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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to give DH a stern talking to when he gets home?

629 replies

CailinDana · 09/03/2012 17:44

DH's works full time in a flexible, non-stressful job that he loves, I'm a SAHM to an active but relatively easy going toddler. DH's jobs around the house are: cooking dinner each night (his choice, he loves cooking and hates clearing up), emptying the bins, washing his own clothes and hoovering at the weekend. That's it. Every so often we have a "discussion" about housework (ie I tell him he needs to keep on top of his jobs) he agrees he needs to buck up and he is very good for about a month afterwards. Then, everything slowly starts to slide. If I mention anything there's always an excuse: "I've been very busy," or some such.

This week my patience is wearing thin again. The bins are overflowing, and every week for the last three weeks they've been like that at some point. He's been ill for the last couple of days so I've said nothing and just worked around it because if I say anything I'll get the "I've been ill" and I'll look like a massive bitch. However, not long ago he rang me to ask if it's ok if he goes to the pub for a drink. I said yes even though I was a bit hacked off that I unexpectedly have no help with DS this evening (hate that, but I can deal with it) but more so because those bloody bins have been driving me nuts all week, I've said nothing because he's "ill" and now the poor "ill" baby is off to the pub!!! Grrrr!!

Am I being petty or should I tell him I've had enough of this? I mean, emptying the bins isn't too much to do of an evening is it??

OP posts:
cornsilkidy · 09/03/2012 19:26

he helps the OP with ds in the evenings as well as his 'jobs' though - that's why the OP is hacked off that he's gone to the pub.

everlong · 09/03/2012 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whyoooo · 09/03/2012 19:29

FGS, why the draconian his jobs and her jobs. Surely, its common sense you're at home and something needs doing - just do it. Try to be a bit more easy come easy go about who does what and then you can't get stuck in the 'he hasn't done it' mentality. Why stress the small stuff? Although saying that it takes a lot of 'training' to get to that point;-)

cornsilkidy · 09/03/2012 19:29

I agree everlong! The OP sounds like she has a good thing going on

diddl · 09/03/2012 19:32

I´m a SAHM so most of the housework falls to me-including bins.

It´s only since I´ve been on MN that I´ve discovered that bins is seen as a mans job-why?

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 09/03/2012 19:34

Everlong - because the Op's child is not at school all day - he's an active toddler and her DH is in a stress free job, home by 5pm and enjoys cooking...

wordfactory · 09/03/2012 19:36

mooncup I'm sorry if it pissed you off, but I do think people need to chill out about small things within a marriage.

None of us are perfect. I'm sure I'm not.

But I would be very [hmmm] if DH gave me a stern talking to what with me being a grown woman and all.

everlong · 09/03/2012 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieMiddleton · 09/03/2012 19:39

I would be annoyed too op. He needs to pull his weight. No one should have to remind an adult to do basic stuff.

Dh went away for work and didn't empty the bin before he went (his job, I have my own specific jobs too). He returned to a literal bag of shit. A bag of shitty nappies. I wasn't stressed but just made the point he needs to check his jobs need doing before he fecks off leaving me with DS to look after ony own goes away.

He also has washing to put away - I sorted, washed and dried it. I have explained that if he does not put it away by tomorrow morning I will divorce him. And leave him with custody of DS. He's going to do it now when I go to the supermarket. Oh, he has 3 badly bruised toes that might be broken. But he still has responsibilities, same as me.

Being a grown up is about doing stuff you don't like and doing what you say you will. I'd remind him.

The pub is irrelevant.

Firawla · 09/03/2012 19:42

I always find it weird on here how there are mums who's dh comes home so early, and does so much in the house and with the dc yet still they think that he doesn't help out?! Op, your dh does a lot.
However I do know what you mean about the bins, it can be annoying. This was my dh's one job in the house (well he does change lightbulbs too) but he used to leave it, and let the bin get full, or say he's gonna take it out then go sit down on sofa and sleep instead! which was driving me mad - so i sacked him from bins. Now I do it myself but tbh its less work to do it myself, than to nag him to do it..

Firawla · 09/03/2012 19:44

omg katemiddleton he has 3 broken toes and you are making such a big deal about the washing! Shock

Chubfuddler · 09/03/2012 19:46

Op you are being petty and he is being a bit of a wuss. I would have to be on the verge of hospitalisation before I felt too ill to empty a bin.

Whatmeworry · 09/03/2012 19:49

What exactly is a "HandMaiden"

In MNWorld its someone who likes their partner and y'know, helps them.

The cunts.

OriginalJamie · 09/03/2012 19:58

whatme - blimey. I agree with you.

OriginalJamie · 09/03/2012 20:00

in the case of this thread, I mean

Maryz · 09/03/2012 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 09/03/2012 20:13

Just empty the bin! His job may be easy but you dont work so given he works all day, to provide financially to allow you the luxury of staying home, then comes home to cookthe evening meal, do his own washing (what a waste of water/energy given you would have to wash anyway) I think you need to realise how much he actually does.

PurpleRomanesco · 09/03/2012 20:20

Holy boak HappyMummy. Seriously? Hmm

KatieMiddleton · 09/03/2012 20:22

I'm not making a big deal. His toes might be broken. He has done his share of the washing (ie his part of the job). We didn't row, I asked earlier in the week and just added to the mountain pile.

He's put it away while I took ds out, bought us a curry and got him some beer to drink and some for his toes (cold compress!).

We rub along just fine. But we have mutual respect for each other and talk about stuff.

KatieMiddleton · 09/03/2012 20:24

The op works. She's looking after their child ffs

Chubfuddler · 09/03/2012 20:26

In all honesty looking after one child is not a full time occupation. It isn't.

PurpleRomanesco · 09/03/2012 20:29

Look out all those who have been paying childminders, You've been HAD! Shock

Spookey80 · 09/03/2012 20:29

Yabu- he works full time, does all the cooking, I know it's his choice, and other stuff. Just et on and do it.
If you worked also then fair enough, it give him some slack.

stickyj · 09/03/2012 20:38

Can't believe that you're arguing over bins. You are a SAHM, your job is to look after your child but FFS he's a toddler. You don't have devote 24/7 to them, if you're at home then the house is your job. Yes, OH can help when he gets home and it's great he's home early at 5pm to help or look after the little one. Try moaning when you have four and your OH doesn't get home until 8pm, is tired and stressed at work and still cooks for you because he loves cooking.

One toddler does not a whole day make..take the flipping bins out and save the arguements for something really serious.

BelleEnd · 09/03/2012 20:41

You do sound bossy and controlling. Sorry. And your DH does a lot.