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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is unacceptable to leave a 12 year old and 9 year old home alone with a 12 month old baby

298 replies

PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 11:47

It is half term this week and someone I know went out during the day, leaving their 2 older children age 9 and 12 alone with their 12 month old baby sibling who was asleep having a nap while the parent was out. The parent was out on 2 separate occasions for a period of about 30 minutes, but says they were no more than 10 minutes from home either time and the older children could have contacted them on their mobile phone if there was a problem. They do not seem to think there is anything to worry about with the above scenario.

Is it just me or is this totally irresponsible? what would you do if this was your friend?

OP posts:
LilyBolero · 15/02/2012 13:17

I think it's perfectly fine tbh, and especially if 12mo was in a cot.

LilyBolero · 15/02/2012 13:20

Fwiw, my 9yo dd is more than capable of looking after my toddler for 30mins or so. I haven't asked her to do this, but if she was 12, I would have absolutely no problem for a short time.

Original poster
PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 13:20

LOL@GwendolineMaryLacey, I might just take the 12 year old out of school ? could save myself a fortune in childminding costs! In fact maybe I could get him to look after some other people?s babies too and earn his own living!

OP posts:
Mumof1plustwins · 15/02/2012 13:22

I think it's absolutely unacceptable to leave a child under 16 to care for another child!
What is wrong with some people? They have children just to leave them so they can go out? I'm sure I'll be flamed but it's my opinion. Responsible/willing or not I would never leave my DD to look after my babies! I had them so I'll look after them tvm

TheParan0idAndr0id · 15/02/2012 13:23

Yes, people with children occasionally leave the house! Shocker. Hmm

Original poster
PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 13:25

OTTMummA you are bang on and sound as if you may be talking from experience?
oldmum42 you have articulated far better than I could exactly what the problem with this scenario is.
blondie80 yes, its all about the what ifs!

OP posts:
dearjane · 15/02/2012 13:25

I have to admit, I'm a bit of a panicy type.

But I don't see the problem with this at all.

pourmeanotherglass · 15/02/2012 13:25

I don't think that would worry me - especially if the baby is asleep, the mother is only 10 minutes away, and the 12 year old is fairly sensible and can use a phone.

NotWell · 15/02/2012 13:25

I used to babysit a child of one when I was 13....I was just fine...as I remember nobody gave me ANY instructions but I worked it all out on my own. I didn't even know how to change a nappy...it's not hard to work that out and I did.

Looking back the woman was feckless...but she was lucky she got me and not some teenager with no sense.

Iggly · 15/02/2012 13:25

When I was younger than 12 I used to look after my baby sister including making up her bottles

I was also cooking, cleaning, ironing etc.

So YABU, I'm sure it was fine.

londonlottie · 15/02/2012 13:27

oldmum42 - "Yes, we may all have babysat at the age of 11 or 12 back in the day, but it's no longer acceptable these days."

Why isn't it? Has something changed in the known laws of the universe that make it more dangerous now than it was then? Hmm

I have to say my attitude towards this changed a bit when you revealed it was your DH, which I found interesting about myself. On the whole I don't think there's anything wrong with it really, although there is something about the fact he was out running that makes the act of leaving the baby seem frivolous rather than necessary.

Gumby · 15/02/2012 13:28

Mumof1 - I was babysitting at age 14

You don't suddenly turn 16 & turn sensible you know

Original poster
PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 13:28

NotWell indeed she was lucky! My boss told me that she once got a phone call at work from a neighbour to say that her 3 DCs were on the roof of their house, whilst being "looked after" by a teenager.

OP posts:
LilyBolero · 15/02/2012 13:28

"I think it's absolutely unacceptable to leave a child under 16 to care for another child!
What is wrong with some people? They have children just to leave them so they can go out? I'm sure I'll be flamed but it's my opinion. Responsible/willing or not I would never leave my DD to look after my babies! I had them so I'll look after them tvm"

Mumofoneplustwins - you do realise they can legally marry and have children themselves when they are 16 don't you? Not to mention the number of 15yos having babies - what do you suppose they do? Always have a babysitter for themselves?

