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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wibu to dress dd in a bridesmaid dress for my friends wedding when she is not,in fact, a bridesmaid?

210 replies

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 26/02/2012 18:58

Dd is 17m.

One of my oldest friends is getting married next month. She's only having her sister as a bridesmaid, I think due to costs etc but not sure.

She isn't have any little bridesmaids if that makes a difference.

My mum wants to buy her a dress like this but I'm not sure if it'll seem a bit odd. Ill not be wearing a dress btw and her dad and brother who is 5 will be in kilts.

What do you reckon? Dd doesn't have much hair bless her so I'd like her to wear something girly so people don't think she's a boy

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 26/02/2012 19:56

havepatience it's not that i think someone wearing a bm or wedding dress would upstage the bride, it's more that they look like they are trying to, or at least have an agenda to inveigle themselves into the wedding party. and it makes everyone feel uncomfortable. (it did at my wedding - 'who's that woman wearing a wedding dress'? type questions)

I just think it is very peculiar to turn up at an event where traditionally one participant wears a white dress and purposely wearing something similar. (it's the only opportunity really for you to wear a meringue without someone else wearing one too)

My friends parents got married in the 70's and the bride wore a blue trouser suit. Everyone knew she was wearing that, yet a wife of a friend wore a 'wedding' dress. Now in the photos people always ask if that is the bride. it just looks attention seeking and sad imo.

PreviouslyonLost · 26/02/2012 19:56

HavePatience Bridezillas will out. I see the gnashing of teeth and the 'MY day is RUINED a la' 'Don't Tell the Bride', JUST because a little tot of 17 MONTHS wore a white 'bridesmaidy' dress...watch the heavens fall Grin

leftmymistletoeatthedoor You said 'oldest friend'...I'm sure she's worth her weight in rubies and diamonds, so, she won't 'notice' (if anyone does, well, why aren't they looking at the beautiful bride?)

Your Mum wants HER 'dream in a dress' Granddaughter for the day, why not indulge her.

Eat, drink, enjoy, and be merry on the day...I LOVE a good wedding I do Grin

Oggy · 26/02/2012 19:57

Well I wouldn't even have noticed, let alone care, if a toddler wore that dress to my wedding.

However I am steadilly learning that most people are way more uptight thanme about wedding stuff so I am probably not the best opinion to listen to.

MinnieBar · 26/02/2012 20:00

If nothing else, spending £50 on a dress your DD will wear only twice is bonkers (even if your mum is paying) IMHO. If you get a more 'normal' dress she'll get more wear out of it.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 26/02/2012 20:02

Totally and wholly inappropriate.

If the Bride and Groom wanted a little bridesmaid, your DD or otherwise, they would have asked.

There are TONS of girly dresses out there that are not weddingy. Your mum is batty.

alessthandomesticgoddess · 26/02/2012 20:02

Buy her a party dress. If that dress was worn she'd look like a bridesmaid which she obviously isn't. Go to Monsoon or even Asda and pick something party style that isn't white, ivory, cream or satin.

BluddyMoFo · 26/02/2012 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GColdtimer · 26/02/2012 20:04

Monsoon have got some beautiful bm dresses that don't actually loom very bridesmaidy if that makes sense. Don't get her something so obvious.

PreviouslyonLost · 26/02/2012 20:05

leftmymistletoeatthedoor

as an aside, you said 'I'll not be wearing a dress' in your OP.

So what are you wearing?

My money's on a full Princess Leia, whilst enslaved by Jabba The Hutt, wispy ensemble...

No-one's going to be looking at the Bride, far less the sweet tot in the bridesmaidy dress.

Hulababy · 26/02/2012 20:07

TBH even avoiding cream/white may not necessarily avoid bridemaidy anyway, so try not to worry to much. DD's bridesmaid dress was pink and I have seen bridesmaid dresses in all manner of colours.

Besides the little one is only 17 months old. I can't see why anyone would be concerned about what a 17 month old guest was wearing and upset if it was frilly and flouncy. They'd have to be a tad ott to be bothered surely?

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 26/02/2012 20:08

Next have some lovely little dresses in at the moment, all under £25.

lesley33 · 26/02/2012 20:10

previouslyonlost - It isn't so much about what is worn. It is more that clothes can convey messages. So a child who is not a bridesmaid in a bridesmaid dress can send out the message that parents think child should have been asked to be the bridesmaid.

