AIBU to take my 1 year old DS to the other side of the world to fulfill my husband's dream?

[ODearMe]

A bit of background first. Been together with DH for 12 years. Early on in our relationship, he had a very serious car crash (he was hit by drunk driver) from which he was lucky to recover from. I suppose this is relevant because since then he developed a live fast approach to life and a love for travel and one particular country - Australia.

Before DS was born, we spent an amazing 6 months travelling around Australia, and DH unveiled his dream of wanting to spend a period of time there in the future, maybe 2 years or so (but I am pretty sure this would be with a view to showing me a 'better life' and encouraging a decision to emmigrate).

The real issue is this is DH's dream, not mine. I am perfectly satisfied with my life. I have AMAZING family and friends; I love where we live; I like my job! If I were to live here for the rest of my life I would be happy. My DH cannot wait to live somewhere the sun shines more frequently, experience the outdoor lifestyle and just do something a bit different for a while to have an exciting new chapter in our lives. He is adventure epitomised. He does not want to live in the Uk for the rest of his life.

However, I feel if I do not do this for DH it will come back and bite me in the bum 20 years later. This Oz itch he has will not go away and he talks about it every day. I have to admit it has worn me down and I have decided to go as a compromise for 2 years only. I am quite wobbly about it - it is a big ask after all!

I know this is not a big problem to have compared to many others on here, but do you think I am being unreasonable to uproot myself and my son from our happy lives for DH and when I am not 100% sure it is the right thing to do myself? Besides, we are a partnership and why should my preferred way of life be the path we take for the rest of our lives? Would appreciate hearing from anyone else who has been in a similar situation. Thanks for reading.

I would do it, with a time limit. You only get one shot at life, and I'm with your DH, it's easier to regret not doing stuff.

Go for it. If it doesn't work out your family and friends will still be there.

Two years will fly by.

As your DS is young it really is the best time to go so his schooling is not disrupted.

Australia is a lovely place to be with friendly people and lots for you all experience.

I think you may be right that it could come back and bite you on the bum in 20 years and it doesn't sound like you have any strong feelings against going so why not?

We have some friends who did exactly the same thing. He was desperate to go abroad, she was not at all sure. However, they went on the understanding that it was not a forever thing and came back a couple of years later. They had an absolute whale of a time and adored it. The outdoor lifestyle was wonderful, he scratched his living abroad itch. Yes they did miss friends and family but were visited by a lot of people. They have just come back - she is very pleased to be back and I have to say that he seems a lot happier and settled having got it out of his system. I would go for it on the proviso that it is for a limited time - much easier now than to wait until your LO is older and at school. Your set-up at home will still be here for you when you get back!

Thank you for your replies. I am definitely not against going or I would not be entertaining the idea. A lot of what is holding me back is the guilt factor of leaving family and friends behind - I know my mum will hit the roof! Also, I am concerned DH will move the goalposts and want to stay longer when I might not. But if that happens, at least I gave it a try.

Sorry- have spent a lot of time in Australia and think it is a very dull suburban place where the occasional weekend of White water rafting doesn't make up for the fact that unless you are v lucky , you'll be living in Ramsay street. Also, house prices are astronomical at the moment so you'll get very little for your money.

That said- the weather is lovely. If you can keep ties here (eg- don't tell up/buy property) it might be worth giving it a go. With any luck, he'll get it out of his system.

You need to watch 'Moving Down Under' or whatever it's called. Back to back viewing of that will help you decide if you are doing the right thing or not.

I do have to say though, when you knew about this, prior to having DS - that would have been the time to think about the impact this would have on your life, your childrens' lives etc. It's not as though he's just sprung it on you.

It is a hard hard decision and one I don't envy you in the slightest.

Good Luck.

Go for it !! You only live once !! An amazing opportunity... however do be prepared for the financial implications. I hace a BIL out there and houses, cars, food etc is pricey at moment. But if you can afford it then do it

I am in a very similar situation. Me and DH travelled in Australia before having children and he has wanted to go back ever since. We have been back in the UK since 2003 and have 2 dds (5y and 2y) jobs and I feel quite settled here. In the long term I might like to move south to be nearer family but that is all.

After much discussion over the last few year I have agreed to us applying for visas with the view to going to Australia for a few years, but I am well aware that if that coming home night not be that easy. We will keep the house here and rent it out, but if dh and dds are settled it will be hard to uproot then again.

Part of me still hopes that we will not get the visas then we can stay here and it will not be me that said no and squashed his dreams. I know that we could have a good life in oz but could her too. I don't know if part if it is that dh moved around the UK a lot as a child, often every 2 years , were as I lived in the same part of the same town until I was 18. Also I am more of a worrier that him and tend to think of all the problems.

No answers here but its good to here from someone in the same situation

I hate the emotional blackmail bit of that programme. Ffs any family or friend worth bothering with would encourage you to be proactive.

I would go, it will be a great experience for both of you.
Do you own your property in the UK? if so, I would advice not to sell it, you can find tenants while away. Don't purchase anything in Australia.

