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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is unacceptable to leave a 12 year old and 9 year old home alone with a 12 month old baby

298 replies

PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 11:47

It is half term this week and someone I know went out during the day, leaving their 2 older children age 9 and 12 alone with their 12 month old baby sibling who was asleep having a nap while the parent was out. The parent was out on 2 separate occasions for a period of about 30 minutes, but says they were no more than 10 minutes from home either time and the older children could have contacted them on their mobile phone if there was a problem. They do not seem to think there is anything to worry about with the above scenario.

Is it just me or is this totally irresponsible? what would you do if this was your friend?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 15/02/2012 14:32

I'm sure you wouldn't get prosecuted for leaving a child with a 16/17/18 year old

TheParan0idAndr0id · 15/02/2012 14:33

Its not that it hasn't happened to be personally that makes it unlikely, its the fact thats its unlikely, in and of itself. Its very very very unlikely. And worrying about things that are that unlikely seems a bit pointless to me.

TheParan0idAndr0id · 15/02/2012 14:33

*me.not be

OTTMummA · 15/02/2012 14:33

'Honestly, your risk perception is shot to hell. Children don't play with matches unless you leave matches where they can find them. Babies in cots can't swallow lego unless you have left lego in their cots for them to swallow.'

Well, i don't think my risk perception is shot to hell, thank you, but i suppose a persons upbringing/childhood, can make it appear that way to laid back people such as yourself.

You would be suprised that most babies don't announce before they learn to climb out of their cot, which, i am sure you know, can happen at anytime, parents in the house, or not.

Original poster
PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 14:34

bonkers I am the OP, lol.

OP posts:
snapsnap · 15/02/2012 14:34

I think thats fine. 30mins at a go. Baby is asleep. 12 year old should be broadly competant and know to look for help.

TheParan0idAndr0id · 15/02/2012 14:35

actually I've found they usually do announce it, all of mine (and most mindees) have been seen attempting to climb out of their cot several times before they actual manage it.

OTTMummA · 15/02/2012 14:37

I found out one sunny morning with my son standing at the foot of our bed!
Maybe my son was just very determined that morning! Grin

But really, the bottom line to my point is that i find putting children in that situation unfair.

cory · 15/02/2012 14:38

OTTMummA Wed 15-Feb-12 14:33:29

"You would be suprised that most babies don't announce before they learn to climb out of their cot, which, i am sure you know, can happen at anytime, parents in the house, or not."

No, but wouldn't this be more likely to be a danger at night when you are all asleep than in the daytime when the older children can be made to promise to spend that half hour in their baby sibling's room?

I spent a lot of time taking my little brother out and about; I can't seriously believe that 12yos today are so different that they can't feel a sense of responsibility. Or that they can't feel a sense of responsibility in this country though they can on the continent.

amicissimma · 15/02/2012 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snapsnap · 15/02/2012 14:40

What kind of 12 year olds do people have whereby they cannot be left with younger siblings for 20mins/30mins?

Accidents happen anytime - at 11 while watching my younger brother he got bitten by a dog (would have happened if Mum was there) at 12 whilst minding them my youngest brother mistakenly hit the oldest one in the head with a golf club (we were in the garden, Mum was at shops, could just have easily been in front garden or the house)
I knew in both cases to contact a neighbour and sure there was a hoopla but neither my brother nor I are emotionally damaged by these incidents.

Original poster
PinkElephant73 · 15/02/2012 14:42

so the baby wakes up from a nap in her cot, cries, the 9 year old hears and goes to get her. he trips coming down the stairs with her and drops the baby, she falls down several stairs and lands on the hard hall floor, banging her head and resulting in an egg sized lump on her forehead. all 3 children are crying hysterically as the 12 and 9 year old think that she is seriously injured and could die.

that happened - while I was sorting laundry in the utility room right next to the stairs. we had to jump in the car and go straight to A&E and I got interrogated by the doctor about the circumstances. what if I had not been at home? OK noone died but I would not want my 12 year old to have to phone me to get me to come home for that.

OP posts:
loopydoo · 15/02/2012 14:42

I think leaving a 12 yr old (whether they're responsible or not) is a lot to put on her.

