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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to give DH a stern talking to when he gets home?

629 replies

CailinDana · 09/03/2012 17:44

DH's works full time in a flexible, non-stressful job that he loves, I'm a SAHM to an active but relatively easy going toddler. DH's jobs around the house are: cooking dinner each night (his choice, he loves cooking and hates clearing up), emptying the bins, washing his own clothes and hoovering at the weekend. That's it. Every so often we have a "discussion" about housework (ie I tell him he needs to keep on top of his jobs) he agrees he needs to buck up and he is very good for about a month afterwards. Then, everything slowly starts to slide. If I mention anything there's always an excuse: "I've been very busy," or some such.

This week my patience is wearing thin again. The bins are overflowing, and every week for the last three weeks they've been like that at some point. He's been ill for the last couple of days so I've said nothing and just worked around it because if I say anything I'll get the "I've been ill" and I'll look like a massive bitch. However, not long ago he rang me to ask if it's ok if he goes to the pub for a drink. I said yes even though I was a bit hacked off that I unexpectedly have no help with DS this evening (hate that, but I can deal with it) but more so because those bloody bins have been driving me nuts all week, I've said nothing because he's "ill" and now the poor "ill" baby is off to the pub!!! Grrrr!!

Am I being petty or should I tell him I've had enough of this? I mean, emptying the bins isn't too much to do of an evening is it??

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 10/03/2012 23:43

I think you might be onto something there, amarone. It doesn't sound much cop, does it?

Kewcumber · 10/03/2012 23:57

Personally I would be more pissed off that he got to go down the pub and I didn't.

I forget to put the bins out often and have to give myself a stern talking to.

Covetingmychildrenseyelashes · 11/03/2012 00:12

This might be of interest: www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/mar/10/housework-gender-equality-women

abrakebabra · 11/03/2012 08:06

"But thats the thing abra. He won't just do other chores. She would have to tell him to do them. Thats why they have specific jobs."

but specific jobs isn't working! Hence the thread. She needs to try another tack. It's not going to mend itself, he's not suddenly going to stop being a selfish arse so what's the point of wailing on the internet about how he won't do things without prompting? That's not going to change anything, and neither is waiting all week for someone to empty the bin because it's their job

CailinDana · 11/03/2012 09:49

I can't believe this thread is still going!

I am currently in bed with the laptop and a bowl of frosted wheats and a latte supplied by DH, after my lie in. He was contrite last night and I'm being "made up to" at the moment. It's nice but I'd rather he'd just empty the bins!

What was the programme Chipping?

For those who suggest that I spend the rest of my life ordering my DH around, no thanks. I'm not his mother. Ideally he would step up and just do what needs to be done of his own accord but after 10 years I've pretty much learned that that's not going to happen. Allocating jobs is the only thing that's worked, with the downside that every so often we get into this situation - DH just stops doing anything and I get ragey. In the grand scheme of things it's not a huge deal - it leads to a minor argument, DH buys me shoes and gives me breakfast in bed Grin and things are resolved. It's a pain but not worth getting in a lather over.

DH would say himself that he has a good deal. His bedsheets are changed, his house is dusted and cleaned, and his son is well looked after. I am never ever going to cut out the activities that DS does just so a grown man can get out of hoovering or cooking.

OP posts:
Latsia · 11/03/2012 10:33
Grin

This is why I would never start an AIBU thread in a strop!!

Glad you're having a nice morning.

ItsOkItsJustMyBreath · 11/03/2012 11:20

AyeRobot, just how is ledkr being silly? It's a perfectly good illustration of how family life works. Why is being a parent not deemed being work? All the calls of 'what does she do all day?' well, I have one ds at home and I am bloody knackered by the time DP comes home. If he didn't do his fair share of the housework then it would show me that he thought of his job as more important and demanding than mine and I would feel belittled.

Just because you don't leave the house to work it doesn't mean you're not working. If you work from home as anything other than a parent then this argument doesn't apply Hmm

Latsia · 11/03/2012 11:42

ItsOk I think AyeRobot was being sarcastic. As ledkr said it should be easy, but as this thread proves, divvying up the work is apparently not...

