Gah! Bloody sodding school!

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Dd1 informs me this morning she is doing gardening tis morning and needs suitable footwear. "Where was your letter?" I wail. She assures me there was no letter and they were only told yesterday. A phone call to the school confirms there was indeed no letter.

Now with a normal child this would not be a problem. You could just go into their wardrobe and get their wellies out, yes? But dd1 is not a normal child. She refuses to wear wellies, trainers, boots other than suede, faux fur lined fuggs, tracksuits or joggers, hoodies and many other things. Basically if it's not skinny jeans and fuggs forget about it, she ain't wearing it.

I have had several last minute requests from the school recently asking for tracksuits and trainers, sensible footwear etc. each time I have phoned to explain that dd1 does not have these things to hand because she refuses to wear them so in future we need notice to go and buy them.

So after having to run to town and back with money I do not have to buy wellies she will not wear, so she can sulk at the side of the allotment about having to wear wellies, while her friends have fun WIBU to write to the school and request that we have at least 2 weeks notice if they need dd1 have anything other than the aforemention skinny jeans, stupidly expensive jumpers and fuggs? We will need 1 day to go and buy the things and 13 days to convince dd1 that you cannot actually die of embarrassment

Well AIBU? AM I?

Get down to Peacocks. I bought wellies, trainers, trackies and a cagoule for dd. It came to £14 for the lot.

I've sworn about one days notice for wellies. Despite living in the sticks, my two don't wear them except in the depths of winter.
Of course by the time school wanted them they were too small!

The school could have given a bit more notice - but to be fair they probably assumed most children have some kind of trainers or sensible shoes or wellies or something at home.

We had to do gardening and suchlike outdoor 'community' work as a teambuilding exercise on a corporate graduate training scheme once, there was one woman who turned up in pointy-toed high-heeled shoes and no waterproofs. Apparently there's always one or two every year! She just had to stand and watch, and got quite bored, and wet and cold (it poured with rain all afternoon)

Come to think of it the bullying might be making it worse. She has been this way since the age of two but recently it has gotten worse and she become more image concious. The child who last month aruged about having to brush her hair and had not had it cut for almost a year, now has a neat bob and asks for it to be blow dried under every morning, without a battle.

The bully picked up on her appearence, telling her she was scruffy and smelly (she is not and never has been).

My DC don't have wellies Or rather, they do, but from last eyar and they no longer fit. They wear wellies maybe 5 times a year, so it's not high on my list of footwear buying priorities tbh. You buy wellies, they wear them a few times, then it's the summer and by the time they need them again their enormous clown feet won't fit in them.

ChickensHaveNoLips - we have the same issues with wellies. I compensate by letting them get all their shoes as muddy as they like, as long as they don't wear them inside. Also where I grow up we just don't wear wellies. Took me a few years living here to figure out what they are for. < thick emoticon >

My DC don't have wellies either, but they do have scruffy shoes they can wear in the garden, mud, wet, etc.,

YANBU for not owning wellies!

I'd get to the bottom of the "why." She may have rigid thoughts of what is and isn't permitted in the bullies' eyes...

Sounds like the clothes are connected with the bullying

I disagree with not needing notice for wellies - unless they're on a uniform list from the start of term. IME you can't assume that all families have even the most obvious (to me) of equipment, like a waterproof coat or warm hat. I can easily see how some lifestyles just wouldn't need wellies and those families would need to buy them especially.

DD didn't have a pair of trainers this autumn/winter until a couple of weeks ago - she had boots, wellies, school shoes, plimsolls for PE and another pair of outdoor shoes but no trainers because she just doesn't ever wear them. So a request from school for a pair would have sent me flapping to the nearest shoe shop, 20 miles away. They aren't necessary to us so we don't prioritise them.

OP, do you think there is a link between the bullying and her issues with clothes?

Seems odd that she is doing ok at school, other behaviours are ok etc, but yet there is a stand off over clothes.

Who is bullying her? Do you know/know of them?

agree with boffin mum, whats this child going to dictate she wears for school when she starts senior sch? can see a future of teachers ringing this parent and explaining the rules, and this parent explaining that 'she simply wont wear ....'!

gah indeed.

We have bought her suitable footwear. She has a pair of unworn Kickers boots in her wardrobe, waiting for dd2 to come into, they no longer fit dd1. She has had a recent growth spurt and outgrown everything, she has just had new school shoes. Trainers have always been an issue. She'd rather miss out on an activity than wear them. She does say they hurt her feet, but also she does not like them. She has plimsoles, shorts and a t-shirt for PE that she whinges constantly about but she will wear them.

She has old shoes. None of which would have kept her feet warm and dry. In winter she wears Clarks Geotex boots, which she has outgrown and they were replaced with shoes.

Yes Stranded, she has been this way since she was 2. I remember being in Tesco trying to buy her a loveky pair of grey combat trousers. I did ask her if she liked them. They just went in trolley and she kept throwing them out again

The school are aware of the bullying and are trying to deal with it. Dd1 is being offered the opportunity to join some sort of weekend activity group to help build her confidence back up and they are talking to both dd1 and the girl who is accused of bullying.

bullying...confidence...appearance

I'm wondering if it's partly sensory. DS2 is very picky with the feel of clothes. No elastic in socks, no labels, he prefers cotton feel stuff and won't wear anything too 'synthetic'. He also has eczema, so I think it's fair enough really that he gets some say in what he wears.

Cross posts - sorry.

I agree with Hully, you need to get to the bottom of this - interesting that the bullying had focused on appearance.

Surely she wasn't being bullied at age 2 though?

What have 'school' said about this bullying?

If she already had strong appearance feelings aged two (my dd did), then appearance-based bullying is going to hit even harder.

There's ALWAYS a "why." The challenge is to find it.

Hope you don't criticise the school in front of your DC?

she is 8! You are the parent, you shouldn't be pandering to her so much!
I am finding it hard to imagine that a child of 8 wouldn't have wellies or a track suit or trainers

in my house, i give my DD two choices and if she complains that soandso has soandso then i just expalin that i buy what i think is best for her... wether she likes it or not. thems the choices.

she can buy what she likes when she is earning.

My DD begged me to buy her one of those hats with the sides and bobble on it, and i did buy it for her because 1) its warm 2) its sensible 3) it was £3 compared to the other hats of £10+.
but she doesnt want to wear it cos she feels silly!
she does wear it with me though i'm sure she takes it off the second i'm out of the way!
Ha ! dunno where she gets that from !