If there was a fire, what would she do?

OTTMummA · 15/02/2012 14:43

good for you snapsanp, shame not every kid is the same eh?

TheParan0idAndr0id · 15/02/2012 14:45

Well then perhaps your children are not able for this, OP. Perhaps its because you don't expect them to be and haven't taught them.

Wallace · 15/02/2012 14:45

I did exactly this yesterday.

I had to take ds2 to a party a short walk away and ds3 (14 months) was asleep. So I left him with ds1 (12) and dd(10).

I was probably gone for no more than 10 minutes.

OTTMummA · 15/02/2012 14:46

amicissimma, isn't that more about necessity?
There isn't much that can be done about that really, is there?

I am sure though, that going for a run isn't a necessity, his children would still be able to eat and live in a warm home if he had waited to go for his run or not gone at all, no?

cory · 15/02/2012 14:48

loopydoo Wed 15-Feb-12 14:42:13
"I think leaving a 12 yr old (whether they're responsible or not) is a lot to put on her.

If there was a fire, what would she do?"

If there was a fire, a calm and sensible 12yo with plenty of experience of thinking for themselves wouldn't necessarily panic any more than a 16yo, or a 17yo, or an 18yo. A time comes when you have to start leaving them alone. There will always be dangers. But getting your children used to taking initiatives will help them to deal with them.

blondie80 · 15/02/2012 14:49

londonlottie - reducing risks causes a lifetime of irrational worry? perhaps reducing risks causes less worry?
Also the mentality is not started in pregnancy the way people look after / care for their children is built into their core belief system they learnt growing up.
Reducing risk is also called 'safguarding', maybe you should mention this to a few social workers, how you feel it is unnecessary for a parent to do so.
Althought there is no 'law' only 'guidelines' for leaving a child alone at home, there is 'acts' under child protection that allow action to be taken by authorities if young children are left in the care of under sixteens. So who wants their kids on the CPR then?

oldmum42 · 15/02/2012 14:50

Usualsuspect,
It is much less likely that you would get prosecuted if it was a 16-18 yo, but still happens (usually when the parent has left the country for a holiday, for example), for under 16's, the younger the child who has been left in charge is, the more likely it is legal or ss arise.

As I said previously, family members work in sw/child protection roles so I'm not making it up, they would get involved in case of an accident happening.

RitaMorgan · 15/02/2012 14:50

PinkElephant - if you feel your children can't be trusted not to do something silly then that is a different issue. Most 9 year olds could be told not to take a baby out of it's cot.

cory · 15/02/2012 14:54

PinkElephant73 Wed 15-Feb-12 14:42:09
"so the baby wakes up from a nap in her cot, cries, the 9 year old hears and goes to get her. he trips coming down the stairs with her and drops the baby, she falls down several stairs and lands on the hard hall floor, banging her head and resulting in an egg sized lump on her forehead. all 3 children are crying hysterically as the 12 and 9 year old think that she is seriously injured and could die."

I can understand that this has coloured your view of the whole thing.

But it doesn't mean it has to happen again. It depends on whether there are firm guidelines in place about what you should do with the baby (did he know he was not allowed to carry her down the stairs?) and whether your children can be trusted to follow those guidelines. Would he be likely to do it again?

And fwiw I dropped dd on her head when she was tiny: does that mean I should never have been left alone with her again?

cory · 15/02/2012 14:55

What RitaMorgan said basically.

FreckledLeopard · 15/02/2012 14:56

Cannot believe the hysteria on this thread. OP, YABVVU. Honestly. Get a grip. There are twelve year old girls in this country who have their own babies. My grandmother regularly had to look after half a dozen of her younger siblings from as soon as she was capable.

I would have few qualms leaving DD (almost 11) to look after a one year old.

I was capable at that age and I trust my DD to be responsible and learn how to be independent.

blondie80 · 15/02/2012 14:56

Paranoid - I think you're missing the point, maybe you aren't, it's not that the dc aren't capable, but why should they have too? Is that what older children are for, to be brought up trained to look after younger siblings whilst mum or dad too lazy to pop a baby in a buggy and take them along nip out for 30 mins for whatever reason?

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