For paid babysitting, I think 14 is a good limit, and obviously you tailor the times to the age and experience of the babysitter - I have 3 teenage babysitters, they are all 17/18 now, but 2 of them, I don't worry at all about asking them to put all mine to bed, or do longer stints, 1 of them I only get her to do shortish stints, with no bedtime involved (or if my 9yo dd is home I'm not so fussed, because she is more than capable of putting baby to bed).

For sibling babysitting, for a short time, I think 12 sounds absolutely ok.

Cherriesarelovely · 15/02/2012 13:28

I thought you meant all day. It's not ideal, or something I would want to do on a routine basis but very occasionally I might depending on the maturity of my (imaginary) 12 year old!

Gumby · 15/02/2012 13:29

'I had them so I'll look after them '

Ha ha I guess you're a sahm then

Flamatory statement or what

Maryz · 15/02/2012 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumof1plustwins · 15/02/2012 13:33

No I don't think you turn 16 and become sensible, I know a lot of 16 yr olds I wouldn't leave a lighter near nevermind a baby
Meh it's just my opinion, I wouldn't others would and have

blondie80 · 15/02/2012 13:33

Notwell, you said it the parent was feckless.

The more I think about it, is it just being lazy not popping the baby into a pram or buggy and bringing them with you?

Can someone clear up for me what is so important that you can't take the little one with you?

BalloonSlayer · 15/02/2012 13:33

I would not do this.

I don't think it's fair to leave a 9 year old and 12 year old with a baby to be responsible for.

If the house caught fire (yeah I know!) they would have to go upstairs to get the baby out of its cot, or live with the consequences, or if the baby woke up suddenly vomiting everywhere, they would have to cope with it.

My very sensible 11 year old DS1 often offers to look after his 4 year old brother when I drop DD off at a club. I always decline, because I don't want him to have to cope with a crying DS2 if he hurts himself. I am the mother.

Mumof1plustwins · 15/02/2012 13:37

You took my statement out of context

I had my babies and I don't expect my other children to look after them, if I wanted to leave them I'd do so with a responsible adult whom I trust ie not my 11/12/13/14 yr old etc
Doesn't mean I'm a SAHM Hmm

Original poster
PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 13:38

BalloonSlayer similarly to you, my very caring and lovely 12 year old would gladly look after DD while I take the 9 year old to Cubs. But I don't leave her with him because of the possibility of him getting distracted and an accident happening.

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 15/02/2012 13:40

What is actually likely to happen in this scenario though?

Most likely - the baby stays asleep, the parent gets back after 30 minutes, no problems

Possibly - the baby wakes up unexpectedly, one sibling entertains the baby in it's cot while the other phones the parent who arrives home in 10 minutes.

If you're incredibly unlucky - there might be a fire, and the older siblings would have to take the baby out of it's cot and go to a neighbour, call the fire brigade and the parent.

I suppose worst case scenario is that the baby chooses those 30 minutes to learn how to climb out of the cot and unnoticed finds some lego to swallow or falls down the stairs.

In the unlikely event that an axe murderer breaks in or a meteor hits, it won't matter if the parent is there or not.

TheParan0idAndr0id · 15/02/2012 13:40

I don't get why people post about houses catching fire. I've never been in ahouse on fire, I don't know anyone whose house has ever caught fire. If a house does catch fire, it isnt instantly ablaze in 3 seconds, trapping everyone in the house.
If they aren't cooking or lighting fires, why would your house catch fire?

Bogeyface · 15/02/2012 13:41

I'm a bit "it depends". I have had to leg it to the shop in really bad weather before now, where the baby was asleep in her cot and the younger ones were in bed asleep and the 10 and 14 year olds were up. I was ok with that. The shop is at the top of the road (5 minutes away max) and I staggered ran all the way.

But that was an emergency as I had dropped the tin of formula on the floor and had to throw most of it in the bin and didnt have enough for the night feeds!

However, I would not go out for something that could easily have waited and was just to make myself feel better. You are a parent therefore your children come first and if that means waiting a couple of hours to go out for a run then so be it. I would be bloody pissed off if my Dhs priority was his run rather than actually spending time with his children. An hour with them in the park with a football would have been good exercise too!