AIBU to think "...but I can't drive" is a rubbish excuse

[OneHandFlapping]

Over and again on threads where a DH is being some kind of a nob, the OP responds to excellent advice by saying, "I can't go anywhere/get a job/etc because I can't drive."

Unless you have a disability or medical condition that stops you, then WHY NOT? You are making yourself a victim, if you are dependent on your DH for transport.

I can't drive ,it never stopped me doing anything. I'm quite capable of using public transport or shock horror walking

YABU.

It is expensive to learn.

I was lucky to have my driving lessons for my 17th birthday. It took me 6 attempts so it was the most extravagant gift I have ever had. Not everyone has help with it.

Sadly, I don't drive at the moment, combination of not needing to (live in a city), can't justify expense of car + commuting costs to essentially go to supermarket once a week) and motorways make me panicky too. But I'll pick it up again if needs be for town centre driving.

I appreciate if you drive, having it taken away from you is a big deal, but many people manage perfectly well without it.

DP can't drive either so that's not an issue.

I would like to learn to drive, but can't afford to at the moment.

Luckily I live in a city and walk to work - everything else is within public transport reach.

DP can't drive either.

Passing my driving test was the single most liberating thing I have done. However, no-one paid for my lessons, so I had to wait until I was earning a reasonable amount. It's not easy.

I can't afford for either of my children to learn to drive, let alone give them a car. So they use public transport, organise lifts and walk. It is not just a lifeskill to be able to do these things, it is a good attitude to develop, and teaches them how to problem-solve and think rather than sitting on their arses waiting for me to give them a lift. My OH doesn't drive, and I didn't learn until I had two children.
When they can afford it, they may well learn how to. Their choice.

It's not a female thing at all. It is SO expensive to learn and then the expensive of running a car. Would I be right in guessing you learned a long time ago OP?

I appreciate what everyone says about the cost of learning to drive; however, please do make an effort if you can as it is so much more difficult to learn when you are older. I'd also put in a plea to those of you who can drive, but don't, as husband/partner does, to keep up the skill. I am a grandmother and I can't tell you how many women I know who have been widowed who, although they actually have a driving licence, don't feel confident to drive and therefore have a restricted life. And don't get me started on the number of people who only drive locally and won't attempt motorways!

Also some people just aren't drivers, they don't take to it naturally and find it incredible hard. So what? It's not like it's the law to drive!

I am dependant on my dh for certain things and he is dependant on me for certain things

My life is not restricted in any way because I can't drive.

YABU.

I won't attempt motorways because it gives me anxiety attacks. I consider keeping myself off the highways a public service. I get trains when I need to, it's fine.

My aunt was 56 when she learned to drive and it took her six attempts to get through but she did.

I was young and learning. I failed my first test at 4 months pregnant (my X was pleased) but wanted to pass before DD was born so applied for a cancellation giving pregnancy as a reason to go to the top of the list. I had another test the next week and passed (my X was cross because it made me equal).

what about those of us who like using public transport?

i take it you do all your own car maintenance then, OP?

I think that choosing to drive or not is fine. Blaming other issues on it is not, you work within your boundaries or you move the boundaries if you can.
Expecting someone else to compensate for your choices, or using them as an excuse is pathetic.

What's doing car maintenance got to do with it?

i mean in the way of looking after the general oil checking etc, this can be a right old hassle too, as well as the expense

I also didn't learn when I was 17. My parents said that I would always have men to drive me around.

I saved up for lessons at 26. I can't imagine going into parenthood without being able to drive.

And for those of you who say "it's hard to get money for lessons if you're being abused", you're damn right. That's why women need to learn as early as possible BEFORE getting trapped in one of these relationships.

There is a difference between excuses and reasons.

I have no intention of learning how to drive. I don't want to and I don't need to. I had lessons in my teens and I never put in for my test. My DP is taking his test tomorrow so fingers crossed that goes well :)

.. Also we have no chance of affording tests for me as well!

How much were your lesson OP?

re car maintenance - I can use the washing machine, but can't repair it.

I can fill up with petrol, oil, water and air. I can change a tyre. I can charge the battery. None of it is rocket science.

Any other maintenance - it goes to the garage.

Most men do no more than this.

DH has just (this week - yey!) passed his test. He is doing some advanced lessons now for extra confidence and by the time he is finished it will have cost us around £1350. We were fortunate enough to have savings to cover the cost, but if we hadn't we would have struggled to pay for the lessons from monthly income. Oh, and he has weekly lessons for just over a year (giver or take a few weeks) and two atempts at the test (plus one at the theory test).

We have a family car, which I am the main driver of, so he has been added to the insurance to drive that. We are fortunate again in that it will not cost us any additional premium to insure him (due to age, etc.) - but we certainly can't afford to run and insure a second car just for DH (not that we need to).

So I don't think it is as easy as saying don't make yourself a victim - learn to drive, there are allsorts of reasons (finances being a big one) why it is not that straightforward.

DH finally learned because he promised that he would when DS was born, but even getting him to start lessons was a bit of a battle with lots of excuses about not having time. I disliked being the only driver in the family as it seemed to make even the simplest errand at the weekend into a family outing, which I found very trying.

Well it's just cost my DSD £1400 to learn to drive over the last 4 months. She could only pay for it all because she's living at home and has no other expenses apart from her mobile phone. It took my DH 10 years to learn to drive because of the bloody expense! I'm trying to learn but at £50 for a 2 hour lesson and you're expected to have 2 hours a week otherwise "it's just not worth it" I really can't afford to do it. I have my theory test on the 30th March which wasn't too bad at £32. I think I'm just going to have to get DH to teach me. Can see that going down well.