AyeRobot · 11/03/2012 11:42

ItsOK, I was joking.

Use more smilies.

ledkr · 11/03/2012 11:48

BLIMEY Why am i being silly?? People get paid a wage to look after children all day are you saying it is not a job?
I work part time and can honestly say my working days are far easier than my days with the baby and school runs/activities.
I also find it almiost impossible to do much housework when i have the baby as she just gets into everything or whinges,or needs a bottle,or sleep or food.Then after each meal comes the mammoth clean up of the high chair floor and baby,in between i may get to load the dishwasher or put some washing on or hoover in between whilst she switches it on and off Hmm
Dh does the childcare whilst i work and when i get in at 6 i help with dinner,kids,packed lunches homework and clearing up.Why wouldnt i?they are my children too.

ledkr · 11/03/2012 11:49

X post.I did wonder as normally aye and i would agree on these ishoooos Grin

AyeRobot · 11/03/2012 12:01
Grin

I thought the rest of my posts might give a hint as to where my thoughts about this lie. I keep asking questions to understand why it should be any other way, but I think MN have introduced an ignore poster function on the sly. Smile

Glad you're having a chirpy Sunday, Cailin,

ItsOkItsJustMyBreath · 11/03/2012 12:26

Sorry Aye Blush, got a bit worked up. Maybe I should go and lie down in a darkened room.

Glad to hear things are looking up Cailin.

petitema · 11/03/2012 20:55

lazy bones Grin He might just nip you in the bud. Shock

Ringo81 · 12/03/2012 15:00

God I've got everything wrong! I have two kids, go to work, cook tea, do all the washing, all of the ironing, Hoover, dust and empty all the f-ing bins! My husband also works but comes home then sits on his arse! Can I have your life please??? Perhaps I'm not being fair to my husband, he does however cut the grass in the summer and wash his car a couple of times a year and I seem to remember him making me a cup of tea and a sarnie once!!!!

runningforthebusinheels · 12/03/2012 16:13

Ringo you could easily have the op's life. Why doesn't your dh do a fair share? Unless you're lazing about during the whole of his working day, and only do housework while he's there, I don't think you have a fair division of labour in your relationship. Have you talked to him and ask him why he thinks it's fair?

Ringo81 · 12/03/2012 18:25

Yes your right, I sit at "WORK" lazying around all day waiting until I get home to do the housework infront of my husband!! When else am I supposed to do it? Come home in my lunchbreak maybe or in the middle of the night so he can't me??!??

Ringo81 · 12/03/2012 18:26

That should be "Can't see me"!!

runningforthebusinheels · 12/03/2012 18:38

No ringo, he's meant to share it with you!

runningforthebusinheels · 12/03/2012 18:38

Why do you do everything?

Ringo81 · 12/03/2012 18:51

Because I have OCD and he's crap at it!!!!!!! Also, I don't know about you but when my husband is ill I would love him to bugger off to the pub because let's be honest there is nothing worse than a man with man flu!!!!

AnyFucker · 12/03/2012 18:56

< tries to find a place to start >

< gives up >

runningforthebusinheels · 12/03/2012 18:59

Each to their own Ringo Smile My posts were actually meant kindly. I don't know why women make excuses for men doing zero housework....even my own mother does it. It must be like having an extra child around the place.

Ringo81 · 12/03/2012 19:10

Haha, your right I do call him my first born!!!! I know you were being kind by the way, just had a bad day. First day off on my own since last June and my normally lovely 3 year old is ill and couldn't go to nursery and has been vile all day!!! There is such thing as sods law it seems!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/03/2012 19:38

I think it's about respect and thoughtfulness. DD has been rotten sick this week and I had two nights with practically no sleep. She has been on me all week. So... I had all Saturday off with a pedicure and time with friends. DH had DD all day and he spent Sunday cleaning and doing laundry while I cooked for the week and prepped DD's things.

If my DH can 'see' dirt, laundry and DD, why can't other men? I hate those excuses reasons for men getting away with this. They don't see it is one. Bollocks. The kids just want mum is another. Also bollocks. If they never spend any time with them, of course, the kids want mum.

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