Just as one poster on mn whose mum in law wore a funeral type suit at her sons wedding sent out a particular message.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 26/02/2012 20:13

I also would feel for other parents of littlies too, who may have been told 'there will be no littlie BMs' and then what appears to be one shows up. The guests are going to think she is in some way connected to the bridal party.

nooka · 26/02/2012 20:15

I don't see why a grandmother should have any need to dress her granddaughter in a dress she dreams about (pretty odd thing to dream about IMO) at someone else's wedding. I really don't see what it's got to do with the grandmother at all to be honest. Plus a white dress just seems totally foolish for a toddler. That dress silverbay linked to with the rose buds was beautiful. I'd be looking for something that I thought my dd looked really nice in first and foremost, and if it has a link to her brother's outfit (or to yours) then that's an added bonus.

LydiaWickham · 26/02/2012 20:19

I really rather like this there's a little headband to go with it if she's in need of something to help with the lack of hair issue. There's a cardie as well.

Cute without being 'bridesmaidy' and you'll get several wears out of it.

PreviouslyonLost · 26/02/2012 20:21

lesley33 Agree, quite.

But.

We send out a million 'messages' a day...people think what they want, we can't 'stop' that...even if we think they are wrong. We'd melt if we 'heard' what other's said about us!

MIL wearing a 'funeral type suit' (the mind boggles!) is either 'expressing' her true feelings...or maybe she saw a 'naiice, refined, repectable' outfit at an affordable price. Who knows? It's all a matter of perspective, and whose 'truth' you're listening to Grin

A 17 month old in a fancy dress for the day is hardly offensive...imo.

lesley33 · 26/02/2012 20:23

No not offensive. But I think when you are a guest it is important to be polite. Knowing that wearing something may send out a message that could be upsetting is not imo being polite.

UserNameNotAvailable · 26/02/2012 20:23

I can't believe the amount of bridezillas knocking about! Get Over it fgs, it's a little baby wearing a pretty dress for a wedding....AND? She's hardly going to be upstaging the bride and most people will think she's just with her parents as a guest. I've been to a few weddings and this sort of dress is normal for little girls who like to get dressed up in princessy/Party/bridesmaidy (call them whatever you like) dress.
As long as its not one of those dresses the are on big fat gypsy weddings Grin

HavePatience · 26/02/2012 20:27

Ah ok... But why does it matter if other people think the toddler's parents wanted her to be a bridesmaid? Or if it 'looks' to others that someone is trying to look like a bridesmaid?
All I cared about was that I was getting married, looked pretty and shared the day with special people, special vows and yummy food :) I don't care what anyone else thought of another guest's clothes or intentions. I still don't see why that should matter to a bride on the wedding day, but maybe I just care less about what others think than most...

BluddyMoFo · 26/02/2012 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 26/02/2012 20:29

Previouslyonlost - goddamit, how did you guess??

OP posts:
lesley33 · 26/02/2012 20:31

I guess it is the spirit it is done in. If it was just a case of they let their dd wear a pretty bridesmaidy dress I wouldn't have an issue. If it was a case of the parents thinking the bride should have asked their dd to be bridesmaid and it is done more as a snub, then no its not okay.

HavePatience · 26/02/2012 20:31

Oh but bluddymofo, what if someone thought you were trying to look like you were with the bridal party with that dress at another wedding? Shock.
Really. Now I just think its silly. I was prepared to be convinced, but this is just ridiculous

HavePatience · 26/02/2012 20:36

I also just think this "don't you dare look prettier than me on my wedding day" attitude is so bridezilla. It smacks of insecurity, really. Nothing else. Shift the blame to 'manners' and being polite, if you must. But that's just a cop-out.

PreviouslyonLost · 26/02/2012 20:38

lesley33 I concur, it's nice to be nice.

But.

When you consider that the OP may be wearing that flimsy scrap of metal and fabric last seen c1980 in the Empire Strikes Back (she hasn't returned to deny it)...and this may yet turn out to be a reverse AIBU. (17 month old toddler asking if her Mummy's Wedding outfit is a tad beyond the pale Grin

Could even be a Themed Wedding...too many variables to call, yet.