Gah! Bloody sodding school!

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Dd1 informs me this morning she is doing gardening tis morning and needs suitable footwear. "Where was your letter?" I wail. She assures me there was no letter and they were only told yesterday. A phone call to the school confirms there was indeed no letter.

Now with a normal child this would not be a problem. You could just go into their wardrobe and get their wellies out, yes? But dd1 is not a normal child. She refuses to wear wellies, trainers, boots other than suede, faux fur lined fuggs, tracksuits or joggers, hoodies and many other things. Basically if it's not skinny jeans and fuggs forget about it, she ain't wearing it.

I have had several last minute requests from the school recently asking for tracksuits and trainers, sensible footwear etc. each time I have phoned to explain that dd1 does not have these things to hand because she refuses to wear them so in future we need notice to go and buy them.

So after having to run to town and back with money I do not have to buy wellies she will not wear, so she can sulk at the side of the allotment about having to wear wellies, while her friends have fun WIBU to write to the school and request that we have at least 2 weeks notice if they need dd1 have anything other than the aforemention skinny jeans, stupidly expensive jumpers and fuggs? We will need 1 day to go and buy the things and 13 days to convince dd1 that you cannot actually die of embarrassment

Well AIBU? AM I?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

::wipes tears from my eyes::

awkward sounds like a very good plan :)

id go with the cheap trainers/wellies etc for school
then work on her behaviour
my dd2 8 next month and wears pretty much anything.brands and celeb fashion goes over her head.i feel a bit sad for you both that her sense of style is so important at such a tender age

I don't think this has much to do with style as designer wellies are readily available. I think this is an Alpha female struggle for dominance.

But...she has to learn to conform to an extent. Or her life will become more and more difficult. It can't be indulged. Wearing appropriate clothing is necessary for certain tasks. Does she have SN?

Yes well I suspect that school would have assumed that all pupils of her age would have a pair of welies, so they wouldn't have realised that it would be such an issue.

Must admit to being a bit at your DD (and I also have an 8 year old dd - I think she would have heard of 1 out of the 5 'celebs' on your list)

Tbh I don't think you have much right to maon about the school.

A bit. How old is she? Presumably primary aged. What do you mean she 'refuses' to wear wellies? You are the adult...tell her that is what she is wearing!

Or...she wears her suede boots , but will not get any more when they are ruined, and that she will have to sit with soggy, wet feet all day at school.

It is not unreasonable of a school to think that children will have something sensible that a child can wear to do gardening in. It is all about having a change of footwear....not wearing them all day!

What did she do in the snowy weather? What about her friends at school? Will they be wearing wellies or old trainers? Or are they all of that group of children who wear innappropriate footwear to school all the time? Fuggs are a bloody nuisance...they get sopping wet easily, and then children (girls) are wailing "My feet are cold!" "My socks are wet".

"Have you got a change of socks or footwear?"
"Noooooo!"
"Well you can try drying them by the radiator"
Hometime
"My boots and socks are still wet!!!! Uuuuuurgh !"
"Well ,what do you expect! They are not waterproof!"

Perhaps she has too much access to sleb bollocks.

Hide your copies of OK and Heat under your mattress, stop watching X Factor and TOWIE, and put parental controls on your computers.

Her fashion obsession doesn't sound healthy in an 8 year old. Whatever will she be like at 15?

'wellies' - sorry, not surewhat welies are......

Speaking as someone whose three yr old dd walked through the snow in Poland in an adult's leopard print smock, no coat, and pink Barbie boots, you have my sympathies.

However, she does have to learn about appropriate clothing. I'd shrug and let the school deal with it, maybe she'll miss the activity.

As an aside, I have spent the last 2/3 years in uggs in the winter and very flat shoes in the summer. Consequently, my Achilles tendons are now shot and, esp first thing in the morning I hobble around very worried that something is going to go SNAP! They are terrible for your feet - no support.

She does Brownies, is starting Karate soon and is quickly developing a taste for ice-skjating. She mentioned horse riding but quickly vetoed that idea when wellies were mentioned.

I don't know how she climbs trees in fuggs, but she does . She has well fitted shoes for school.

In all other ways her behaviour is fine, better than fine, even. She will help with chores, walking the dogs, she is very active, she enjoys reading. She is doing well at school. She is polite and helpful.

Clothes are the only issue I have with her and bullying (she is being bullied, she is not a bully herself.)

I don't see why a school should need to give more than a days notice to bring in a pair of wellies. It's not like it's a trip you have to pay for, or take time off work to attend something.

I would send her in wellieless if she won't wear them and then she'll realise that no wellies = no fun activity with her friends. At 8 she's old enough to know that her actions have consequences and will have to suck it up.

Ah...is the bullying connected with clothes then/appearance then?

I thought you were going to say she had a sensory disorder and found wellies uncomfortable. But not wearing them because of fashion??? I would personally just buy all the things the school requests. Send them into school on the appropiate days. Let the school then deal with her refusal. If she misses out on things that all her friends get to do (and may rave about) then she may well change her mind.

Maybe she feels like she has to have control over something as control is taken away by the bullying?

D0oin I don't think its a bad thing that your dd is the way she is, there's nothing wrong with being headstrong and knowing exactly what you like. I do think though that you do need to stop indulging it so much, even though it will be a battle, she does NEED to know and accept that sometimes you can't always have things your own way.

Life will be very very difficult for her if she carries on with the flat refusal. I guess the compromise is allowing her to have her fuggs in a carrier bag to put on the second she doesn't require the wellies! I'm afraid it would have to be a case of, no wellies, no fuggs. You've got a battle ahead of you, but she'll tire quicker than you. The barefoot approach will get boring after a while when she sees you're not giving up.

I HATE conforming, but the wisdom is in knowing when you should, and when not to.

that's helpful Lilac

I've been guilty of indulging my son's poor behaviour, because it was largely down to him being bullied. It does NOT help. I don't tolerate poor behaviour now, even if I can understand it, and it IS helping. x

hully it's a moan about a school! The school are in the wrong here are they? Helpful?? Is op asking for help then?