Gah! Bloody sodding school!

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Dd1 informs me this morning she is doing gardening tis morning and needs suitable footwear. "Where was your letter?" I wail. She assures me there was no letter and they were only told yesterday. A phone call to the school confirms there was indeed no letter.

Now with a normal child this would not be a problem. You could just go into their wardrobe and get their wellies out, yes? But dd1 is not a normal child. She refuses to wear wellies, trainers, boots other than suede, faux fur lined fuggs, tracksuits or joggers, hoodies and many other things. Basically if it's not skinny jeans and fuggs forget about it, she ain't wearing it.

I have had several last minute requests from the school recently asking for tracksuits and trainers, sensible footwear etc. each time I have phoned to explain that dd1 does not have these things to hand because she refuses to wear them so in future we need notice to go and buy them.

So after having to run to town and back with money I do not have to buy wellies she will not wear, so she can sulk at the side of the allotment about having to wear wellies, while her friends have fun WIBU to write to the school and request that we have at least 2 weeks notice if they need dd1 have anything other than the aforemention skinny jeans, stupidly expensive jumpers and fuggs? We will need 1 day to go and buy the things and 13 days to convince dd1 that you cannot actually die of embarrassment

Well AIBU? AM I?

Ooh norty sandals. My DS is pretty fashion obsessed and had recently decided he needs a new watch because his is babyish. I caught him trying to drown his watch the other day so we would have to replace it . I was incredibly cross and disappointed as I have never seen him as sneaky and sly. I thought he was intelligent enough to wait a few weeks between the conversation and the "accident " too! He lost his I pod for a while after that incident

She does have a problem with her feet, they are very narrow, shallow (she needs insoles in all shoes or else they flop on and off even if they fit width and length wise and her feet are two different sizes, so I do try to be sympathetic (slightly) with the shoes issue but this does not excuse her flat refusal to wear jogging suits etc. I also simply refuse to believe that every single pair of wellies, trainers, kickers boots and converse shoes she has tried on hurt her feet, yet a pair of uggs purchased online ergo not tried on before buying at her request are the best thing since sliced bread and make her feel like she 'is walking on cushions'

Crocs also hurt her feet. And flip flops. And pink. Pink hurts her feet

I think wrt the 'hurting' she has found a believable excuse and ran with it tbh.

I'm liking her style more and more

My feet mysteriously hurt in every pair of shoes that Clarks made when I was about 9/10. Clarks shoes are notorious for breaking at the most inconvenient opportunity as well but doodles are easier to break than the old nasty leather sandals that I was faced with.

I can't believe op fell for the sandals in expensive shopping centre fiasco! And now the skates thing......

I think its important to remember that just like adults , children are imperfect.

They don't come cookie cutter cute, they have unusual traits.

ALL humans do...

It is very easy to blame the parent, but it solves very little.

Does she act like a little madam in other respects too ,I fing it's hard to believe it's just clothes? If so why ?
And I was wondering what form the bullying takes.It isn't the other children getting annoyed by your DD forcing her own ideas on them, is it? or her getting stroppy when she can't get her own way?
Just a thought

DOoin:

Does your daughter have a problem with her weight? (or, even if she doesn't, could she think that she does?)

Only asking because I've spent 3 hours this morning shopping with an overweight 11 year old girl (not my child but I know her pretty well) who dresses in a very similar way to you describe and refuses to try anything different. I was trying to find her clothes for her mum's wedding and she would say that she liked lots of things but as soon as we got into the changing rooms and she tried them on her face fell and she said she hated the clothes, they looked wrong, they were too tight, they weren't in fashion etc etc - multiple excuses to get her back into her jeans and baggy jumper. I felt really awful for her. No child should hate how they look that much :(

I would tend to indulge/gently keep trying more than dictate I think. Children feeling confident in what they're wearing is so important to their general confidence.

I'm with Jins, I like her a lot too.

But fundamentally I still think that when someone is slightly obsessive in a certain way (any way, afraid of spiders etc whatever), there is always a reason and you need to find it.

I am well aware that she deliberatly broke the Doodles. She was made to buy the sandals with her own money. She was allowed the designer ones because we had approx 15 minutes to get to a bus stop that was approx 15 minutes away when her shoes 'accidently fell apart' outside the shop that sold the begged for sandals or we would have faced a 90 minute walk up a mountain with a toddler nowt but crocs and bathing suit and gianormous bag of beach towels and inflatables.

The ice boots - I did figure skating. I know what she needs. I am not falling for anything. If she gets figure lessons she will boots that properly support her ankles or she risks breaking her ankles. The rink hire boots are not padded out enough to offer the required support. They are designed to be used by amature skaters, infrequently and are not designed to support ankles during turns and jumps

Agree with you Hully.

Can people stop calling the OPs DD names please?

She is very skinny and active. She has been called 'fat' at school and occassionally tries to stop eating sweets, but this lasts all of five minutes.

She has lots of friends so I don't think is forcing her own ideas on anyone. SHe is having problems with just one girl, who I guess is jealous because her only friend has befriended dd1 and now she has no friends. Dd1 has said she is willing to be friends with this girl so long as the name calling and punching stops.

She can push boundaries at times on other things but knows where the line and in general is very well behaved.

She's not a "madam"

She's an eight year old bullied child who has strong views for reasons we know not.

Why the desire to quash, quell and judge?

Plain weird.

I have no doubt she's an ace girl...but when it comes to the clothes she has too much power.

Slebs wear wellies at festivals, I'm sure you could find some pictures of them.

My dds know nothing about fashion or slebs but they have always had very strong opinions on what they like to wear. Luckily dd1 will wear anything if school has told her to wear it.

dooin - I've been reading this and thinking 'Huh! What a princess..' until I realised that actually i have a male version of your DD . I don't mean that he's fashion conscious or refuses to wear wellies, but that he is impossible to 'control'. Had a big row with him last night because I tried to make him do what he should do. I do wish some of these' oh just get a grip and stop letting her dictate' parents would come and 'control' my son from time to time Unless you've met one of these children (i think the polite term is 'spirited') you have no idea......

And just like you I have other perfectly behaved amenable children.

BTW the bare feet story struck a chord.....

But anyone fancy having a go at my youngest? Please..... you can have him for a whole week if you like

And in some ways he's a model child. Well, that is assuming your 'model' is stubborn and argumentative.

If school want them to have this stuff available regularly, maybe they should add them to the uniform list - that way they would be at school, and there would be no discussion - my DC's uniform includes wellies and overtrousers.

ok.

Define madame.