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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to give DH a stern talking to when he gets home?

629 replies

CailinDana · 09/03/2012 17:44

DH's works full time in a flexible, non-stressful job that he loves, I'm a SAHM to an active but relatively easy going toddler. DH's jobs around the house are: cooking dinner each night (his choice, he loves cooking and hates clearing up), emptying the bins, washing his own clothes and hoovering at the weekend. That's it. Every so often we have a "discussion" about housework (ie I tell him he needs to keep on top of his jobs) he agrees he needs to buck up and he is very good for about a month afterwards. Then, everything slowly starts to slide. If I mention anything there's always an excuse: "I've been very busy," or some such.

This week my patience is wearing thin again. The bins are overflowing, and every week for the last three weeks they've been like that at some point. He's been ill for the last couple of days so I've said nothing and just worked around it because if I say anything I'll get the "I've been ill" and I'll look like a massive bitch. However, not long ago he rang me to ask if it's ok if he goes to the pub for a drink. I said yes even though I was a bit hacked off that I unexpectedly have no help with DS this evening (hate that, but I can deal with it) but more so because those bloody bins have been driving me nuts all week, I've said nothing because he's "ill" and now the poor "ill" baby is off to the pub!!! Grrrr!!

Am I being petty or should I tell him I've had enough of this? I mean, emptying the bins isn't too much to do of an evening is it??

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 09/03/2012 17:46

Empty the bins yourself, you petty fool.

scaryteacher · 09/03/2012 17:47

Is this a piss take? Empty the bloody bins if the man is feeling ill fgs, and let him off the hook for a bit.

PurpleRomanesco · 09/03/2012 17:47

Go empty the bins! :o

HalfPastWine · 09/03/2012 17:47

Leave the bastard Grin

Emptying bins isn't a big job in the scheme of things. What I find annoying however is that people require prompting to do jobs.

scaryteacher · 09/03/2012 17:47

Didn't mean hook - meant leash.

AnyFucker · 09/03/2012 17:47

Somebody who is too ill to empty a bin is too ill to go to the pub

AnyFucker · 09/03/2012 17:48

and why are you waiting until he gets home ?

that makes you sound like you are stuck in, while he does as he pleases

oh ....

emeraldgirl1 · 09/03/2012 17:49

YANBU

I have one of these DHs too. We have a bag of crap (wires, adapters, all his stuff) that has been sitting on a side table in our hallway for (I am not joking) almost 4 months. I have asked him to sort it out repeatedly. I have given up. But I WILL NOT touch it myself!!!

His refrain is always "but I clear up in the kitchen" - which he does, but Im not sure that exempts him from doing anything else!

And I speak as a person who has a tendency to messiness myself - but he makes me look hyper-organised. In fact, I hate the fact that I have had to become the organised one JUST so we keep vaguely on top of stuff.

Rant over. YANBU. Good luck!

CailinDana · 09/03/2012 17:49

That's what I was thinking AnyFucker. I haven't emptied the bins out of pure stubbornness, I'll admit that, I'm just pissed that it's one small job and he won't bloody do it!!

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 09/03/2012 17:49

Yes, why should a grown man do the household jobs he has agreed to do?

How petty of you not to be delighted to have the opportunity to do his work as well as your own!

mumblechum1 · 09/03/2012 17:49

Blimey.

Empty the bin if it's getting on your nerves that much.

sunshineandbooks · 09/03/2012 17:50

YANBU. It's not petty to be pissed off about it. If it's not that big a deal, why can't he have done it? After all, it takes far more effort to go to the pub than it does to empty the bins. And why should you be responsible for organising him? Is he a man or another child?

AnyFucker · 09/03/2012 17:50

wow, people are really telling you to give this guy a break ?

the Handmaidens must be out in force this evening Hmm

CailinDana · 09/03/2012 17:50

To be fair to him AF if I had said I didn't want him to go to the pub he would have come home without any complaint.

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 09/03/2012 17:51

Gosh, it is lucky you don't have a toddler and a baby, and a husband who works 120 hours a week in a very stressful and demanding job. (Like me, when mine were small).
Hmm

AnyFucker · 09/03/2012 17:51

empty the bins on the front seat of his car (as long as you don't drive it too)

that'll focus his tiny mind

mumblechum1 · 09/03/2012 17:52

I just don't believe in having barneys over really really trivial stuff.

CailinDana · 09/03/2012 17:52

That's why I mentioned his job 3littlefrogs - he admits himself that he doesn't find it difficult, so it's not like he's at the end of his tether or anything. If he did work 120 hours a week I wouldn't expect him to do anything.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/03/2012 17:52

I don't find being seen as the person who, by default, will always empty the bins is trivial at all

CailinDana · 09/03/2012 17:53

I know, it's totally trivial mumble, and it part of the reason I'm so hacked off is that I really don't want to be worked up about something so pointless!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/03/2012 17:54

fair enough, Cailin re. the pub, but why would you keep quiet about him not doing his fair share of the shitwork because he pleads illness, and then wait 'til he comes home from leisure time (when he's "ill") to mention it ?

BoffinMum · 09/03/2012 17:54

Go out for the day sometime and leave loads of stuff for him to do instead.

BackforGood · 09/03/2012 17:54

Seriously ?
and you are at home all day, with just one child ?
and he still cooks every night ?

I say again,.... seriously ?

LydiaWickham · 09/03/2012 17:56

Empty the bins - because this will then give you the moral high ground. Wink

Then tomorrow, calmly tell him you aren't happy that he's too ill to do his share of the jobs, but well enough to go to the pub, and you consider this to be rather rude.

ShatnersBassoon · 09/03/2012 17:56

To be fair to him AF if I had said I didn't want him to go to the pub he would have come home without any complaint.

You should have done that then instead of telling him to go when you were so keen for him to get home to empty the bins. It seems senseless, unless you 'let him' go simply to provide you with more ammunition for his telling off when he gets home.

It's just a small favour you've done him.

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