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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is unacceptable to leave a 12 year old and 9 year old home alone with a 12 month old baby

298 replies

PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 11:47

It is half term this week and someone I know went out during the day, leaving their 2 older children age 9 and 12 alone with their 12 month old baby sibling who was asleep having a nap while the parent was out. The parent was out on 2 separate occasions for a period of about 30 minutes, but says they were no more than 10 minutes from home either time and the older children could have contacted them on their mobile phone if there was a problem. They do not seem to think there is anything to worry about with the above scenario.

Is it just me or is this totally irresponsible? what would you do if this was your friend?

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 15/02/2012 11:49

I think you're being judgemental.

It depends on the maturity of the 12 year old (and the baby - maybe it was asleep then anyway?).

My friend's dd is 11 and has looked after her toddler sister (who is diabetic) on a few occassions when mum has had to pop out.

LilacWaltz · 15/02/2012 11:49

Offer to help with babysitting yourself?

Agincourt · 15/02/2012 11:50

if it was 10 minutes and the baby was asleep I don't think it is a huge deal really but I imagine other people will

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 15/02/2012 11:51

Depends on the 12 year old I think. I teach secondary and plenty of our year 7/8 kids would be more than capable of looking after a sleeping baby sibling (or even an awake one) for 30 mins. OTOH plenty of them wouldn't be. On balance, YABU because presumably your friend knows her DC and what they're like together than you. What should you do? Nothing.

wannaBe · 15/02/2012 11:51

nothing.

I probably wouldn't do it myself, but presumably the twelve year old does have some interaction with the baby when the parents are there, and so they know how capable they are.

As you said the parent was never more than ten minutes away.

redskyatnight · 15/02/2012 11:51

So baby was asleep, mum went out for a short time and was not very far away. I presume she considered the 12 year old to be responsible enough to manage. I don't think it's a huge problem tbh.

Kayano · 15/02/2012 11:51

Meh shrug

Agincourt · 15/02/2012 11:51

They really can be quite capable at 12yo too. My 10 yo is very independant and I can trust him to do a lot really on his own. It suppose again it depends on the child, the circumstances for the baby being left (ie. it was asleep, she popped to shops?), where they live, what time of day it was etc etc

SaraBellumHertz · 15/02/2012 11:52

I wouldn't consider it a big deal for thirty mins especially if the baby was asleep, but other people will.

aquafunf · 15/02/2012 11:52

i wouldnt have the slightest problem with that at all, have done it myself when mine were that age. dont see what the problem is? half an hour, year old asleep in their cot and perfectly content? presumably if they had woken up, they are used to being played with etc by big brother/sister?

SaraBellumHertz · 15/02/2012 11:54

DD 7 is quite capable with 11 mth old (not that I would leave her, you understand). She can play with her, comfort her if she bumps her head, change a nappy etc etc.

I imagine a child 5 years older would be fine for 30 mins.

halcyondays · 15/02/2012 11:56

If the 12 year old is sensible then I don't see it as a problem.

titchy · 15/02/2012 11:59

OP - it's you Grin

ABatInBunkFive · 15/02/2012 12:02

YABU

lemonbonbons · 15/02/2012 12:02

Completely depends on the 12 year old , they can be extremely mature at that age - or complete useless big babies. So cannot judge just on the fact that the one in charge is 12 .

lostboysfallin · 15/02/2012 12:04

yabu

RitaMorgan · 15/02/2012 12:04

30 minutes, nearby, baby asleep - don't see the problem.

What do you think might happen?

Abra1d · 15/02/2012 12:07

My daughter would be perfectly capable of dealing with a sleeping 12-month old baby for 30 minutes. Why wouldn't she be? And if something did happen, she's quite capable of using a telephone to summon help.

MixedBerries · 15/02/2012 12:10

No problem with that.

WorraLiberty · 15/02/2012 12:14

No problem with that at all.

She obviously trusts her 12yr old and as you say, she's fully contactable.

It's not like the baby was running mental all over the house.

Original poster
PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 12:15

Very interesting replies!

The "friend" is my DH who is looking after our 3 children while I am at work and he left them alone while he went out running. He had no guarantee the baby would stay asleep while he was out.

The older ones love their sister but accidents do happen, the 9 year old dropped his sister on her head when she was 7 months, that was a trip to A&E, and neither of them are good at remembering to shut stairgates. She is walking and can climb stairs, and at this age to be honest it is hard enough for us to keep an eye on her let alone her brothers who are busy playing with their lego.

I have asked him not to leave them unattended again but we will see.

OP posts:
shineoncrazydiamante · 15/02/2012 12:16

I babysat at that age 13 for my 12month old brother, 4yr old sister and 5yr old brother no problems.

Like everyone else has said it depends totally on the maturity and capability of the 12yr old and her Mum will no what she is and isn't capable of and not you. Stop being so judgemental and relax.

mumto2andnomore · 15/02/2012 12:20

I would be cross if my DH did that too. Accidents can happen so quickly, and its not fair to put all that responsibility on a 12 year old. Couldnt he just go running when you get home ?

Original poster
PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 12:22

Yes, he could have gone running when I got home. Also, he could have chosen to take the children out somewhere and enjoy spending time with them!

OP posts:
shineoncrazydiamante · 15/02/2012 12:24

Right obviously crossed posts there.

However, OP I fucking hate these kinds of threads, you purposefully mislead everyone in your first post and so quite obviously the replies you got now mean anything.

If you have a problem with how your dh looks after the children take it up with him, if you don't think he is responsable enough tell him to get a job and you stay at home and be the full time carer.