the choice for some people,in the situation you mention they are already running car.So the only additional expense is the lessons themselves.Not cheap I know but if you can afford a car,in most cases would be do-able. May be a problem if the DH is taking the car to work though as second car would be beyond the budget of most families.

Anyway, I digress. None of DHs family drive and they all without exception live in the middle of blardy no where.So guess what happens every time we go down there? Yes - it's expected we will give them a lifthere there and everywhere.This often involved doing shuttle runs due to the fact we need car seats and can only fit so many people in the car.As well as having to remove the iso-fix seats in and out (a faff), the expensive petrol bill (none ever offer even a fiver) and this is all after the 4 hour drive we have to get there. Christmas day means no drink until they are all taken home.It is utterly pathetic of grown adults to behave like this. Dh s childhoosd was seriously affected by having parents who couldn't drive but chose to live in a village with a bus service twice a week .

I also had this with my post natal group after DD. 2 couldn't drive and would often suggest meeting at swimming pools and other towns for activities and then expect people to drive out of their way to pick them up and take them home again.Grrrrrrrrr.

Oh, and we have lived in suburbs and in cities without cars. I think I would feel more oppressed if I lived far away from public transport - cars seem to break all the time. When I had a motorbike I had to carry a little toolkit. You don't need a toolkit to ride on a bus, and you can't write an essay on a driving wheel. Well, you can, but not if the car is moving :-)

Driving just seems a waste of time - all that sitting about in your own box, or in a box with your back to your kids with the baby crying or whatever. Much better to spend time with other people, read a book, chat about stuff you se with your kids and an old woman who happens to be there or whatever :-)

Also, I would rather be driven about by a professional driver in a huge tough vehicle along a predefined route than have to navigate a small car driven by me while getting lost.

If DH is a nob on a Sunday, or late at night, I can fuck off. If he says you can't do X, or I'm not taking you to Y, I can just wave goodbye as I zoom off down the road.

Why would anyone not want this freedom?

Wow!

You need to deal with your relationship issues, not transport issues TBH!

I dont nor ever have driven.

I also dont put up with a 'nob' DH either.

I can get the bus/tube/train/DLR/riverboat if I need to! I think navigating London transport is a much more useful skill!

In fairness, not being able to drive in London really isn't a problem. Not the case everywhere though.

It's not 'essential'. I don't drive. I still get out of the house and have a job. I use public transport. In the past when I have worked a fair way away I got a lift. I had a lot of lessons years ago but hated it with a passion and couldn't afford lessons/a car now anyway. It IS an issue if you live somewhere with no public transport links whatsoever, but it shouldn't stop most people from doing things.