Gah! Bloody sodding school!

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Dd1 informs me this morning she is doing gardening tis morning and needs suitable footwear. "Where was your letter?" I wail. She assures me there was no letter and they were only told yesterday. A phone call to the school confirms there was indeed no letter.

Now with a normal child this would not be a problem. You could just go into their wardrobe and get their wellies out, yes? But dd1 is not a normal child. She refuses to wear wellies, trainers, boots other than suede, faux fur lined fuggs, tracksuits or joggers, hoodies and many other things. Basically if it's not skinny jeans and fuggs forget about it, she ain't wearing it.

I have had several last minute requests from the school recently asking for tracksuits and trainers, sensible footwear etc. each time I have phoned to explain that dd1 does not have these things to hand because she refuses to wear them so in future we need notice to go and buy them.

So after having to run to town and back with money I do not have to buy wellies she will not wear, so she can sulk at the side of the allotment about having to wear wellies, while her friends have fun WIBU to write to the school and request that we have at least 2 weeks notice if they need dd1 have anything other than the aforemention skinny jeans, stupidly expensive jumpers and fuggs? We will need 1 day to go and buy the things and 13 days to convince dd1 that you cannot actually die of embarrassment

Well AIBU? AM I?

[LilacWaltz]

hully that's ridiculous!

[perceptionreality]

YABU

I have an 8 year old. I would be telling her she's wearing the wellies I've bought and to get over it now because gardening is not actually a fashion show and I would discourage the obsession with celebrity trends at this age.

You are in control, not her. What are you going to say when she demands a car with a diamond encrusted steering wheel?

[MidnightinMoscow]

The thing is the OP says that her DD is fine in other areas, including her general behaviour.

If it was only about boundaries and limits surely the DD would be 'playing up' like this in general, such as not helping with chores, rudeness etc.

She is 8 and to have such strong feelings about what she wears, coupled with the bullying would say to me that something is not right for her.

[Hullygully]

If my eight year old was being bullied to the point that she is being offered the opportunity to join some sort of weekend activity group to help build her confidence back up, I would see a clear link between experience and behaviour.

Perhaps that's just me.

[Hullygully]

And Midnight

[Hullygully]

Why does everyone love the idea of "control"? Children aren't plasticine, they are us, in small size.

[MidnightinMoscow]

But perception she isan't demanding other things according to the DD.

Clearly this one area of her life that is causing her distress. That's not to say that she can wear what she wants but rather that she needs some support and help to find out why she feels like this.

She is only 8!

[perceptionreality]

I didn't read the bit about the bullying - maybe that is not helping? I have noticed that my dd and her peers have changed quite a bit (mentally) around the age of 7. Suddenly they think differently and there are a few issues around what people wear.

One girl started some club called 'The Jack Wills Club' which ended up with some people feeling bullied. The class teacher told them all to stop being so silly - there are no JW clothes that would fit a child and that she didn't want to hear about it again and since then things have calmed down a bit.

I do think teachers needs to address these issues which arise from peer pressure.

[nickelDorritt]

hannah montana wellies


not quite what you meant, but it's all i can find!

[MidnightinMoscow]

Thats interesting about the 'Jack Wills Club', perception and I can see how something like that could turn into something where others feel excluded and possibly bullied.

[jamdonut]

Say that wellies are a fashion item, especially at pop/rock festivals....EVERYONE wears them,even the stars!

[perceptionreality]

I am not generally a 'control' parent and usually those people annoy me too. I'd say I'm quite permissive.

But if you don't take some control I do think it's bad for a child's mental health. Everyone is under so much pressure these days. That said, I don't think the OP can be blamed for her dd having an interest in celebs - this stuff seems to come from school and there is little you can do except discourage it at home and tell them there's plenty of time for that later.

[takeonboard]

Why are you complaining about the school? It seems to me that they are the only ones being reasonable in all of this..........and asking for 2 weeks notice, you do realise that you are probably the laughing stock of the staff room don't you?!

[DeWe]

My dd1 would never wear tousers or trainers at that age. She doesn't like the feel of trousers, and hence didn't wear trainers. So I feel your pain.

We'd get a letter home saying "Healthy exercise day, all children wear trousers and trainers in 2 days time".

I always felt if they'd given me a fortnight then i could have got them cheap off ebay or arranged to borrow. But they didn't so I was either rushing round trying to find someone without a child in her year who took the same size, or bought ones that she would have grown out of by the next time we had a letter home on similar grounds.

She did do outside stuff and had wellies, but she would be out doing the gardening wearing a pretty cotton dress and wellies.

She now wears leggings a lot, with a dress over them.

Dd2 was like that until about 6/7 when she decided she was a tomboy (she isn't) and now even owns some jeans...

[CailinDana]

I see where you're coming from Hully, but IMO there is a difference between allowing a child to wear what they like at home and allowing them to dictate what they will wear to school. Children do need to learn that at times there won't be a choice and that if you're required by school to wear certain things for an activity then you must do it without fuss.

The bullying is a separate issue.

[LilacWaltz]

Wellies are on our uniform lists.

And pmsl at children being the same as us in miniature!!! We are ADULTS who have more knowledge of the world. Children are children.

[CountessOlenska]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. But then my dd is ten and exactly the same.

I have, sigh, bought her appropriate footwear, etc,,for almost any occasion. Only to receive the latest demand for "outdoor gym kit and trainers" for rugby. She has silver trainers snd dance shoes, I will have to let them be ruined, or buy some other shoes, only to watch them fester in the cupboard until they are too small.

And last term they were told to bring too pairs, yes two pairs, for curling, so one pair was clean. FFS.

[stealthsquiggle]

She wears uniform, which is not "fashion"

She wears games kit, albeit she moans (to you, I bet not to the teacher)

..therefore she understands that sometimes clothing is functional and not primarily fashionable. You need to extend (and impose) the same rules for other situations (be it walks or gardening or whatever) - there are some situations in which she can wear what she wants, and others where she can't.

I have the same battle with 5yo DD. If she wants to wear shorts and T-Shirt in midwinter at home, so be it. If we are going out, however, she will put on suitable clothing and footwear, however much of a tantrum she throws.

So - you have my sympathy, but....

(also I don't have the issue with availability of wellies/trainers, since DD is DC2 so there is always an outgrown pair of something of DS's which will fit well enough, so I do sympathise there)

[ClothesOfSand]

I'm quite surprised by there being numerous posters on here whose daughters don't have wellies/walking boots/rugged trainers or similar and who have major clothes issues at primary age. I have no encountered anything like this and would not have believed it if I hadn't read this thread, despite having a 10 year old DD!

Maybe it is simply because a lot of posters live in towns and cities and don't do activities that require practical clothing.

[Jins]

Rural person here and the DCs and myself don't own wellies, walking boots or rugged trainers. 'Practical' clothing is no good in the cupboard. DH despairs of us all but we just laugh at him in his massive clown shoes

[CountessOlenska]

We are also rural folks