to think it is unacceptable to leave a 12 year old and 9 year old home alone with a 12 month old baby

[PinkElephant73]

It is half term this week and someone I know went out during the day, leaving their 2 older children age 9 and 12 alone with their 12 month old baby sibling who was asleep having a nap while the parent was out. The parent was out on 2 separate occasions for a period of about 30 minutes, but says they were no more than 10 minutes from home either time and the older children could have contacted them on their mobile phone if there was a problem. They do not seem to think there is anything to worry about with the above scenario.

Is it just me or is this totally irresponsible? what would you do if this was your friend?

I left my 10 year old ds with a sleeping 9 month old while I drove older ds to swim lessons. Out for about 20 mins in total. Had no choice as dh works away, he was told not to pik her up but sooth her if she cried, she never woke.

Life isn't clear cut, I think op you are judge and mind your beeswax.

That case where the woman accepted the police caution doesn't prove anything, as it didn't go to trial. If she had refused the caution then it may well not have proceeded any further.

There was quite a lot about the lady who was given the caution in the papers about 6 months ago. It was a sad story, IIRC nothing went wrong, but someone reported her and the police issued her with a caution for ?? potentially endangering the child ??

She worked in a school or with children and under new safeguarding laws would now lose her job due to having the caution. The case was widely reported in the context of the new safeguarding laws.

As was pointed out on a MN thread about it, she had done nothing wrong in a legal sense. If she had refused the caution, the police would have had to prosecute but would not have got a conviction because it's not against the law to leave a 14 year old in charge of a 3 year old as long as nothing goes wrong. But she obviously thought that if she accepted the caution there would be an end to the matter - but then the changes in the law meant she would lose her job.

OMG. This thread is on 11 pages now and not one person has mentioned what if dp had got knocked down by a car??? Eh eh eh.

Well, that's it, ilove, my thoughts exactly.

Anyone going out and leaving children home alone should have a note explaining that with their address on their person!!

I know where you are coming from,i wouldnt leave my 13 year old son,with my grandson who is nearly 14 months for 10 mins,he isnt responible at all.but my daughter at 13,use to mind her cousins age 9 and 2,while their mum went to nightschool.she would bath and feed the children and put them to bed.I had no problem with her doing this at all,and i was only on the end of the phone.

And actually, back to the OP. It wasn't in fact her call, it was her dp's.

ilovebabytv I think some people just have a slightly different way of thinking. I never think OMG I might get run over when I leave the house, or OMG there might be a fire.
Having said that, I have never been in a nasty accident. I am not trying to belittle the experience of the poster who saw her little sister burn her hand. That must have been really horrible and I can see why she would be extra careful.

flm that grining face at the end was supposed to convey sarcasm.

"so the baby wakes up from a nap in her cot, cries, the 9 year old hears and goes to get her. he trips coming down the stairs with her and drops the baby, she falls down several stairs and lands on the hard hall floor, banging her head and resulting in an egg sized lump on her forehead. all 3 children are crying hysterically as the 12 and 9 year old think that she is seriously injured and could die."

Bit late to return to this, but honestly, the easy way to prevent that is to have a 'no carrying the baby up and downstairs'. Was the very first thing I said to my ds1 and dd when ds3 was born. I worry about carrying him up and downstairs.

Dd has now devised a 'safe' way of doing it, which I am satisfied is safe, (she sits down, with him on her lap, and bumps down the stairs), but I really didn't want her walking up and downstairs carrying him.

When you're so risk-conscious, I'm quite surprised you hadn't done this tbh!.

Lol @ 'dad might have been knocked down'. We haven't had the "Dad might have been held up in an armed robbery" which is the other one that is often trotted out. Because obviously it would be better in that situation for the baby to be there, rather than safely at home with its older sibling...

When I was 11/12, my mother had a breakdown of sorts and I was left with my sibling who was 5 at the time pretty much every day after school and often overnight.

That's not acceptable.

30 minutes is not really that bad though I would avoid giving a 12 year old that sort of responsibility myself unless I really thought they wanted it - but it is sensitive for me.

Do the people throwing up their hands in horror at this have 12 year olds? At 12, my dd could cook a dinner, sail a boat, change a nappy, do a supermarket shop, sing a solo in front of 500 people...... Loads of things. She was more than capable of looking after a 12 month old for an hour or so. I think if you have younger children it's really hard to visualise how capable they are when they're a bit older. I think that's why there's so much 12 is far too young on this thread. You wqit's til you have a brisk, efficient taller than you 12 year old!

