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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wibu to dress dd in a bridesmaid dress for my friends wedding when she is not,in fact, a bridesmaid?

210 replies

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 26/02/2012 18:58

Dd is 17m.

One of my oldest friends is getting married next month. She's only having her sister as a bridesmaid, I think due to costs etc but not sure.

She isn't have any little bridesmaids if that makes a difference.

My mum wants to buy her a dress like this but I'm not sure if it'll seem a bit odd. Ill not be wearing a dress btw and her dad and brother who is 5 will be in kilts.

What do you reckon? Dd doesn't have much hair bless her so I'd like her to wear something girly so people don't think she's a boy

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 26/02/2012 22:07

"So anyway, I think the general concensus is it depends on if the bride and rest of the guests are rabid bridezilla types or just rational sensible people"

I am not a "rabid bridezilla" type but am a rational sensible person and I would think to myself "Why the fuck has she dressed her child as a bridesmaid?"

BluddyMoFo · 26/02/2012 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whoputmeincharge · 26/02/2012 23:31
OhTheConfusion · 26/02/2012 23:36

My DD2 will be attending my sisters wedding this summer, she will be 10mths and not a flower girl but her older sister, brother and I are all part of the wedding party. DH will be in a kilt too.

I was thinking along these lines:
one
two
three

I think pale colours are fine, as she is a baby, but keep the style well away from the 'bridesmaid' range!

M0naLisa · 26/02/2012 23:46

Your Mum is being unreasonable

sashh · 27/02/2012 02:48

UserNameNotAvailable

It's not neccessarilly Bridzilla. I've been to an adults only wedding where the bride had to try to explain to several relatives why there was a child, not related to her, dressed as a bride's maid when her own relations of the same age were not even invited.

SoupDragon · 27/02/2012 07:09

"REALLY? A 17 month old baby? "

YES! Shock REALLY Shock Hmm

That's why I said it. Because I meant it.

I wouldn't say anything (other than perhaps to whoever I had gone with) but I would indeed think "Why the fuck has she dressed her daughter as a bridesmaid?"

HavePatience · 27/02/2012 08:14

I wouldn't think that, but everyone is different. I also wouldn't care that someone thought that if I were the mum of the baby or the bride, even.
It's an outfit. If someone else has an opinion about it, so be it - that has no impact on me.

As I said, I follow these dress rules, personally but don't see why I should judge someone who doesn't. It's not putting anyone's life, health or well being at risk. If it were, I'd be more inclined to judge Wink

iscream · 27/02/2012 08:52

What is the dress code for the wedding? What are you wearing OP?
It would help a lot in knowing what sort of dress to search for.
That flower girl dress your mother wants to get is not appropriate for a child not in the wedding party.

Original poster
leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 27/02/2012 08:55

Its a very posh wedding.

Ds and dh in kilts.

I don't know what I'll wear yet because I'm fat

OP posts:
iscream · 27/02/2012 08:56

From that link in the OP, this is cute if it is a casual daytime warm weather wedding.
m.next.co.uk/mt/www.next.co.uk/x492890s5#713040x49

DoMeDon · 27/02/2012 09:01

Comments like it's just not done and all that have really got me chuckling. I would not be bothered by what a baby/child wore to my/any wedding- it's daft. A bridesmaid is chosen by the bride and that has meaning - it's not about a dress Hmm

iscream · 27/02/2012 09:42

Ah, I see, I just wondered about your outfit and your dd's co-ordinating. Plus, do you want to choose any of the colours from the tartan? Anyways, I love this dress with it's rosebuds!
(I had a nice list of dresses, and my pc messed up.)
www.alibaba.com/product-tp/116007296/brand_party_dress_children_s_party/showimage.html

iscream · 27/02/2012 10:04

www.justdresses.co.uk/index.php?inc=5&drid=3285#
There are a lot of dresses on this site.

HavePatience · 27/02/2012 10:06

Thank you, domedon
Exactly

Even if I were at a wedding and someone said to me, "ohhh, why has she dressed her child in a bridesmaids dress? She's not in the wedding!"
I'd be Hmm and say I think it's pretty or whatever, carry on, change the subject or talk to someone else. It truly does not matter.

Are weddings for some brides really about all of this? I truly thought it was a special day, where I got to wear a pretty dress, exchange vows with my husband and celebrate with friends who also had an excuse to wear nice things (though if they chose not to, I wouldn't have thought anything of it).

I just looked at my wedding photos. MIL is wearing a light, flowy cream (possibly white?) dress. She looks great in it. I didn't even think about it until this thread. I love her dearly. She doesn't have a lot of money so it's probably
the nicest thing she had. :)

BluddyMoFo · 27/02/2012 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 27/02/2012 10:14

I am not a "bitter old snipe" I simply have a different opinion to you.

ArosstheUniverse · 27/02/2012 10:23

But it is the message it sends (in my case, anyhow) which can be the issue. I agree with the poster who said it can look like you thought she should/wanted her to be a bridesmaid. Or maybe some of my husband's family are just passive aggressive Wink

I imagine though to many people it would just be a little girl in a lovely dress. Totally depends on the circumstances really.

BluddyMoFo · 27/02/2012 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 27/02/2012 10:26

Just because I would think that doesn't make me a bitter old snipe.

If you have to resort to insults to try and make a point, your argument is probably a bit crap TBH.

ArosstheUniverse · 27/02/2012 10:26

You see Bluddy they did try to make mine walk down the tiny short registry office aisle Grin The couple of friends I had there thought it was very rude actually, thinking about it now.

4madboys · 27/02/2012 10:26

well i wouldnt be bothered at all but i think that dress is TOTALLY impractical for a 17mth old!

i got my 14mth old dd a gorgeous dress in GAP the other day, its pale blue with poppies on and has matching knickers (i have a thing about matching knickers) its lovely and cute, cotton, but lined and it would be lovely for a wedding, they had it in 18-24mths as that is the size i got for my dd. its simple, pretty and not over the top and was in the sale so only £9:99! :)

will try and find a link :)

4madboys · 27/02/2012 10:28

www.gap.eu/browse/product.do?cid=57138&vid=1&pid=478355&scid=478355007

here its this one, its £12:99 on the website for some reason, it was def £9:99 in the shop, its still a good price tho and is pretty without being ott, and can be worn at other occaions, plus once its too short for a dress it can be a long top with leggings, so you would get good use out of it :)

kickingking · 27/02/2012 10:33

HavePatience it didn't ruin my day and I didn't feel upstaged by a young child.

What annoyed me was that there was clearly an agenda from the child's mother, people in my family were commenting on it 'why is xxx's daughter in a bridesmaid's dress?! Did she want her to be a bridesmaid?' DH was embarrassed by the behaviour of his relative. And tbh she did make herself look stupid - ten years later, my cousins will say 'oh, xxx? Isn't she the one who took her daughter to your wedding in a bridesmaid's dress?'

I said 'don't do it' to the OP so she didn't end up being referred to like that.

CalicoCathy · 27/02/2012 10:50

I think that if some people might think it was a bit weird it is best avoided, there are loads of lovely dresses out there.

We have a summer wedding to go to too, and I am considering this and this for DD - like the fact that they are cotton. There are some lovely dresses on that site.