Gah! Bloody sodding school!

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Dd1 informs me this morning she is doing gardening tis morning and needs suitable footwear. "Where was your letter?" I wail. She assures me there was no letter and they were only told yesterday. A phone call to the school confirms there was indeed no letter.

Now with a normal child this would not be a problem. You could just go into their wardrobe and get their wellies out, yes? But dd1 is not a normal child. She refuses to wear wellies, trainers, boots other than suede, faux fur lined fuggs, tracksuits or joggers, hoodies and many other things. Basically if it's not skinny jeans and fuggs forget about it, she ain't wearing it.

I have had several last minute requests from the school recently asking for tracksuits and trainers, sensible footwear etc. each time I have phoned to explain that dd1 does not have these things to hand because she refuses to wear them so in future we need notice to go and buy them.

So after having to run to town and back with money I do not have to buy wellies she will not wear, so she can sulk at the side of the allotment about having to wear wellies, while her friends have fun WIBU to write to the school and request that we have at least 2 weeks notice if they need dd1 have anything other than the aforemention skinny jeans, stupidly expensive jumpers and fuggs? We will need 1 day to go and buy the things and 13 days to convince dd1 that you cannot actually die of embarrassment

Well AIBU? AM I?

As Hully says there are often reasons for obsessive behaviour and it needs looking into but it's also entirely possible that she has a keen eye for fashion/design. If she was an exceptional musician then it would be encouraged, why not fashion?

She does need shoes for these sort of actvities though - what would she think was suitable?

good point, jins.

pictish, I can no longer resist the need to apologise for calling you a name, I don't like rudeness, but was simply trying to illustrate a point.

It's ok - I understand why you did. I'm not offended.

Some kids push things to see how far they can take it.

I would never make my child eat something they hated, but won't tolerate fussy eating.

I wonder if this clothes business, is akin to fussy eating - it gives the child control, where really they should not have it.

An 8 year should not be refusing to wear children's clothes!!

She may well be a madam, her 'fussiness' may well have been exacerbated by being bullied. To help HER I still think its worth trying to make her understand that sometimes we all have to comply to some things.

I was a madam, I still bloody am. I HATE being told what I 'should' or should not do, but even I have learned (the hard way, and it WAS hard) that sometimes conforming isn't about rolling over and giving up you identity, but is actually based in common sense.

I do understand the 'she's spoilt' comments, though I think they're harsh, and I DO think your attitude is pretty defeatist d0oin not because I think there's anything wrong with your dd being who she is, but because it makes your life harder, therefore, she's being unfair on you. I also completely agree with Hully that there often is a reason for complete defiance in the face of a reasonable request.

Your dd needs to celebrate who she is, be free to be who she is, but understand that it becomes unreasonable when it negatively affects others.

Slebs wear wellies to festivals, maybe you could show her some pictures of them.

My dds know nothing about fashion or celebs but they have both had very strong opinions about what they wanted to wear from the age of 2. Luckily dd1 will wear anything if school tells her she has to so we've had no real issues with it.

you must buy her these things in the first place she doesnt have her own money to get into shops and buy these skinny jeans and boots does she wear jeans to school and these boots ? tbh you are going to have to fight with her I know its not ideal but you are going to have to stop buying her these clothes and giving into her demands , Im sure she has a lovely life but she has to conform to somethings , you are going to have problems with her when shes at teenager and fuggs are crap for her feet

Dont worry Dmc, you are not alone. My Dd2 first said "i am not wearing that" when she was 3. I have struggled with her for years. She is slightly better now and the current trend for quilted jackets, body warmers and wellies have helped us no end.

Get your Dd a jack wills catalogue. Lol. Dont buy the clothes in it but just let her see that being dreased sensibly can be trendy.

Good luck

And to clarify, I have no problem with any child having clothing preferences, and provided they're not too expensive or outlandish, I will do my best to accomodate.
But if certain activities require certain types of clothing - then that is what they will wear.
There is no way on earth I would allow them to duck out of something, in order to avoid having to wear wellies, or whatever the hated item is.
Too much power.

OP - Horse riding does not have to be wellies, there is a whole world of fabulous fashion in the equestrian sphere.

TBH OP i think you have given her to much power and its gone to her head all these activities and clothes choices this is going to come back and ite you in the bum imo , I know children like this well teenagers now and 1 mother cries in her bathroom because her 15 yr old shrieks and hollers to get her own way , Im not meaning to be Mean to you

Crikey. Surely you say "you wear this of you go to school in your pjyamas and with nothing on your feet"

[boggle]

DS1 is the same about his clothes, has been since he was two. He has very little idea about slebs or fashion, just very firm ideas about what he will/will not wear. You have my sympathies on that OP. The battles we have had are epic and I'm not a pushover parent...I guess he gets his stubborn streak (if not his fashion sense) from me

She won't need skates just yet! When we had lessons the teacher told us to wait some time. We even did the grades in hired skates. Jumps etc don't come til much later. Youfrontt know if she will stick at it even ..

Well she wore the wellies, but, in her opinion they are too big, too black, have too many lovehearts on and hurt her feet. She will wear them at school because she needs to learn how to grow carrots so all the rabbits she rescues can eat them while she is off traveling the world as a famous singer. I'm not sure what her dogs will eat, the rabbits maybe?

The wellies will be staying at school she tells me, in case I attempt to make her wear them in actual public where people might see her

She sound ace . All my three DDs can be challenging in their own ways. I have been known to complain that if they were any more assertive they would be dangerous! I think they'd get on well with your DD.

Aw bless - she does sound like a real character.

I always think compromise is the way forward.

Hope you get the bullying sorted out.

Can she sing?

Hully- If we refuse to control our DC , how can you possibly think they can learn to control themselves and develop the sef discipline necessary to be successful in life?

She'll need to wear a uniform for Brownies. How's she going to manage that? And what on earth is embarrassing about wearing wellies when the whole class are wearing the same? It sounds like an attention seeking power struggle, and if she's got the upper hand now, God help you in the teenage years. And by the way, no - the problem does not lie with the school.

Hully- If we refuse to control our DC , how can you possibly think they can learn to control themselves and develop the sef discipline necessary to be successful in life?

If you control them they learn to be controlled - by others. Or not.

If you work with them, talk, negotiate and relate to them as a person, they learn to make choices and control themselves.

If you control your children to this degree how do you expect them to learn self discipline at all?

They do Hully, but when they are 8 the choice they make is between, a. These nice Wellies, b. these old waterproof trainers or c. Missing the activity and being in trouble at school.

and if B is unavailable due to time/cost the choice is reduced further. Because in life we have to make hard choices.

When she goes to secondary she will have to wear trainers for PE, so she may as well get over this issue now ( or preferably 5 years ago).

I like Sarcalogos's school of thought, including ignoring the tantrums.

Hully, we all need telling when we are being plain daft, adults and children alike. And this girl is being plain daft. She's making a right fuss, upsetting other people, making them run around after her, and all so she can ham it up being miserable while the other kids have fun. That's all the OP needs to explain to her DD.

It could be that the Uggs have screwed her feet up and she may have plantar fasciwotsit, so everything hurts. It might be worth taking her to a podiatrist and seeing what they say.