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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wibu to dress dd in a bridesmaid dress for my friends wedding when she is not,in fact, a bridesmaid?

210 replies

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 26/02/2012 18:58

Dd is 17m.

One of my oldest friends is getting married next month. She's only having her sister as a bridesmaid, I think due to costs etc but not sure.

She isn't have any little bridesmaids if that makes a difference.

My mum wants to buy her a dress like this but I'm not sure if it'll seem a bit odd. Ill not be wearing a dress btw and her dad and brother who is 5 will be in kilts.

What do you reckon? Dd doesn't have much hair bless her so I'd like her to wear something girly so people don't think she's a boy

OP posts:
ArosstheUniverse · 26/02/2012 19:32

I wouldn't. I had a small, pretty informal wedding so didn't want any bridesmaids- until the registrar came out to tell us our bridesmaid was here. Turns out my Mil and SIL had put our neice in a bridesmaids dress with a matching bouquet of flowers to mine (done secretly) as she was so desperate to be a bridesmaid (at nearly 3 years old- although she didn't want walk with us and had to be taken back to her mum, but nevermind!)

I was rather pissed off afterwards as had I wanted bridesmaids I would have included my younger sister, who was there, but managed to get over it eventually Grin Sorry not really relevant to your situaltion I know!

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 26/02/2012 19:34

Definatly stay away from white, cream, ivory, or any variation on those. It is wrong and rude, and it would look like you are trying to upstage the bride with your PFB. It makes you come across like a loon.

My dh's friends wife dressed her child who I had met twice in a bm dress for our wedding and then spent the entire day trying to push her to the front of group photographs and kept on trying to get me to have my picture taken with her. I was to happy to care at the time but when I look back it just makes me think the woman as issues and I feel sorry for the child. That is one friend that dh sees without the wives present now.

HavePatience · 26/02/2012 19:36

Previously, I agree with you completely.

I wouldn't have cared in the least if someone showed up at my wedding in a white wedding dress or a bridesmaids dress (I didn't have bridesmaids). Why would/should I? What does it matter what someone else wears? It was my special day and I was floating on a cloud the whole time, nothing could have taken the smile off of my face :) I seriously don't understand why people care so much about this.
She's a toddler. Let your mom dress her in it - she's going to look cute, regardless.

flyingspaghettimonster · 26/02/2012 19:36

Get on eBay and search party dress and tartan or plaid. That will bring up lots of lovely things. I think if your boys are wearing kilts then your daughter would seem under dressed if you had her in something too simple. The dress can be poufy without being cream or white.

kickingking · 26/02/2012 19:36

Don't do it. I had a four year old turn up to my wedding in a bridesmaid's dress who had not been asked to be part of the wedding party. I had one adult bridesmaid, it was a small, low key wedding and the little 'bridesmaid' was very conspicuous.

It was someone on DH's side of the family that the child belonged to and he was really embarrased. The mum was clearly making a point that she thought her DD should have been a bridesmaid.

silverbay · 26/02/2012 19:37

oooh, votes for the pink dress, interesting.

those dresses from hong kong sellers on ebay are cheap as chips and turn out really nice, I've had a few friends buy them and they are lovely.

LAlady · 26/02/2012 19:38

It's a bridesmaid's dress. She isn't a bridesmaid.

HavePatience · 26/02/2012 19:39

A toddler upstaging a bride? Or anyone else for that matter? Wtf? Is it a competition? Everyone will know who the bride is. What exactly is the problem? Are brides so insecure that they have to dictate what everyone else wears? I'm SO glad I am not like that.

Wow.

dandelionss · 26/02/2012 19:39

don't ask your friend. i think it's unfair to make her be the one to veto an inappropriate dress

zukiecat · 26/02/2012 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silverbay · 26/02/2012 19:41

lovely, aren't they.

Think the OP dress would by fine in any colour other than cream or white.

HavePatience · 26/02/2012 19:41

kicking how exactly did her wearing that dress or her mom wanting her to be a bridesmaid affect you? Did it make your day any less lovely? And why? Why couldn't she just wear the dress? She wasn't in the wedding... So what's the issue? Confused
I'm not trying t be rude I just really don't get this...

Original poster
leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 26/02/2012 19:42

I won't ask my friend - don't worry. Ebay won't work on my blackberry, I have no idea why. Also need the dress soon so don't want to have a long wait for it iyswim.

Am off to look at more dresses.

OP posts:
ArosstheUniverse · 26/02/2012 19:43

It's not about being upstaged (in my opinion) It's just rude. I was as far away from being a bridezilla as you can get (not sure a wedding could get much more informal!) but found it completely inappropriate to have a child turn up in a bridesmaid dress. If I wanted bridesmaids I would have asked

DeWe · 26/02/2012 19:44

That's the imitation royal wedding bridemaid dress isn't it? That, combined with potentially being a small "cute" one could upstage the other bridesmaids.

If you want a special dress then Monsoon has plenty that are lovely and you can pay through the nose for

Or go on ebay and get a nice organza dress in pink and then probably only a couple of old ladies will think she's a boy. Wink

smogwod · 26/02/2012 19:44

Don't do it! It'd make you look like a super pushy mum & grandma.

How about something like this instead

www.boden.co.uk/en-GB/Girls-Dresses/33191-RED/Girls-Radish-Dahlia-Vintage-Dress.html

TeaOneSugar · 26/02/2012 19:49

I was slightly embarrassed last year, some friends were getting married, and MIL arrived back from holiday a few weeks earlier with a dress for dd which she announced would be lovely for the wedding, it was cream and I wouldn't have dreamed of putting dd in cream, especially as her friend was the one and only bridesmaid. I couldn't get out of it without offending MIL, but luckily it was cotton, and only knee length so it didn't look too "bridesmaidy" compared to the actual bridesmaids dress, on the day, I was still umcomfortable about it.

It's just not done.

BluddyMoFo · 26/02/2012 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 26/02/2012 19:50

No, don't, you'll come across as extremely pushy. Your dd hasn't been invited to be a bridesmaid.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 26/02/2012 19:52

I think the floral prom dress here is lovely, sorry couldn't find it in the right size on it's own, very girlie and pretty. Yes your mum is mad. Although you could ask your friend she might love it, you never know.

zukiecat · 26/02/2012 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 26/02/2012 19:55

Just get her a pretty dress from H&M and be done with it. She is not part of the bridal party, there is no need to go over board.

zukiecat · 26/02/2012 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.