Seeker, my POV is coming from myself as an 11yr old who had been looking after my siblings overnight, in the holidays and as and when mum went out, from a younger age, about 8-9yrs old.
At the time of my sisters serious accident, i was quite accomplished at looking after younger children, especially babies, i could cook a simple meal, out of necessity, mum wasn't a great cook, or egar to do it daily.
I also walked 2 of my siblings to and from school, crossing main roads and make sure they were up, dressed, and had lunch to take.
I was also the night nanny a lot (4 of us shared a room )learnt to make bottles and change nappies in the dark quite quickly, and my weekends consisted of cleaning the house top to bottom with the promise of swimming money.
I wasn't a childish 11yr old with no experience, yet that accident still happened.
There were other accidents, none as serious as this, but still, my sister lost parts of her hand due to that day.
You see, it doesn't matter how well prepared someone is, an accident can happen when you have taken as many precautions that is reasonable, it is an unforseen event, that can and does sometimes have tragic consequences, now i personally think that a mature adult has more life skills to decide the most appropriate way to deal with a childs injury, they probably will also have better skills to deal with the inevitable guilt that is experienced when a child in you care ends up getting hurt.

I still find myself trying to make it up to my sister, and she has nerve pain in that hand, when it gets cold and i see a fb status about how she's had to take a day off work because it hurts so much, i still get upset over it.

I don't really know what else to say really?
Everyone has been saying, well, my 12 yr old is very capable, but that has little to do with it really, it may mean there is a slightly lower risk of something happening, but things do still happen, even when an adult is present.
Why would you want a child to have to deal with a potentialy horrible situation that they wouldn't forget in a hurry?
That can be a lifetime burden to carry around.
Does that make any sense?

I have a 14 year old and a 21 year old. And just because they were capable of doing things in the bare bones (such as looking after a 1 year old) doesnt mean that a) I asked them to, I didnt have my kids so their siblings could look after them, I leave that to the Duggars b) that there arent associated risks that must be considered that they may not cope so well with and c) whether the child actually WANTS to do those jobs.

I wonder how many of the people who leave their younger ones with their older ones for half and hour actually ask their child if they mind? And if the child would every actually say "no mummy, pay for a babysitter if you want to go out!" or whether they would do it for fear of upsetting their parent/s?

Oh and a 12 year old can do a full weekly shop for a family in the supermarket? Really? No, I dont believe that for a second. I have been doing it for years and even I get it wrong sometimes. Stop exagerating to make your point please, you just sound ridiculous.

Thats life though. Shit happens, you balance risk and consequences, you get on with your life.

I don't ask my children if they mind cleaning their room or clearing the table, why would I ask them if they mind looking after a sibling for a bit. Since when did kids only ahve to do things they want to do?

OTT, your experience is exactly why I have such a problem with people saying "12 year olds are perfectly capable". Yes, some are but still, things happen and they can be carried through life. In my post above I posted about a hypothetical 12 year old being responsible for a younger child and an accident happened. I am so sorry that you had to prove me right :(

I am sure your sister doesnt hold you responsible for what happened and you shouldnt either. You had far too much on your young shoulders and you did your best. Have you had any counselling to help you come to terms with your childhood? It might help you with your feelings about the accident too.

Take care.

That is really depressing to hear paranoid, what would you do if you left your eldest looking after their sibling/s and something truely horrid happend?
Would you just get on with life? Wouldn't you feel guilty?
And it wouldn't be your life only affected would it, it would be your childrens lifes, that they would just have to get on with.

Because their mess was their mess, your child is your child and you should damn well look after it, thats why!

Well she would blame someone else OTT because clearly paranoid doesnt take anything onto herself if she can get her kids to do it!

Why is that depressing to hear? Everyone takes risks, you're crazy if you think you don't, you just might take different ones to someone else.

Nice, Bogey, real nice. I feel sorry for you if its not normal for you to have close loving families that look after each other and want to help each other out. Each to their own though.

Bogey, no, i was kind of treated like a lepar after that, the accident happened in the summer hols, i just remember wrapping my sisters hand with a teatowel, left her ( she wasn't screaming, just silent tears ) and i ran next door to get mum, my sister was in hospital for a while, had to keep going back.
A few weeks later mum told me she had to have 2 fingers removed and that it was my fault because i wrapped her in a teatowel.
I ended up in care at 13 because she never treated me the same again, got violent and verbally abusive.
It wasn't a very nice experience.
Me and sis have a good relationship now though, which i am grateful for, but i have that image burned into my skull.

I have 6 kids, if we didnt all help out then it would be chaos. But at no point do I expect my children to take on responsibilities that are mine. My eldest babysits sometimes and he gets paid for it, but to expect him (or my second dc) to do it just because I tell them to? No way! They are my children not my unpaid staff ffs!

I do take risks, of course i do, it would be impossible to live life without it.
But my main job, i feel, as a parent is to protect my children as much as i can from unnecessary pain or trauma, especially when the action which could cause that is of no benifit to them at all.

I haven't said i am perfect, i am definately not, but as i know very well what can go wrong, i avoid that at all costs.