Very envious.

Another vote to go for it! It will be an amazing experience for all of you and now is the time to do it, before your DS is in school.

I have heard Australia is pretty expensive now, but if you can afford it financially then why not!

As long as you both have boundaries and a clear agreement, you shoul definately go for it. You may well end up loving it more than him.

I think you need to make sure you have a contingency plan and a set amount of time that you are going to try it for and then you can review the whole thing and make sure you are both happy before coming back. You need to talk about what will happen if he doesn't want to come home, or there is a chance he will decide that the grass isn't greener and want to come home but will have a hard time admitting it after he has built so many hopes on this Australian dream. Think about every possibility, including what might happen to your parents and what you would do in every eventuality. They can't be plans set in stone, but you should have something to work from if things don't work out.

Yes we own a property in the UK and would rent it out.

It is funny what RamblingMum said. EXACTLY the same position. We have applied for the VISA too (immigration laws tighten up in July which is why we have gone for it now). I feel the same as you do about the VISA! Which part if Oz will you be looking to live. Our place of interest is Melbourne.

SarahStratton - DH always fast forwards the family part and cheers with glee at the end if they decide to go! Agree family should not put guilt on you for wanting to go if it is what you want to do. My friends and family would fully support me if they knew I was 100% per cent whole hearted about it but because I am not they are worried I will be unhappy out there.

If you're going to do it, do it now, before your DS reaches school age. Then by the time you need to think about getting him into school, you can decide where you want to live and settle down again.

Is your DH leading the "outdoor life" here in the UK? If not, why not? There are as many adventure opportunities here as in Oz. What makes him think he will become a different person if he moves to a different country?

This is almost exactly what happened to me. My dh wanted to live here and I didn't and we have been here three years now. It's not so bad but emigrating and being an immigrant is quite a big deal, all things considered. There is no answer/compromise. If there was I would have found it believe me!

There is no value at all watching wanted down under. It is ludicrously unrealistic. The houses are either in the worst area on literally hours from the city.

There is never any mention of childcare in the budget. In fact, I wrote to the BBC complaining after the one with the special needs older boy when they went to a wonderful day centre and said that he could go there. Yes he could, for $250,000 a year.

I never understand why the dream of having lots of close friends and family nearby is seen as less worthy than the dream of living somewhere sunny.

If you want to go, when you have a toddler at least means you are flexible in terms of schools etc - but toddlers take up a lot of time.

It's not going to be anything like last time, certainly not for both of you.

Do you want more children? When?

I would move but then I love it here in Oz, I'm near Pearth. It's not as expensive as everyone says. You have to remember you will be paid in $. Look for deals and remember you don't have to live in the city centre! Move out to the suberbs and it gets cheaper. You learn look for deals and you don't just shop at one place. Come over now while the kids are young.

DC is one years old and we are talking about Australia. YABU.

If DC was at a secondary school about to study/sit GCSEs then yes YANBU.

If DP wanted to move to say China where the culture/politics/language is sooo diferent then yes YANBU.

But come on, Australia for two years .... Better now than in a few years time when such a move WILL BE unsettling for DC.

I think you sound like a very supportative partner. If you can stand it and your dp wants to go that much then I would do it. I can see him having real regrets in the future if you don't at least try it out. If you agree a time period, like a couple of years, to come back if you want to, then I don't see how it can go wrong. You'll end up with either
a) You love it and both want to stay.
b) It doesnt live up to dp's expectation/he has his fill and you both want to come back.
c) Dp still wants to live there but you come back, but at least he can't blame you for not trying.

All those seem better than not going and harbouring resentment.

go for it. Its his dream. Do it while the baby is still young enough to be easily portable

I'd do it, but can you accept the thought of coming back on your own with the children? Because if your husband is as set on this as it comes across, then I think there is a very real possibilty that he won't come back at all, sorry. On the other hand you may well change your mind and decide that it is indeed a better life out there, because the way things are going here, I wouldn't be surprised to see a big increase in emmigration numbers in the next five years.

I have been home for six months after spending five years in Canada. Don't underestimate how much you will miss your familyband friends, we had a 3yo and a 5 yo when we left and I really missed my mum and having help and support with the DCs.

Saying that, I loved my time there, had a DD out there who is a Canadian citizen, we built a house and made lots of memories, but my DSs were growing fast and we were missing our family so it was time to come home, and I was the driving force behind the move.

What will you both be doing career-wise when you're there?

Does the move offer any useful opportunities that will stand to you when you come back?

Or will you both be taking a break from progression in your careers?

I think you would be unreasonable not to tbh, a partnership for life is about supporting each others' dreams. Your child is one - it's a perfect time to have an adventure.

We have been in Sydney for five years now (for us it's s forever move). It is an amazing place if you make the most of it, most of the people I have met who complain about Australia being boring are pretty boring people. You might love it or hate it but at least you'll have given it a go and shown your DH that what he wants is important to you.